Calico Rudasil is a feature columnist for Sssh.com, the web’s original erotic site for women by women. With over 16 years’ experience of writing about and for the adult entertainment industry under her belt, Calico qualifies as something of a Web Porn Dinosaur; similar to a tyrannosaurus, only with far more attractive arms and a less pronounced overbite.
I’m no stranger to ripping on celebrities – hell, that’s pretty much my go-to angle for sex-related posts and articles these days – but today, it’s not curses I bring for a young celebrity who’s at the center of a sexting scandal, but praise.
It appears that former Disney star Dylan Sprouse, who as a far younger star played the role of Adam Sandler’s adopted son in Big Daddy (a movie I resolutely refuse to see, on the basis that it…. Well, that it stars Adam Sandler), has had a couple of relatively intimate selfies find their way onto Twitter, presumably by way of a former girlfriend blasting them out.
What stands out to me isn’t the fact that some young male celeb sent nearly-nude pics of himself to a girlfriend (an act that’s about as rare as breathing, at this point), but the laudatory way in which the still-quite-young Sprouse, now 21, is dealing with the incident.
Instead of falling all over himself with apologies to family, country and God, rather than taking the ridiculous low road of claiming it’s a case of mistaken identity (which actually might have worked in this case, considering he has a twin brother), and instead of trotting out his lawyers to promise swift and ruthless retribution, Sprouse has embraced the humor of the situation and owned up to his part in his own misfortune.
“Whoops, guess I’m not 14 and fat anymore,” was his first tweet on the subject, followed up with “I messed up…. But I’d be a fool not to own up to it. Got to move past it, I suppose.” Then, just when you think his response can’t be any more perfect, Sprouse demonstrates his familiarity with the ‘Comedy Rule of Threes’ and drops this crowd-pleaser: “At least you can’t see my third testicle.”
Take note, all ye disgraced celebs and pols: this is how you deal with a sexting scandal, right here.
You don’t need to resign, you don’t need to go on a talk show with your humiliated spouse in tow to talk about how sorry you are for bringing shame and disgrace upon your family and/or profession, and you sure as hell don’t need to make up some fanciful tale involving hackers, Photoshop or alien abduction – just own that shit, maybe make a few jokes about it, and then get back to living your life.
Sure, Sprouse’s position as an actor is different from that of a guy running for office, but if there’s one thing world does not need more of, it’s men acting as though they are sorry when all they’re really sorry about is getting caught.
Sprouse could have weaseled, he could have lied, or he could have called a press conference to tell everybody he was checking in to a rehab facility – that’s the Hollywood Way, which is only slightly better than the D.C. Way, which is to lie your ass off and try to make everybody else out to be the Bad Guy, especially if you can work in a jab at people from the opposing political party in the process. Instead, he stood up, accepted that he’d take a few lumps, and showed a hell of a lot more maturity than most famous people two and three times his age.
If I had ever heard of this kid before this “scandal,” then I’d thoroughly forgotten his name until now. I literally know nothing else about him other than what I’ve written here, so I suppose he could be an unmitigated POS overall, for all I know. But for me, right now, Dylan Sprouse is something of a hero, because in this age of laughably insincere apologies that follow on equally absurd attempts to deflect blame, it’s just damn refreshing to see someone stand up and say: “Yeah, OK – I fucked up, so let’s all have some fun with it and then move on.”
Kudos, Dylan…. Kudos.