How Do I Hide My Boner? – Chico’s Sex Advice

Anchorman funny How Do I Hide My Boner?   Chicos Sex Advice

How does one hide this beast?

Sex is complicated. No one understands that better than me. That’s why if you have a question about sex, I’m prepared to answer your questions with sexpert sex advice in this special Sex.com Blog feature, Chico’s Sex Advice.

Today’s question comes from Denny. He’s a guy that has supported the blog since its inception and I feel like we wouldn’t be where we are today if it weren’t for him. Just wanted to give Denny the shoutout he deserves. And now onto his question!

Denny writes:

“Getting erections at random in non-erotic situations can lead to really embarrassing and awkward situations. Do you have any advice on how to a hide boner for guys that can’t help but pitch tents?” 

Excellent question Denny! I do have some advice on how you can hide your boner and avoid awkwardness in non-erotic situations.

First of all, as you as soon feel an erection coming on, find a place to sit down. Erections or “boners” are more visible through your pants when you’re standing. While seated you can easily cover up the erection with a book, iPad, desk, or even just by crossing your legs. If you find that even your thigh can’t conceal your massive erection, you might want to read So You Want To Be A Pornstar… because it must mean you have a massive dick and you should be using your gift for the greater good (which of course is starring in porn movies).

But sometimes there’s nowhere to sit!  And sometimes even a massive erection can’t make you take time out of your busy schedule and wait until it goes away. If that sounds like you, then you might want to try a few of these techniques.

One trick that I’ve learned from Superbad is putting your erection in the waistband of your pants. Though you might feel like your dick will break or that you might blow your load, at least your erection won’t be visible in the crotch or pant-leg region. This boner-hiding technique works especially well if you also happen to be wearing a big billowy sweater. Do not try it if you’re wearing a croptop because the head of your erect penis with be exposed to the entire world, which is exactly what you don’t want.

If tucking your erection into your waistband isn’t for you, try the old pocket technique. It’s simple. If you see that your erection is visible, just reach into you pocket and hold your erection by the shaft and pull it (or push it) to one side until it’s gone. Just try and be discreet with your hand and how you walk holding an erect penis against your thigh. If you don’t act cool, people will notice you’ve got your hand covering an erection.

And if you dare, you can try tucking your “boner” between your thigh and scrotum. Though if you’re going to do that, DON’T SIT DOWN.

But ultimately, the best place to hide any erection is inside a vagina. What works best for me is hiding my full erection inside a vagina and then revealing most of it, and then hiding it again. Keep repeating the hiding and revealing in a steady rhythm and your “boner” will euphorically disappear.

Denny, thank you for your question and constant support. I hope this helped!

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Published on: December 9, 2013

Filled Under: Sex & Dating Tips

Views: 3228

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  • http://logicversusemotion.blogspot.com Eroscott

    LOL! I can’t remember having that problem since I was a teenager (and a virgin). I lived in the country and had to ride the school bus to school. Sometimes, for no reason that I could think of, I would get a “boner” just as the bus pulled into the place where we had to get off. In those days no one had a backpack. We carried our books in our hands. I would just shift the book more to cover my boner. How embarrassing. I wish I could get them like that now. LOL!

  • Drod89

    Dude…punch yourself in an awkward spot like your ass or behind the knees. If that doesn’t work or you have some serious masochism issues, you’ll need a therapist to help you out after you figure out how to deal with that untimely boner

  • 0z

    LOL! This is amazing

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