Sex.com vs the Games of the XXX Olympiad
Can you believe that the 2012 Summer Olympiad are only two days away? I can almost hear the angry sighs of the whole world as we all gather in front of our TVs to be bored by some track and field event. What can be done to make the games more interesting? They can start by embracing the debauchery of the Olympics. It’s a shame that we couldn’t get to this sooner because the London Games are the thirtieth Olympiad making their official name the Games of the XXX Olympiad*.
It can’t be a surprise that when you get hundreds of beautiful people in peek physical condition living in close quarters that things will turn crazy (see Federica Pellegrini as an example of hotness to the left of this text)? They’ve been training sometimes their whole lives for a 30 second event. They’re going to party afterwards but to what extent is still sort of hidden from the general public.
For these Olympics, organizers have arranged for 150,000 free condoms to be packed into dispensers around Games venues. London’s 150 000 is a new record for free condoms available at the Olympics, Beijing only had 100 000.
The condom statistic is one thing but athletes have recently been coming clean about the sexcapades of living in the Athlete’s Village. There’s an anecdote about Breaux Greer, a US javelin thrower, that’s been circling around the press where in Sydney he would be visited by at least three female Olympians for sex per day. Sometimes the romps were only three hours apart.
After reading about all the debauched fun at Olympics, aren’t you excited about them? It has me thinking that if sex is such a big part of the Olympics, why wouldn’t the IOC include sex as an event?
Of course, it couldn’t be competitive sex, that’s no fun for anyone. It would have to be an endurance based competition. Last one to cum wins. You could have events team relays, groups, man on man**, woman on woman***, or whatever the possibilities are endless****.
Personally, I feel that having a woman competing against a man in an endurance sex competition would be revolutionary when it comes to gender equality. For the first time in international sports you would have either gender facing off for the gold with women generally having the advantage. This idea just keeps getting better and better.
For the Winter Games, I imagine you would have to mix it up. Instead of endurance, the sex competitions would be judged like figure skating, evaluating technique and execution of certain movements in a choreographed sex-routine.
The Olympics are about unity, perseverance, and pushing the boundaries of human ability, are they not? I would rather be buried alive in the cold earth than see another Olympic games without sex. That’s why we’ve started an online petition for the IOC to include sex as an event in both Summer and Winter games. If you want world peace, good sex, groundbreaking television, or something to sign today you’ll sign this petition!
Make sure to send it to everyone you know. And if you have any suggestions on how the sex events should be run, please feel free to leave a comment. The Sex.com community needs to work together to make the best possible product, otherwise we’ll be bored to death watching shot put every four years until the day we die.
*Come on, the XXX Olympics? It’s too good to be true!
**Good for Gay Rights
***Good for Gay Rights, even better for ratings
****Especially when you start thinking of endurance sex events for the Special Olympics