I don’t where they are or who has them, but The Hollywood Gossip is reporting that Nicolas Cage’s sex photos are out there somewhere.
According to law enforcement, Nic Cage’s sex pictures were stolen by a former (and presumably disgruntled) handyman, who broke into Christina Fulton’s house.
Christina Fulton is of course the mother of Nicolas Cage’s adult son Weston Cage.
Here’s a picture of Christina Fulton for reference:
Is anyone surprised that a woman with this much plastic surgery would have porn of herself?
Even though the handyman has been apprehended and held on 1 million dollar bail, Nic Cage’s sex pictures have yet to be recovered.
Now normally I could care less about sex photos of a male celebrity, but c’mon. This isn’t just any male celebrity. This is Nicolas Cage! You may remember him from such films as National Treasure and National Treasure 2.
Let me show you why Nicolas Cage’s sex pictures are worth getting excited about:
If these are the faces that Nic Cage makes in his day to day life and while he’s working, I can only assume that the faces Nic Cage makes during sex are 100 times more outrageous.
So please, if you by chance acquire Nic Cage’s stolen sex pictures, please forward them to me so I can share them with the world.
And then we’ll all go like this: