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Chico: Good morning Gil!
Gil: Hi Chico, what’s up?
Chico: Nothing much, just looking at the results of our latest poll. Have you seen them yet?
Gil: Nope, care to give me a quick run-down? Or should I stop being lazy and go look?
Chico: Laze-away, young man. Here are the results (pro-tip: click the image to make it bigger)
1,720 people voted and 49% (841) said that their preferred sexual relationship would be a committed, monogamous sexual relationship. Surprisingly, casual sex with 1 partner came last with 11% of the vote. Now Gil, didn’t you vote for casual sex with 1 partner?
Gil: Wow. Quite the landslide victory for committed relationships. And no, I voted for casual sex with multiple partners cuz that’s how a player like me gets down.
Chico: Oh I see. I thought that you voted for the one that last because you’re such a loser. My bad.
Gil: Why do you think committed relationships won in such a convincing way? Do you think there’s some connection between being in a relationship and looking at porn? Also F U.
Or are most people just simply in relationships?
Chico: I don’t see any connection between committed relationships and porn. Maybe some people are so committed to watching porn that it feels like a relationship? Having had lots of casual sex and a little bit of committed relationship sex, I have to admit that committed relationship sex is better. Maybe that’s how everyone feels?
Gil: So you think people are voting on their preference, even if they’re not currently in said situation?
Chico: Yeah of course. I asked them to vote that way.
Gil: I mean, a bunch of single people are voting for committed relationship because they just want to be loved and taken care of and have nice, intimate sex?
But why is relationship sex necessarily better? Or why do people perceive it that way?
Chico: Hahaha. Hang on, I think you’re on to something. This poll isn’t indicative of a preferred sexual relationship but rather how lonely our readership is. But to answer your question, I think relationship sex is better because of that intimacy.
With casual sex it’s like, “Yo. This is dope. Having sex feels really cool and awesome.” But there’s also awkwardness after sex because it’s all about sex. In a relationship, there’s a connection beyond the sex which enhances the whole experience.
I can’t believe I’m saying this. Would someone please shoot me in the head?
Gil: Yea, you are a giant nerd, it’s true. But I think the main problem with what you said is that casual sex necessarily means that its only about sex. For example: how about having sex with someone that you’re friends with in a non-sexual context. I think there’s a misconception that being in a relationship means you’re going to have awesome sex.
Chico: Can people have sex in a non-sexual context? Once the throb-knob gets up in them guts, what context is there other than sexual?
Gil: Well you said that, in casual situations, once you get all up in the mix, it’s all about sex, didnt you?
All I’m trying to say is this. I think sex comes down to compatibility, which can be found both in a relationship or casually. There’s lots of people in relationships who aren’t sexually compatible and have shitty sex all of the time, but love each other so they ignore it.
On the other hand, you might have two people that aren’t in any kind of formal relationship, but are both dope as hell at sex, and have an awesome time doing it together.
IE: Me with anyone in the world, because I’m so good that even people that suck elevate their game and become pros.
Chico: I mean ultimately I think it comes down to what makes the most sense for you at the time. Like if you just got out of a serious relationship, why not have some casual sex to see what’s out there? There are so many variables in this question that it’s kind of unfair to generalize.
Gil: Yea, that’s true. So how about this – why do you think that casual sex with one partner got so little love? Because it’s really dumb?
Chico: Well yeah. Because if you’re going to take things casually, why does that need to be monogamous? You don’t want all your eggs in one basket. Especially because a casual relationship can turn south in a heartbeat
Gil: Yeah, I feel like, if you’re in a casual relationship with one person, it’s probably not by choice. Either it’s on its way to becoming more serious, or you are desperately trying to find other people to have sex with.
Chico: Haha true.
Gil: IE the movie “Friends with Benefits” featuring Ashton Kutcher and whoever else is in that movie, which I’ve never seen. So I probably shouldn’t be referencing
Chico: Yo true. There’s also the Justin Timberlake and Mila Kunis movie with the same plot
Gil: Wait maybe that’s the one I’m thinking of…
Chico: I think that one’s called “Justin Timberlake as Ashton Kutch in Friends with Benefits”
Question: If you were a sexy lady, what kind of sexual relationship would you want with me?
Gil: Uh, dear god, I dunno. Casual friendship with multiple people?
Chico: WOAH. Actually?
Gil: Probably committed relationship so you could buy me lots of free shit.
Chico: Ok that’s better
Gil: Like a PS4. Flatscreen. Daddy needs some new clothes. Etc.
How about me? This is starting to feel like when I was a teenager on chat rooms trying to pick up people pretending to be girls.
Chico: Well then let’s move on after I tell you committed relationship with multiple partners. You’re great but i need to keep my options open whilst still having you on lock down. Honestly, I can’t believe only 12% voted for multiple partners in committed relationship
Gil: People aren’t down for polygamy?
Chico: How do you feel about polygamy?
Gil: Why not? If I wasn’t such a jealous idiot I would be real down for that. If you can get over your own issues and pre-conceptions, I think it can work, and is probably very awesome. But its definitely something that would take a lot of work to get used to. Do you think you could do polygamy?
Chico: No. I’m too stressed out all the time already to worry about having multiple partners. I do like it in theory because one problem I have with monogamy is that people, and this is definitely a generalization but, sooner or later start to act as though their partner is their property. I suppose these feelings are rooted in jealousy but I just hate seeing couples fight because one of them went out with friend’s on the weekend or they were talking to someone at the bar. Not every interaction will lead to infidelity so I think if polygamy caught on we’d have less people fighting but then again, that’s a very idealized view of polygamy.
Gil: You’re probably right, but I’m sure issues like that occur even in polygamous relationships. My understanding of polygamy is that it isn’t like, a free-for-all, there has to be a lot of communication and both partners need to be extremely open about what’s going/who they’re dating, or else those issues will still arise.
Anyways, for me, it’s great in theory, but I don’t think I could pull it off.
Anything else for us to go over in this Tip2Tip?
Chico: Someone looking for a lot of new stuff should probably get in touch with me about starting a committed relationship. And you?
Gil: Someone looking for anything should contact me about starting any of the relationships listed in the poll.
Gil: Alright, I’m outta here. What we going tip2tip on next time?
Chico: Well I’ve given you suggestions, which you’ve thrown out. So why not let the comments decide?
Gil: SOUNDS GOOD. Bye!