Don’t you want to have sex regularly without all the mind-numbing boredom of a relationship and the shame of one-night stands? If you said yes then you need to get yourself friends with benefits.
For those of you unfamiliar with friends with benefits, it’s a 2011 romantic comedy starring Mila Kunis and Justin Timberlake it’s when two friends agree to have no strings attached sex without any boyfriend/girlfriend responsibilities. Just two (or more) friends doing what they need to so that their mutual horniness doesn’t impede them in their regular day to day.
Because having friends with benefits is such an ideal arrangement, most people tend to think that it’s too good to be true. But that’s just because they haven’t read this guide to having friends with benefits. So if you think you can handle hours and hours of no strings attached sex, then read on!
CHOOSING YOUR FRIEND WITH BENEFITS
First things first, NO PRUDES.
You may really want to have no strings attached sex with that hot babe that runs a Church-group on weekends, but she might not be into the idea. Try to only proposition the sex positive women in your life. Maybe someone you hooked up with in the past? The important thing is that you make it clear from the very beginning that your relationship would begin and end with sex. They might say no, but it’s better that you’re clear from the get-go. There’s no harm in discussing it.
The mistake most men make when trying to get friends with benefits is assuming that women are only looking for a man they want to marry. That couldn’t be further from the truth. It’s fucking 2014 not 1950. Women today are focused on their careers, social lives, and themselves. They’re not trying to find a man to weigh them down.
So ask yourself…Has she recently broken up with a long-term boyfriend and is enjoying being single but wants regular sex? Is she limited with how much time she can commit to a relationship? Does she travel often for work or have a demanding job that is her No. 1 priority? If that sounds like a woman you know, then she might be interested being friends with benefits.
When you’ve weighed your options for friends with benefits and found a good potential match, casually bring it up. Ask her about her stance on relationships, sex, her own goals about where she is and what she wants. It may turn out that she is looking for the same thing you are, but you will never know unless you ask.
Of course, you have to be subtle and ease into this conversation. I know how tempting it is to meet up with a woman and say, “We should be friends with benefits.” But that’s not going to work. You have to let her know that you find her attractive but that you aren’t looking for anything beyond a sexual relationship. You can frame this as an open discussion about sex-positivity and see what she says.
Worst case scenario, she says no and you keep fishing.
FRIENDS WITH BENEFITS RULES
The success of a friends with benefits relationship is dependent on how well you both respect the rules you’ve set for yourself. Without rules, things can get messy. I mean that’s why we have laws.
Now, by no means are my rules universal. They’ve worked for me in the past but that doesn’t meant they’ll work for you. I encourage you to make your own rules, ones that you feel will make your friends with benefits relationship work. These are more like suggestions to help you think of friends with benefits rules.
- Brief Text Communication Only: Boyfriends and girlfriends talk to each other on the phone and make plans and all that BS. You and your friend with benefits should keep it brief and in text only because your relationship is only about sex and this will help keep it only about sex.
- NO PDA: Even people in committed relationships should not be engaging in public displays of affection because it’s just lame. In public, you and your friend with benefits should act like a friends, but don’t do anything to lead your other friends to think that there’s something more going on. Even greeting each other in private, try to resist any intimate actions before you’re ready to have sex.
- Sleeping Over Ain’t No Thing: There is absolutely no obligation for you or your friend with benefits to spend the night. If they’re tired and don’t feel like travelling home, let them stay. If they want to go, let them go. After all, you are friends. Friends should be open and courteous about what they need or want from one another. So respect their wants and needs and hopefully they’ll do the same.
- No Topics Are Off Limits: Communication is key is any relationship, especially a friends with benefits relationship. You should establish that no topic is off limits from discussion. You are both free to express yourselves. If there’s anything your friend is doing that bothers you or don’t like, tell them immediately so you can work it out.
- Space It Out: Resist the urge you have to have sex with your friend with benefits on a daily basis. Keeping space from each other will help you both from thinking that you’re developing feelings for each other outside of the sex. Clarity is key in a friends with benefits relationship.
WHAT IF I WANT TO BE MORE THAN FRIENDS WITH BENEFITS?
Sooner or later, you’ll have spent enough time having sex with your friend with benefits that your brain will try to tell you that your heart is getting an erection (aka you’re in love).
Love is not good for a relationship that’s based solely on sex.
If you feel like you’ve developed feelings for your friend with benefits, then talk to them about it. It will be as awkward and unpleasant as your initial conversation to set up the friends with benefits arrangement, but it’s just something you have to do. Otherwise you’ll go straight loco being in love with someone who only wants to have sex with you and nothing else.
The whole idea of having friends with benefits is to satisfy your insatiable need for sex with someone you respect and can have fun with, but with whom you don’t have the time or motivation to commit to. So just be respectful of each other, have fun, keep an open dialogue and you’ll be fine.
And when one friends with benefits ends, you can just do it all over again.