Sex is complicated. No one understands that better than me. That’s why if you have a question about sex, I’m prepared to answer your questions with sexpert sex advice in this special Sex.com Blog feature, Chico’s Sex Advice.
Today’s question comes from fan of the blog, Justin. Justin writes:
“Okay. I met this woman online and we have talked for nearly a year and I am in love with her. I don’t know if she knows. She’s a virgin and she is afraid to have sex because she knows people who have been knocked up…I was wondering if there is a way to let her know that I will not hurt her or leave her and that she will feel safe and loved? And have sex with me?”
Excellent question Justin! Let’s start with the good news.
The good news is that this woman you met online is definitely a man and therefore it is physically impossible for you to get him pregnant. I’m sorry but 99.9% of women on the internet are actually men posing as women to prey on sensitive hunks like you and me or they’re robots. But if she’s a robot, that’s also good because you can’t get a robot pregnant either!
Despite the fact that you and your internet girlfriend cannot procreate because you’re either the same gender or made of totally different matter, I can totally understand your girlfriend’s hesitation to have sex. Getting pregnant is a huge inconvenience and ultimately, all sex is risky.
A condom can rip. Your vasectomy might not have worked. His birth control might not work.
There are a lot of wild variables that you can’t really control. You just have to trust each other.
Honestly, all you have to do is tell your internet girlfriend exactly what you told me. Tell him that you will not hurt him or leave him and that he will always feel safe and loved no matter what happens. When I read that, I was ready to have so much sex with you because that’s the sort of sweet reassurance that would make me feel safe and loved and willing to overcome my sexual apprehensions and try having sex.
But please, Justin, only say that if you really mean it. Otherwise, I’m going to be really disappointed in you.
If she’s still hesitant, all you can do is continue to be supportive. Yes, I know how frustrating that is but you have to respect her decision.
Also, sex isn’t everything. Based on what you’ve told me, you and your internet have a very strong emotional connection. That’s so much more important than sex.
Justin, I hope this was helpful. If he still won’t have sex with you for fear of getting pregnant, just remember that I love you and you’re a very sweet guy and things will work out for you some day.
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