All the news coverage of the Sochi Winter Olympics has been inexplicably focused on the sporting events, with hardly anyone talking about how much sex the athletes are having in the Olympic Village.
Everyone knows that the Olympic Village is basically a two week long hook-up fest. I mean, you have all the best athletes in the world living together. They are in peak physical condition. Specimens of human perfection. How are they not supposed to fuck each other?
Earlier this week, 23 year-old snowboarder Jamie Anderson revealed that using popular hook-up app Tinder in the Olympic Village was Tinder on a whole new level. And while that news certainly is awesome, it’s not quite the level of juicy, Olympic sex gossip we’ve been hoping for since the games opened last Friday.
Thankfully, The Onion has just released a new report that reveals just how much sex Olympians are having in Sochi. Let’s take The Onion’s sex tour of the Olympic Village!
Note: Before you leave a comment saying that this isn’t real, I know it’s not real. The Onion is America’s greatest parody news source and this fake report was too good not to share with a straight face. Sorry if you thought it was real!