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Jizz Lube

The Jizz Lube Review

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81XTHM 79BL. SL1500  The Jizz Lube Review

Jizz Lube

About a month ago, XRBrands announced a brand new cum scented lube called JIZZ.

Naturally, the internet jumped on JIZZ because a cum scented lube makes everyone do a double take. I was going to write about JIZZ when it was first announced, but I quickly realized that my post about JIZZ would just fall by the wayside along with everyone else’s posts that basically say, “Hey! Look at this crazy lube. Isn’t it crazy?”

So I got in touch with the good people at XRBrands and they were nice enough to send me four bottles of JIZZ. 

Unfortunately, I am the King Midas of cum. That means everything I touch becomes cum scented. I’ve been told that if I were to wash my beautiful, soft hands just once I wouldn’t leave a cum scent on everything I touch. But it’s 2013, shouldn’t there be an app that removes the cum scent from my body?

Knowing that I would be unfazed by a cum scented lube, I gave a bottle of JIZZ lube to my good friend and basketball teammate Wallace Rasheed. He was nice enough to write about his experience with XRBrands’ JIZZ lube so here now is Wallace Rasheed’s JIZZ lube review. Take it away ‘Sheed.

Jizz Semen Header The Jizz Lube Review

That’s a lot of Jizz

Sup y’all it’s Wallace!

You don’t know me but I’m checking in to review a fascinating little product I came across just the other day, something I think you sex.com-ers might be interested in. What am I talking about? I’m talking about the Master Series Jizz lubricant from XR Brands, made right here in the good ‘ole U S of A (Buy Amurican, am I right?).

Yes it’s true, for those of you out of the loop there is a lubricant being produced that purports to simulate the touch and smell of semen. It is available over the net or probably in your local sex shop for you to purchase and use as you please, which is exactly what I did a few minutes ago. And it was actually very chill.

One of the reasons I was so curious about this product in the first place was that I just couldn’t figure out who the hell would want something that smells like actual spunk. I mean, semen is some dank ass shit ya feel me?

So while I was no doubt intrigued by this novelty lube, I was also very ready to hate it. I kept thinking about all of the clever nasty things I would say about it to my buds when I gave them my review afterwards, basking in the glory of their guffaws as they patted me on the back and said “good job.” I mean if you’re trying to switch up the lube game with a bold new scent why not go with something more appealing like strawberry-mango or chocolate chip?

It finally dawned on me that there must surely be some people who enjoy the smell of semen IRL. Shit, I’ve never dabbled in semen fetishism so it simply hadn’t occurred to me. But mark my words; there are people in this wide world of ours that definitely enjoy some sex with their semen (confirmed by Google). So this product is for them. And also for the novelty seeker in the rest of us.

Being that I’m a poor solitary bachelor in my early 30s, once divorced and living with an equally poor solitary bachelor roommate, I don’t exactly have a stable of very nice ladies I can get at for a booty call. I wish I could tell you about a kinky encounter where I used Jizz with another human being, but for this review I’ll have to admit that I used Jizz on myself *gasp*.

I basically cued up a few videos made by some professional actors, slathered my dick with Jizz and got a smooth stroke going. The results were as outstanding as they were astounding. I forgot pretty quickly that I was using a lubricant called Jizz and instead found myself praising the virtues out loud while still stroking of what I was now calling a high-end bourgeois lubricant. Jizz looks like semen, it feels like semen (without the stickiness, duh) and it doesn’t smell a goddamn thing like semen.

Granted there are some musky semenesque shades of Old Spice body wash that creep in if you focus really hard, but this lube mostly just smells like really fruity trail mix. Not bad at all. On a side note, I would advise you to be careful not to use too much Jizz if you’re flying solo because things can get a little messy. This product is a must-try not only for the novelty of it but because it actually works like it’s supposed to. Because of that I give Jizz 60/69 (minus 9 points for not smelling as advertised). I would encourage you to try it out with other humans and report back in the comments. Thanks for reading.

I’m Wallace, I’ll see you around.

BWoS1hJIcAA72XD The Jizz Lube Review

Chico’s hand with Jizz Lube just in case you’re not convinced it’s a real thing.

Thanks Wallace. You’re the man.

What I’m still struggling to figure out is who would buy this. Not to suggest that it’s not a high-quality lube that you should all try, but I can’t wrap my head around who the target market is.

Men won’t buy JIZZ lube because they can easily make their own jizz lube. And based on my own experiences with women and jizz, women won’t buy it because they hate jizz.

Are there women in the world that crave the smell of jizz that they would buy a sexual lubricant that smells like jizz? If there are, please direct me to these women immediately. I have three more bottles of JIZZ.

Though the existence of XRBrands’ JIZZ lube is confusing, the only thing we need to know is that it’s a part of the “Master Series“, which must mean that they know what they’re doing:

photo1 The Jizz Lube Review

All the proof I need.

Big thanks again to Wallace for trying the Jizz Lube and XR Brands for sending me the samples.

Jizz Lube is now on sale for $12.68 and you can get it by clicking here.

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I have to wear my glasses when I go to the theater. If you want to reach me directly, email me at chicodustyblog@gmail.com, add me to your circles on Google+ or Tweet at me on Twitter.

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