Is Your Man, NOT Mr. Big?

Skye O’Donovan is a writer, film director and photgrapher for  She has been with this unique website for women exploring their sexuality since 2001 and has a passion for creating intelligent, erotic content for women viewers and readers.

Ms O’Donovan was nice enough to take time out of her busy schedule and come talk to us about penis size and sex-techniques for the average man.

So without further ado…

Is Your Man, NOT Mr. Big?

by Skye O’Donovan

Okay, we all know size doesn’t really matter. If your man knows how to please you with his hands, mouth and mind, the fact that he may have a smaller-than-average penis should not be an issue. In fact it does seem likely that men who are under-endowed should make sure they become well-versed in their sexual skills just in case they run into a situation where a partner is disappointed in their size, length or girth.

This brings me to an important distinction: we often equate male member endowment with length, but anecdotal evidence suggests that girth and width are actually far more important for sexual pleasure. So if your man is blessed with a short but stout chubby, be sure to let him know this makes all the difference! As the old saying goes, “It’s not the stroke, it’s the bore!

But let’s get to the point of this article and why you’re reading it. If your man is a smaller than the average bear, and this affects your sex life, you may need a bit of help with how to make the most of what he has. 

He may have the most tantalizing tongue and the most formidable fingers in the known universe, but sometimes there is nothing like being fucked senseless to really make a, well, deep connection to your partner. This article will offer you some tips to enhance sexual pleasure with positions and techniques designed for the smaller than average man.

But before we get started, please bear in mind that, for some men, this is a very sensitive issue. If your man is evolved and happy with who he is, chances are he has no problem with his size and his attitude is, “Hey, I will work with what I have”. But if a former sex partner (or more than one) has pointed out his size, or, worse, laughed or made disparaging comments or made him feel inadequate because of something he has no control over, this can be very psychologically damaging. Unfortunately, our culture places a lot of emphasis on men’s sexual prowess, and the idea that a man must be large and strong and well-endowed is equated with the ultimate in masculinity.


Personally, I have observed a phenomenon known as “short man syndrome” in which men whose height is less than average believe they have larger-than-average penises to make up for it. Some of them actually believe this is a fact of nature, that all short men are “given” larger equipment. I find this a bit silly, but, having been with a few shorter than average men (I am only 5’3” myself), it does seem to be a fairly active sexual myth. My point is that men’s physical attributes can often figure very significantly into their self image and personal confidence.

So if you think there is any chance your man’s feelings may be hurt at the suggestion that he’s not quite big enough to satisfy you (remember that episode of “Sex and the City” where Samantha finally told off her sweet but small lover with cruel finality? “Your dick is too small!” were her words. Ouch!) then the smart and kind thing to do would be to introduce these positions without any sort of explanation. Many couples tend to fall into a pattern; once they find out their respective sexual preferences, they will repeat these behaviors because they know it will lead to mutual pleasure. But after a while we may feel the need to shake things up a bit and introduce some new moves. No matter how long you and your man have been together, if you suggest you’d like to “try something new” he will probably be eager to go along for the ride, so to speak.

The best way to deal with this situation (try not to think of it as a problem, this can add negative thoughts to the process) is to engage in positions that allow for deeper penetration. Maybe you’ve already tried some of these, but this time keep in mind these positions, with practice, will allow your man to satisfy you in ways that will increase your pleasure and his self-confidence.

One of the best positions is for you to lie face down on the bed (or on cushions on the floor) and have your men get on his knees and enter you from behind, after lifting your legs to wrap around his waist or hips. He can support himself easily this way and control the depth of penetration. The drawback of this position is a lack of face-to-face intimacy, but you can try and turn your head so you can see each other, or install a mirror on the facing wall. If you are not used to rear-entry positions, this may take some getting used to; some women find it uncomfortable because they feel a lack of control. But these positions can lead to a great deal of mutual pleasure, so try them out.

“Doggie-style” (you on your hands and knees as he enters from behind) can work well, too; keep your back arched and your ass thrust outward. You might want to do some yoga stretches and sit-ups in preparation for this so your lower back does not get sore. Hold in your stomach muscles when you walk, this promotes strong abdominals and keeps the lower back strong. Your man can also hold one of your legs against him to achieve maximum penetration, be sure to stay balanced but if you fall over laugh it off and start again.

If you like to be on top, there are ways for you to get maximum penetration this way too (although this position is normally used to get better clitoral stimulation). If you sit on him, or lean forward and support yourself on your hands, you can get deeper penetration this way. You might also try lying flat on top of him and focusing on good clitoral stimulation during intercourse, then switching positions to achieve more depth and having him massage your vulva so you can climax together.

Trying something new is not limited to intercourse positions, though. Sometimes spicing up your sex life involves trying things that have nothing to do with the sex act itself! Check out our advice on fantasies, oral sex and other topics at to make sure you and your partner are using your imaginations and bodies for maximum enjoyment.

