Sex is complicated. No one understands that better than me. That’s why if you have a question about sex, I’m prepared to answer your questions with sexpert sex advice in this special Sex.com Blog feature, Chico’s Sex Advice.
Today’s question comes from good friend of the blog Reallee Me. Reallee Me asks:
“Question: Should people actually have break up sex? Is it better to have it before or after breaking up with someone? Thanks.”
Excellent question, Reallee Me!
The answer is, of course, yes people should be having break up sex. You should start dating someone you’re not even in to just to have break up sex because IT’S THAT GOOD.
However, you should only have break up sex if you’re both on the same page. That means you need to have break up sex after you break up. If you have break up sex before you break up, then how is it any different than regular sex?
Speaking from personal experience, there is one slight difference. A few years ago, I went over to my girlfriend at the time’s house and we had sex. When we were done, she told me to get dressed because we were through. Relationship over. So while I was just having sex with her, I didn’t realize that she was having break up sex with me.
Being blindsided with a break up right after sex bred strong feelings of resentment and anger towards my now ex-girlfriend. Thankfully we’re cool now but it was definitely the worst break up experience I’ve ever had. That’s the difference.
Had we both known that this was the end of our relationship before we had sex, those feelings of resentment and anger would have been avoided. Why? Because the reason break up sex is so good is you both know this is very likely the last time you’ll have sex with each other. So you make the most of it! It’s a bittersweet, passionate victory lap of your time together and it helps the relationship on a positive note.
That being said, there are a few rules to break up sex.
Rule #1: On lonely nights you have to resist the urge to see the person you broke up with. Yes, the last time you had sex was incredible but that was the last time. It only makes things more complicated down the road. Once you have break up sex with someone, that’s the last time you can sleep with them (unless you’re serious about getting back together).
Rule #2: BE RESPONSIBLE. Break up sex is the finale. It’s over after this tryst. So wear a condom and use contraception because a pregnancy or an STD can easily ruin whatever break up sex memories you’ve made and it will definitely breed feelings of anger and resentment.
Rule #3: Don’t force break up sex! It’s very possible that the person you’re breaking up with is too upset to think of having sex. Suggest it as a positive finale to your relationship. One for the road. But if they’re not interested, there’s nothing you can do.
Sorry but you have to have that awkward talk before you have sex one last time. But at least you have some of the best sex of your life to look forward to.
Reallee Me, thanks so much for your question. Hope that helps!
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