To all the women who have endured the searing pain (and possible pleasure?) of a bikini wax, we would like to take this opportunity to thank you. Not only because a waxed/well-groomed vagina is aesthetically pleasing and feels cool but because pubic hair’s unpopularity is getting rid of pubic lice (aka CRABS).
Over the last decade, where pubic grooming has become more and more popular, doctors in the U.S. and Australia have noticed a dramatic decline in the number of people affected by crabs. The largest sexual health clinic in Sydney, Australia has not seen a woman with a case of pubic lice since 2008.
“Pubic grooming has led to a severe depletion of crab louse populations,” said Ian F. Burgess, a medical entomologist with Insect Research & Development Ltd. in Cambridge, England. “Add to that other aspects of body hair depilation, and you can see an environmental disaster in the making for this species.” Wait…What?
“Environmental disaster”? Sorry if this sounds insensitive but who cares? Do we really need this species of parasite in the world? I assume he’s referring the lice’s environment and not Earth’s environment because environmental disaster is a strong expression, one that suggests we should feel empathy for the disappearance of a nuisance. Something tells me that Mr. Burgess never had sex with a chick with dreadlocks down to her ankles at Burning Man otherwise he’d be aware of the rules.
Rule #1: Never hook up with a chick who has dreadlocks all the way down to her ankles at Burning Man.
Rule #2: Crabs are itchy little bastards and they deserve to die.
Whether or not he was being sympathetic with his “environmental disaster” statement, the truth is that crabs are the world’s most contagious sexually transmitted infection. You can get it from something as innocent as stealing a pair of underwear from your neighbor’s dresser. Though crabs haven’t been known to transfer other STIs, we still cannot recommend catching crabs to anyone. Unlike Burning Man, which you should definitely check out if you have the chance.
So before you pack your bags for Burning Man, we recommend that you get yourself a bikini wax. It can be painful but the fact of the matter is it’s way better than scratching your zone for the entirety of Burning Man.
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