Calico Rudasil is a feature columnist for Sssh.com, the web’s original erotic site for women by women. With over 16 years’ experience of writing about and for the adult entertainment industry under her belt, Calico qualifies as something of a Web Porn Dinosaur; similar to a tyrannosaurus, only with far more attractive arms and a less pronounced overbite.
Today, Calico Rudasil comes to the Sex.com Blog to talk about the recent tragedy of a couple whose night of sex on the train tracks was ruined by an on-coming train.
Call me a skeptic, but….
A man in the Ukraine who survived an incident in which he was run over by a speeding locomotive, told the Ukranian Interior Ministry that he and his girlfriend “failed to overcome their natural passion when walking home” and decided to have a roll in the hay on a set of freaking railroad tracks.
What happened next was actually fairly predictable and pretty easily avoided, unless you have no idea what a train is, are stone deaf, and capable of such amazing sex that neither you nor your partner would notice several tons of steel, wood, counterfeit cigarettes (probably), Vodka (for sure) and Ukranian hobos bearing down on you at high speed: the intimately entwined couple got run over by – you guessed it! – a fucking train.
While I don’t doubt that there are people out there who are both sufficiently horny and sufficiently dumb to consider doing the horizontal mambo on a set of train tracks, I do think it’s quite fishy that the man survived to tell the tale (albeit in two pieces) and his girlfriend did not.
This all sounds a bit too much like something Charles Stuart would come up with, except he would screw up his story by claiming that the conductor was definitely a black guy who noticeably accelerated the train as soon as he spotted the impassioned lovers laying across the tracks, and he wouldn’t have the Russian-bear-sized balls to permit himself to be nearly cut in half to enhance the verisimilitude of his tawdry truncation-by-train tale.
The survivor reportedly said that he and his girlfriend wanted to “experience an extreme sensation near the railroad tracks,” but there’s a difference between near the railroad tracks and ON the fucking railroad tracks; the difference, in case you aren’t sure (or are Ukranian), is having a train go by right next to you while you’re fucking versus getting run over by a train while you’re fucking. It’s subtle, I know, but an important distinction if you plan on doing this sort of thing more than once.
It’s also possible, of course, that this incident really was sexual in nature, but just not quite as described by the survivor. If you’re familiar with the damsel in distress literary cliché, it’s not hard to imagine a couple wanting to engage in a little Perils of Pauline sex play that just got out of hand. Part of the thrill of being bound, after all, is giving over control to your partner – and what better way to demonstrate the depth of your trust than to allow your lover to not just tie you down, but tie you down to train tracks, to boot?
Maybe I’m being too harsh on this luckless (and possibly Lithuanian) Lothario; maybe things did go down just as he described. In that case, let his story be a cautionary tale for lovers everywhere, and especially those in former Soviet Republics: since Stalin kicked the bucket, the trains may no longer run on time, but, evidently, they do still run.
It’s not so much fishy, as it is just plain stupid. Unless losing his legs was a part of the murder plan…
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