“PURE” Sex App
Finally. It’s the app you’ve all been waiting for.
I’m proud to introduce PURE, the new sex app by GetPure Inc that lets users find local partners for sex or other romantic rendezvous.
“Pure is about giving men and women freedom and choice. It can be as romantic or as practical as its users choose to make it,” the company says.
Basically, it’s the Grindr for heterosexuals that we’ve always been promised (but it works for gay men too! What about gay women, y’all?). One thing that’s really exciting about this new sex app is its simplicity. Take a look:
All you see is people who want the same things as you, who are near by, and are ready to meet up.
What’s really smart of them is that they’ve included a Host / Travel preference. That way if you’re only willing to travel, you’ll only be matched with people willing to host. That means no more awkward stalemate like, “So where do you want to do this?”
Just like Tinder, matches are generated in second and mutual attraction is confirmed with a simple “Yes” or “No”.
And if you’re concerned about the security of this new sex app, PURE has a bunch of failsafes.
For one, requests and photos are only made available to members who match your criteria. In other words, if you’re looking for a busty babe, you won’t be flooded with dick pics. More importantly, requests, conversation history, and any photos are deleted automatically after 1 hour. Anonymity is guaranteed. Sorry blackmailers, looks like you’re going to have to wait for another, dumber sex app to come out.
Not to mention if you don’t show up to arranged meetings, use misleading pictures to attract matches, or violate the terms and conditions you will be banned. How will the sex app know to ban you? Confidential user feedback is mandatory. You might be a little suspicious but you have to remember that this sex app makes casual sex so accessible. Casual sex is great but every now and then it can get you into some precarious situations. They’re just trying to protect their users from anyone that would abuse the power of instant casual sex.
Normally I’d get all conspiracy theory on the user feedback thing but they’re just trying to ensure that this sex app is the sex app we’ve dreamed of. For now, it looks like it is.
However, there is one small catch.
The PURE sex app still needs to get approval from Apple. I’d be surprised if it did get its approval. If it doesn’t get approval, I’m confident that the PURE sex app will come out for Android.
Either way, you should sign up to be a member right now because the sex app is invite only.
I look forward to having casual sex with all local women who meet my needs.
What are my needs exactly?
Nothing really. I’m easy. Very, very easy. Get it?
(I’m a slut. A man-slut.)