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This New Vibrator Claims It Can Make You Smarter

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Dextrus Product 640x382 This New Vibrator Claims It Can Make You Smarter

Like you needed another excuse to masturbate.

According to a new sex survey by luxury sex toy manufacturer LELO, left-handed people are not only more creative than their right-handed counterparts, but they are also 71% more sastified sexually. That’s great news for the lefties of the world, but it’s also totally unfair because 90% of the world’s population is right-handed.

I wish it was still socially acceptable for nuns to smack lefties with a ruler, forcing them to use their right hand. Maybe then the lefties of the world would understand the endless pain and suffering that is living right-handed.

However, disciplinary nuns are hard to find nowadays so LELO has come up with another solution. They’ve released a new vibrator exclusively for the right-handed called THE DEXTRÜS and they claim it will make users smarter. 

So how will using this luxury vibrator make you smarter?

In April 2013, Ruth Propper and colleagues at Montclair State University published a study that found using your non-dominant hand can increase neural activity. So LELO has designed the DEXTRÜS for right-handed people to use it with their left hand in hopes of sparking more neural activity.

Users squeeze the DEXTRÜS’s silicone shell to create whisper-quiet vibrations to your clitoris and your left-arm, which will ultimately travel to the right side of the brain, blocking distractions and encouraging, more creative thought. And then “the left-handed orgasm” will open your brain synapses and you’ll achieve enlightenment or something.

Personally, I don’t believe that using this vibrator will make you smarter. It might be nice to use a different hand to get yourself off, but if you want to get smarter you might want to try reading any kind of book before spending $300 on a vibrator.

I’m so sorry. I don’t know what I’m saying. Reading is for nerds. Of course you should masturbate to get smarter. Or dumber. Just masturbate all the time.

The DEXTRÜS won’t be available until late April 2014, so you have lots of time to practise masturbating with your left hand. But I recommend focusing on saving up that $300 because who has $300 to spend on a vibrator?

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Comments

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