Last week we were tantalized by the possibility of two celebrity sex tapes. Carly Rae Jepsen’s turned out to be a fake and there is little hope that Minka Kelly’s will get a release. Celebrity sex tapes always make news because everyone loves them. These people are on pedestals and to see them hop on the good foot to do the bad thing is just priceless.
As of right now I have no new nude celebrities to offer you. Instead of sitting on our hands and waiting for a famous person to slip up and leak footage of their knob slobbing skills with the internet, I’ve got a great idea to keep you busy.
Make your own sex tape! You won’t even have to worry about tabloids finding out because you’re just a regular nobody. Unless you become famous later, which the chances are slim because you simply aren’t talented or good-looking enough. But if you do beat the odds congratulations your sex tape will make you even more famous! Look at what it did for those rich socialites a few years ago.
With technology today, you can hit record and ride roughshod then when you’re done call it a sex tape. But if you want your tape to be something you want to watch follow these simple steps to make your tape not only watchable but enjoyable:
- Casting: You do not want to make a sex tape with a stranger. Who knows what could happen during or afterwards with the footage. If you’re going to film it, you should need to trust the other person (or people) involved. This especially important if you’re worried about on-screen chemistry. By being selective with who you’re shooting with, you’re on the right track to making a quality sex tape. You can skip this step if you plan on starring in a solo video.
- Equipment: Webcams and cellphones are lousy for resolution. For a one time romp I’ll let it slide but if you’re planning to make a series of tapes get your hands on a MiniDV camera. It will make a difference. And keep your finger away from the zoom.
- Lighting: This is where a lot of amateur videos go wrong. Harsh lighting could highlight zits or hairs that you’re going to find unattractive. Dim light can lead to blurry images. Nightvision is not even an option, though it did work for Paris Hilton. Low wattage lamps that point toward your bodies and away from the camera is your best bet for the best image. Take your time with test shots to see what works for where you are.
- Switch it up: Changing positions is important but I’m not talking about that. Camera or not you should always be switching it up. Leaving the camera on a flat surface or tripod and letting it be a voyeur is always tempting because if you’re nervous you can easily forget about it. Not to mention sex is always easier hands-free. The problem is you only get one angle which is boring. Film your partner, let your partner film you, place it back on the tripod, whatever you’re feeling at the time. The changing perspective will make the tape more intimate and more exciting.
- Act natural: Whatever you do, don’t look into the lens. Only morons look directly into the camera. Even if the camera is in your face, focus on your partner. Acknowledging the camera ruins the illusion when you’re reviewing. If you’re a talker in bed then talk. The whole point is to have a realistic depiction of what you and your partner(s) are like in bed. If you’re self-conscious, you won’t be happy with the finished product. Have some red wine before you get down to business. In moderation, red wine increases blood flow, relaxes you, and lowers inhibitions, which will help you act natural.
- Distribution deal: Sex tapes are supposed to be a fun thing. Only assholes use it for blackmail or financial gain. Once you’re done shooting, you have to talk to your partner(s) and agree on what will be done with the footage. If you made an incredible tape but your girlfriend doesn’t want the internet to see it, by God you better not share it with anyone.
So there you have it. Follow these steps if you’re planning to make a sex tape and I guarantee you’ll be happy with the results. If all partner(s) can agree to the video being shared, feel free to post it on Sex.com in the amateur section. We’ll be happy to give you some feedback.