Have you ever been in the club, lurking around in the shadows, stealing sips from any drinks that have been left lying around, and then before you know it you’re in some strange girl’s bed banging the bone and you have no idea how you got there?
I know it happens to me every Saturday, Sunday, Monday, Tuesday, and Friday. Wednesdays and Thursdays are my nights off.
Well there’s some good news! Science has now determined that there are four steps to seduction in the club. A new study published in The Journal of Sex Research interviewed and studied heterosexual clubbers in Portugal between the ages of 18 and 65 and managed to narrow down seduction in the club to four simple steps. Not only will it help explain how we got into all those girls’ beds, but also it might help us all get into more beds.
So let’s find out the four steps to seduction in the club.
STEP #1: NON-VERBAL SEDUCTION
Non-verbal seduction is the human equivalent of bird’s unique plumage to attract mates in the wild and it’s used primarily by women. So when you see…
Some serious cleavage up in the club like so:
Or some serious legs in the club like so:
Or some serious nudity in the club like so:
They’re trying to seduce you with their appearance.
STEP #2: VISUAL SEDUCTION
You might be thinking that non-verbal seduction is the same as visual seduction because non-verbal seduction relies entirely on how you present yourself. Well, you’re not totally incorrect but there is a slight difference.
The study calls visual seduction the “gaze, glimpse, and glance” strategy. So while the dudes are all off trying steal sips of drinks, women are the ones that bob around finding their prey.
So when you see a lot of gazes, glimpses, and glances coming your way from a cutie by the bar, GO TALK TO HER. She’s trying to visually seduce you.
STEP #3: VERBAL SEDUCTION
Since women have put in the effort of seducing you non-verbally and visually, the study found that men initiate verbal contact first.
The study also found that there are three types of verbal seduction: provocative, complimentary, and observational. Here are examples of all three.
Provocative: “Yo what up. Let’s fuck.”
Complimentary: “Yo you looking fine.”
Observational: “Yo what’s the deal with airplane food?”
Of course, it doesn’t really matter which type of verbal seduction you choose because no matter what you say the response will be, “WHAT?” Because it’s damn loud in that damn club.
Personally, I like to mix all three types of verbal seduction together to seal the deal. So when I see that I’m getting eye-fucked in the club, I like to go over and say, “Yo you looking fine. So like what up? Let’s fuck. Also, yo what is the deal with airplane food?”
STEP #4: ACTING
If by some miracle you didn’t get slapped in the face for talking to a certain young lady, you need to escalate physical contact, which the study refers to as “ACTING”. Usually physical contact is initiated by men with a little brush of the hair or arm. Sometimes women will initiate contact with a brush of the hand or resting her palm on a man’s arm.
Either way, if you two are touching in the club and she hasn’t run away because of it, it’s time to escalate. The best thing to do according to the study is synchronize your movements because it most often leads to “the simulation of the sex act”, which of course means grinding. And once you’re grinding, it’s like a countdown until you’re kissing all over the dance floor, which will lead to kissing in the back of a cab on your way to her bed.
And that’s how we get there.
In summation, next time you’re in the club science says:
- Check for girls dressed slutty.
- Check for girls eye-fucking you.
- Talk to them.
- Touch them.
And then you’ll probably get laid.
Now if only science could tell us how to get laid at a coffee shop, laundromat, corner store, pharmacy, grocery store, on the subway, etc. we’ll be good.