Everyone’s Doing It

Sensate-Focus Sex


Are you and your partner losing drive and inspiration in the bedroom? Does it feel like the same old routine every time you get around to ‘the deed’?

Perhaps your penetration problems tend towards the erectile dysfunction, orgasm trouble, or general sexual anxiety end of the sex-spooked spectrum.


Whatever your hangup, you’re in luck, because there is a new, rejuvinating sex sensation bound to rekindle your lusty endeavors. It’s called sensate focus sex. The method involves taking slow sensory steps, in which you and your partner relearn the excitement of the most basic sexual dimension; touch.

In the first few sessions, genital touching is off limits, and this includes breasts, gentlemen. You and your lover are encouraged to explore one another’s bodies with your own interests in mind. This method takes the focus away from one’s own genitals, and frees up mental blockades that might cause impotence, problems with orgasm, or any other body-image issues that can hinder the sexual enjoyment of either partner.

The second stage involves more touching (breasts are fair game), in addition to partner-led body touching, as each lover guides the hand of the other towards their non-genital pleasure points.

Try some sexy talk too, or simply stating what turns you on as you explore and receive the sweet touch of your lover.

This is meant to be a slow process. And even when intercourse enters the picture after rounds of sensory epiphany, the goal is not to orgasm, but to note subtle shifts in body and skin excitement, and the response of your lover in this slowed-down process.

Sensate-focus is a great way for sexual parters new and old to gain deeper perspective into the sacred body harmony we too casually call ‘fucking’ these days. Want to turn back the humping clock and renew your sexual confidence and passion? Then slip into the sensate-focus.


Vicky Venice © 2012

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Published on: June 7, 2012

Filled Under: Sex & Dating Tips

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