No summer is complete without accomplishing a goal of some kind.
Whether it’s hitting a home run in your beer league or pinning 1,000 pictures to a single Sex.com board, summer is always better when you know you didn’t waste long days, warm weather, and vacation time just scratching your scrote.
One goal you should all be looking to accomplish this summer is to have sex in a pool. Pool sex is just like regular sex but wetter and kind of out in the open (it depends on the pool), which means that it’s much more exciting than regular sex.
Summer is your best chance to have pool sex because pools are open in the summer, you dunce. Good luck trying to have pool sex in the middle of January.
However, before you jump in the water and start having sex, pool sex isn’t as simple as you might think. So let me break it down for you.
Here’s Chico Dusty‘s guide to pool sex:
No matter how tempting it may be and no matter what you’ve seen in mainstream or porn movies, never-ever have sex in water. It’s almost impossible for a man to enter the vagina underwater. If you are able, harmful chemicals and bacteria are going to enter your lady’s body, which no one wants. Some people will tell you it’s fine, but having sex while submerged makes it difficult to keep a condom on. Plus chlorine and heat aren’t good for a condom’s durability.
Just so everyone is safe, don’t have sex fully submerged under water.
So when I say pool sex, it’s not sex in a pool as much as it sex near a pool. Or at very least stay in the shallow end.
Lube? Why would you need lube if you’re having pool sex? Aren’t you already covered in water?
While it is slippery fun to have sex when you’re soaking wet, water actually washes away the body’s natural lubricant, drying out your naughty bits, leading to not-so-pleasurable sex.
To prevent any not-so-pleasure sex, just bring some silicone based lubricant that’s not water soluble. Check out these silicone based lubricants to get you started.
POOL SEX POSITIONS
Pool sex isn’t really that complicated. Watch out for water and bring some lube. Also, don’t get caught.
Now that you know of the three main precautions of pool sex, you’re ready to learn the best pool sex positions known to man (and woman).
Breaking the waves:
Guys, sit in some shallow water with your legs crossed.
Ladies, straddle his lap with your knees on either side of his hips.
Once your lady is on top of you, grab her butt to help her with the back and forth gyrations. Ladies, rock on your man with the rhythm of the ocean in mind.
On the Edge:
Ladies, lay on your back with your butt just hanging off the pool deck so it’s above the water.
Guys, stand in the water facing your lady.
When you’re ready for pool sex ladies, lift your legs up and place them on your man’s shoulders for support.
Once her legs are on your shoulders, guys get ready to go to work.
Because the man is standing in the water, thrusting, expect to have pleasure spasms as your naughty bits get a jolt of cool water every now and then.
This pool sex position will only work if you have some kind of floating device that’s strong enough to support the weight of two people.
Ladies start by lying face-down on the floatation device.
Guys wait in waist-deep water until your lady is outstretched on the floatation device. Once she’s settled, swing one of legs over the device as if you were mounting a horse. Once you’re straddled the floatation device, enter your lady from behind. As soon as the floatation device is steady, you should stretch out on top of your lady and commence thrusting.
While having pool sex in this position, there is a 99% chance that you and your partner are going to tip over or fall. But that’s part of the fun! Think of Surf’s Up as the pool sex equivalent of having sex on a trapeze, but less dangerous.
If Surf’s Up doesn’t work out, pull your floatation device into shallower water where the guy can stand comfortably.
Now ladies lay face-down on the floatation device again but this time let your legs and ass dangle off the edge.
Fellas, grab your lady by the thighs like you were lifting a wheelbarrow or attempting the standing wheelbarrow sex position.
Because your lady will be practically weightless on the floatation device, pull her towards you when you’re thrusting for one of the deepest penetrations either of you will ever feel.
Ladies, just hang on and don’t fall off that randy raft!
Now go find a secluded pool so that you can cross off “pool sex” from your summer checklist!