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I’ll Take “Things One Normally Doesn’t Associate with Wisconsin” for $2000, Alex

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Beach Sex I’ll Take “Things One Normally Doesn’t Associate with Wisconsin” for $2000, Alex

Sexy beaches in Wisconsin?

Calico Rudasil is a feature columnist for Sssh.com, the web’s original erotic site for women by women. With over 16 years’ experience of writing about and for the adult entertainment industry under her belt, Calico qualifies as something of a Web Porn Dinosaur; similar to a tyrannosaurus, only with far more attractive arms and a less pronounced overbite.

What’s the first thing that comes to mind when you hear the word “Wisconsin?” Is it cheese, perhaps? The Green Bay Packers? A bit of both?

Whatever it is that the Badger State brings to mind for you, I’m willing to bet that thing is not nude beaches – but lo and behold, Wisconsin doesn’t just have a nude beach, it evidently has a problem with public sex taking place at that nude beach. 

Now, at this time of year, even relatively libertine sorts such as myself can see a few problems with having sex on a beach in Wisconsin, issues such as very significant shrinkage, accidentally getting one’s naughty bits stuck to an icy flagpole, and the prospect of being exposed to the vision of two (or more) particularly obese, sausage-and-cheddar-fueled Wisconsinites taking a roll in the snow-covered and highly public hay.

The period of concern for Wisconsin’s Department of Natural Resources, however, isn’t the winter (when, presumably, it’s only members of the Polar Bear Club that are doing the nasty on Mazo Beach – and not even law enforcement wants to risk accidentally stumbling across that) but the June-to-October time frame, when it’s evidently de rigeur to be de rigide on de beach.

According to the DNR, a whopping 13 citations were handed out at Mazo during that period this year, all of them for sex – but DNR officials also say that those numbers are just the penis-tip of the iceberg.

“There’s no doubt there’s more stuff going on,” says Nathan Kroeplin, a supervisor of the DNR’s law enforcement activities for Dane County, adding that “there’s definitely frustration” that closing the beach during weekdays didn’t make a dent in all that dirty deed-doing.

Apparently, even merely exposing one’s genitals is illegal in Wisconsin, but when it comes to nudists, prosecutors say that the nekked have to cause some manner of disturbance before they will be charged. Part of Kroeplin’s frustration, in fact, seems to stem from people who frequent the beach not being sufficiently disturbed by their peers doing the horizontal mambo at the Mazo.

“Some of the stuff we cited people for was fairly discreet, but there was other stuff out in the wide open and never once did I see somebody come up and say ‘stop that,’” Kroeplin notes.

Well Nate, that’s probably because – unlike you – most of the folks going to Mazo aren’t paid buzzkills, and rather than serve as limp sticks in the mud, they prefer to just move their beach blanket a little further from the boffing and penis-puffing and get on with enjoying their day.

Interestingly enough, this is far from the strangest sex-related question of law to come out of Wisconsin in recent years. Back in the mid-aughts, there was an incident in which a man had sex with a dead deer – then briefly argued that this was not an act of bestiality, because under Wisconsin law, an “animal” is a living creature, by definition. Sadly, the defendant in that case copped a plea before the engaging question of whether bestiality + necrophilia = no crime in the great (if somewhat sexually odd) state of Wisconsin could be explored by the court.

Thankfully, Kroeplin and his fellow authorities haven’t had to wrestle this year with the question of whether a naked corpse can be charged with exposing its genitals – but, technically, 2013 does have nearly two months left to go, so they probably shouldn’t get too comfortable just yet….

You can see more from Calico Rudasil at Sssh.com, the web’s original erotic site for women by women.

ai I’ll Take “Things One Normally Doesn’t Associate with Wisconsin” for $2000, Alex

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