Sex is complicated. No one understands that better than me. That’s why if you have a question about sex, I’m prepared to answer your questions with sexpert sex advice in this special Sex.com Blog feature, Chico’s Sex Advice.
Today’s question comes from friends of the blog KenSexy and her College Roommates (whom you may remember from the Rough Sex edition of Chico’s Sex Advice). She wants to know…
“Is it still taboo to have sex on the first date? Does it ruin the chances of anything serious?
3 College Roommates”
Excellent question! Tough question, but excellent nonetheless.
Is it still taboo to have sex on the first date? Hm… I don’t think so. This could just be a product of the desensitization to sex I’ve undergone during my tenure at Sex.com but is there anything taboo about sex anymore? I feel like the ubiquity of sex (pornography, sexually suggestive mainstream material, etc.) has made it OK to have sex whenever and wherever you want.
With that said, I do believe that if you’re looking for a serious relationship, you should probably wait a couple dates before you have sex.
Sex on the first date is fun but unfortunately it predicates your whole relationship on sex. Maybe it’s just me, but for me I like it when I don’t have sex on the first date. For one, if things went well on that first date, I will try to see you again because I am determined to have sex with you. But more importantly, it lets you and your date focus on building chemistry outside of the bedroom, which is something your relationship needs if it’s going to survive.
Mind you, sometimes that chemistry is instantaneous. If that’s the case then by all means have sex on the first date because that could ignite some serious passion in your relationship.
I also feel like not having sex on the first date is a good way to weed out the bad seeds. For example, if you say goodnight and he starts freaking out because you didn’t invite him upstairs for sex, then it’s for the best that you didn’t decide to have sex with him. Meanwhile, someone who reacts positively to no sex will surely be a good partner in a serious relationship because it’s clear that he respects you and your choices. Right? I sure hope so.
Ultimately, there are a lot of variables to first dates so to say whether or not you should have sex on the first date is totally unreasonable. The best thing you can do is go into your first date not expecting to have sex, but if you feel a good connection and good chemistry then go for it!
Since there’s no taboo associated to sex on the first date anymore, it’s up to you to use your best judgement as to whether or not having sex on the first date will jeopardize any chance you have of getting serious.
Sorry that my answer isn’t more definitive. To make up for this fair and balanced answer, here’s what you should do to ensure your chances of getting serious are safe whether you choose to have sex on the first date or not.
NO SEX ON THE FIRST DATE
Even though you had a great time and he’s totally hot, you get the feeling like he’s the type of guy that will just fuck you and chuck you. Sadly, you need to test him to see if he’s interested in something more than sex. So what you should say to him is, “I had a great time and I’d like to see you again.”
Before he can even answer, grab him and give him a passionate kiss. Just a little bit of tongue but not too much! As soon as you’re done, get the fuck out of there.
A passionate kiss followed by an abrupt exit will leave him aroused and wanting more. Plus, the kiss will let him know that you’re definitely interested and you’ll probably have sex soon, just not now. Maybe next date.
SEX ON THE FIRST DATE
So you just had a great time on your first date with a guy who is totally hot. The chemistry is definitely there (and not just sexual chemistry). You invite him back to your house and things start to heat up.
Right before you have sex, grab hold of his penis and tell him, “I’m not looking for a one night stand. If we’re going to do this, I need to know you want to see me again.” Yes, it’s harsh but he’s in such a vulnerable position that he has no choice but to agree to see you again.
Make sense? Worst case scenario, he never follows through. At least you know he’s a scummy dude but he’s still totally hot and you got to have sex with him.
Alright College Roommates, I hope this helped.
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