Oral Sex Assassin
The Mirror reported today that a Brazilian woman is being sued by her husband for allegedly trying to kill him with oral sex.
Let me just clear this up right away because it’s important. This is NOT a case of death by blowjob. I think I speak for most men when I say that if someone tried to kill me by sucking my dick I would not sue them.
Instead of suing, I would encourage them to keep trying to kill me by blowjob every single day, maybe two or three times a day on weekends, until I finally died.
No, a Brazilian woman is being sued by her husband for allegedly trying to kill him by asking him to perform oral sex on her.
She reportedly put poison on her puss and lured him into bed. Apparently, he was ready and willing but managed to escape death when he noticed a rather pungent smell emanating from her vagina.
This is where the story gets a little fishy. (I apologize for that joke, totally inappropriate)
The husband then took his wife to the hospital to have the smell examined. After running some tests on the wife’s vagina, doctors discovered the poisonous substance and the murder plot was revealed.
Truth is often stranger than fiction but there is one lingering question that I have about this incident…
Since when have men been able to distinguish a healthy vagina from a poisonous one? I would understand if her husband was a gynecologist but those details aren’t available to us. Something’s fishy. (I’m so sorry, that joke keeps coming out)
Also, if a woman rubbed poison all over her vagina, would she not run the risk of being poisoned herself? Obviously, oral sex assassinations are a new thing and there are plenty of kinks that need to be worked out before it’s an effective way of killing somebody.
Fellas, don’t let this attempted murder discourage you from going down on your girls. It’s just common courtesy and it makes sex easier. Plus, the only way you’re going to get death by blowjob is if you give a little bit yourself.