Cereal is something we’ve always tried to stay away from here at the Sex.com Blog. Which is tough because we love Seinfeld and Jerry Seinfeld always made it look very delicious.
The reason we’ve always tried to stay away from cereal is because of its anti-sexual past. Cereal anti-sexual? Yes, cereal has an anti-sexual past. Get ready for a little history lesson.
Ferdinand Schumacher created the first breakfast cereal in 1854 with a hand oat grinder in some dingy Akron, Ohio basement. Originally, breakfast cereal was intended to be a cheap replacement for breakfast pork.
Anyways, fast forward a couple of years to John Harvey Kellogg at the Battle Creek Sanitarium in Michigan. The Battle Creek Sanitarium was a health resort whose practices were based on the Seventh-day Adventist Church.
Kellogg believed that masturbation and sex were the cause of most health problems. So to cure people of their natural sexual urges (and by extension, illnesses), Kellogg fed his patients Corn Flakes. Because nothing kills the urges like a meatless, flavorless, sugarless breakfast.
Ironically, Kellogg also regularly gave the patients of the Battle Creek Sanitarium yogurt enemas. We’re not sure what the purpose of the yogurt enemas was but one thing’s for sure, that’s some kinky shit.
Because John Harvey Kellogg used cereal to kill the sex drives of his patients, we’ve been anti-cereal since the mid-20th century. However, now there’s a cereal made to improve your sex life. It’s called SexCereal and it’s completely changed our position on eating cereal for breakfast. Let us tell you all about it.
SexCereal is a gluten-free granola cereal that is supposedly infused with ingredients made to boost testosterone in men and create hormonal balance in women. And to make sure women aren’t getting too much testosterone and men aren’t getting a hormonal balance, SexCereal has SexCereal for Him AND SexCereal for Her. They contain different ingredients depending on your gender needs. We’re not crazy about gender segregation but we can all agree that it’s ok in this case.
So what’s in it?
SexCereal for Him is made with:
- Bee pollen to support endurance, sperm count, and sex drive.
- Black sesame, which is high in magnesium for strength and endurance. Magnesium is also a necessary ingredient in hormones.
- Wheat germ, known casually as vitamin sex because it’s so good for circulation.
- Camu Camu for lots of vitamin C. Vitamin C gives you energy, a better immune system, and improves vascular functions.
- Maca for heightened libido.
- Pumpkin seeds that pump zinc into the prostate.
- Chia seeds for improved erectile responses.
- Cacao nibs for the dopamine (the chemical in your brain that’s released during orgasms).
- Oats because otherwise it wouldn’t be cereal.
Meanwhile SexCereal for Her is made with:
- Ginger which is an aphrodisiac in mythology and science.
- Cacao nibs for the dopamine (again). Cacao nibs are also high in magnesium.
- Chia seeds for the omega 3, which is a building block for female hormones.
- Almonds to give you zinc, selenium, and vitamin E for better sex drive and sexual health.
- Flax seeds to balance estrogen
- Oat bran that will clear arteries, increase bloodflow, which in turn will produce better vaginal lubrication in women
- Maca (see above)
- Oats because once again it wouldn’t be cereal if there weren’t any oats.
So now that you know what’s in it, the real question is, “Does it work?”
It might work. That’s all we can say. We’ve never tried it.
Most likely SexCereal works as a placebo. If you eat enough of these ingredients every morning as a miracle cure for your dismal sex drive, your mind will eventually trick your body into feeling more energetic. Not to mention, the sex appeal of the packaging will probably create some early morning horniness in some people.
One thing that is for sure is that diet and sex are connected. If you eat poorly, it’s going to affect your sex life negatively. SexCereal may not work as an aphrodisiac but it could help people eat better.
We’re happy that finally we have a cereal that is pro-sex, however cereal kind of sucks, right? Why can’t someone invent a burger or pizza that will improve your sex life?