Big thanks to Skye and everyone at

Skye O'Donovan

Skye O’Donovan

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Published on: August 21, 2013

Filled Under: Sex, Sex & Dating Tips

Views: 1590

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  • Mr. Will

    “In fact it does seem likely that men who are under-endowed should make sure they become well-versed in their sexual skills just in case they run into a situation where a partner is disappointed in their size, length or girth.”

    Oh really? I abhor this line of thought.

    If I, as a man, said “In fact it does seem that women who aren’t as tight should make sure they know how to give a fierce blowjob in case their man isn’t satisfied with their NATURAL anatomical tightness.” I would be destroyed in moments.

    I’m all for learning to be a better partner, but acting like it is some absolute requirement is horrid.

    I’m going to admit right now, that I’m at or slightly below average in length. I can attest personally that some of the tips you gave here on positioning are wishful thinking with all but perfect alignment.

    Encourage people to explore and experiment together, but please don’t act like all men should immediately forget satisfying a lover with their cock just because they aren’t large… or that men HAVE to learn how to do other things better… Satisfying sex is hardly a one sided affair, and placing this much emphasis on the size of a man’s genitals is only setting the stage for anxiety, premature ejaculation, and more shame.

  • Chico Dusty

    Have you ever seen the Curb Your Enthusiasm episode where a nurse (played by Mo Collins) who used to date Jeff is going around town telling people he has a small penis when in fact she has a huge vagina?

    I think you’d like it.

    Why aren’t we allowed to say women’s vaginas are big sometimes? Everyone’s body is different.

    Team work.

    (Just a reminder, this a guest post. Don’t get mad at me!)

  • Rayne Millaray

    So one day, I went to Dunkin Donuts, and the service was awful. My sandwich was burnt. My coffee was cold. And they gave me the wrong sandwich for my husband. My bad for not checking stuff before we walked out, I guess. But when we got home, I stopped over to the DD website, and left them a message in their customer comments section.

    The email I got back was a form response that basically said the store we went to was a franchise owned by someone else, and there wasn’t much they could do. Thing is, it’s THEIR name on the door, and THEM the franchise owner is making look bad because no one thinks about the fact that most fast food restaurants aren’t actually owned by the named company.

    Just a friendly reminder that this is your website, and your name on the door. Even if you didn’t write it, you’re responsible for the info you put out there.

  • Meg B

    I hate to state the obvious, but this writer is from a Women’s site, so she is going to be writing “for women” from a woman’s point of view.

    The whole article is about women working and experimenting with their partners, so they both experience sexual enjoyment, or at least that’s how I interpret it. But I’m a woman….

  • Mr. Will

    Of all the things you could say, you choose to act like I implied that the author was wrong for being a woman?

    The ideas that this article enforce are not good for anyone. If the table was turned, you wouldn’t be happy. There would probably be some variant of “He’s a sexist pig” spat at the author thousands of times, and it would be over.

    All I’m asking for is a reconsideration of the attitude and ideas behind this article as it acts like the less endowed men of the world should be second class sexual citizens, resigned to only using other parts of their body because there is no way a less than average penis could possibly ever satisfy a woman.

    This thinking is flawed, and inappropriate when applied to any gender.

  • Rayne Millaray

    <.< Uhm…well. As a sex+ woman who has been with quite a few people–some of them short, fabulous lovers–I kinda take issue with how this "problem" is approached.

    Our bodies are glorious things that we should be proud of. How can we empower our lovers and help them love their bodies if, instead of facing the issue at hand, we shroud it in secrecy in the name of sparing their feelings? The positions may be helpful, but what if your lover isn't interested in doing things this way? Or can't? I mean, I have answers to those questions, because I'm kind of a sex nerd, but I don't think the reader walks away with answers to those questions.

    And, for the record, while this is a site meant for women, boxing men out of the conversation about our sex lives seems counterintuitive and counterproductive. Just sayin'.

  • Chico Dusty

    You’re absolutely right.

    Except that this is not my website. I’m just keeping a chair warm until I am replaced by a more cost-effective blog writing computer.

  • Chico Dusty

    What’s your point? (@ MEG B)

  • Lauren

    I didn’t interpret this article as attacking men for their size, or even calling them inadequate. Men and women come in all sizes, and as a lover we should want to know how to pleasure our partner and ourselves. Men have a lot of pressure put on them regarding size and it can be a difficult thing to talk about. Knowing ways to accommodate a large or small penis for a large or small vagina is just part of being a good lover. I liked the tips.

  • Chico Dusty

    Penis size is just a real touchy subject. Even the most earnest and good natured advice can feel like an attack. Realizing that size doesn’t really matter is like achieving enlightenment.

  • Lauren

    Agreed. These conversations are really hard to have without coming off as offensive. Maybe we should all consider ourselves enlightened!! ;)

  • Chico Dusty


  • wrik

    It all depends upon how the man does his job.. It might depend somewhat on the size, but that too is something personal..

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