I’d like to start this new edition of BABES ON INSTAGRAM with an apology. It’s been far too long since we told which hot babes you absolutely need to be following on Instagram and for that everyone at the Sex.com Blog is sorry.
As an ass-man, I’m powerless to resist the allure of TeenCurves‘ massive collection of big ass videos. But today when I was going through big ass after big ass, I found myself taking issue with one of their newer scenes… Continue Reading
Jennifer Lopez has teamed up with Iggy Azalea and Hype Williams (whom you all know as the director of Belly starring DMX and Nas) for what might be the sexiest music video of 2014, BOOTY.
What makes Jennifer Lopez’s BOOTY featuring Iggy Azalea the year’s sexiest music video? Continue Reading
If there’s one song I love, it’s Amish Paradise by Coolio. I never thought that a mainstream rapper could make a song about being an Amish person believably, but here we are. Coolio is the most gangster Amish person of all time. Check out this video for Amish Paradise, Coolio’s biggest hit and one of the greatest and most influential songs in the pantheon of popular music:
OK, OK. I was just kidding. I know that song is by the greatest man to ever live, Weird Al Yankovic. I was simply trying to capitalize on the insane amount of buzz surrounding his most recent album. Since when is Weird Al Yankovic the most famous and popular musician of all time anyways? But back to Coolio, for real.
TMZ reports that Coolio is putting out a new video, called “Take it to the Hub.” This will be Coolio’s first song since 2009 – even then, nobody knew he was still putting out music. In 2014? Shit’s crazy. Coolio totally looked like he was going to be one of the next big rappers when he put out Gangster’s Paradise in the 90s. It’s an awesome song. But he could never really capitalize on the fame the hit brought him, and he faded out into obscurity pretty quick.
You know dude has fallen off for a couple of reasons:
a) He’s 50.
b) He’s never had a hit since the early 90s, yet has continued to put out music. Nobody can speak to how good his later music is because nobody has ever listened to it.
c) His new video is launching exclusively on Pornhub.
It’s actually not a bad marketing method. Lots of people go to Pornhub. But they go to watch porn, not to watch rap videos. I imagine furiously masturbating to porn videos and then all of a sudden, BAM, 50-year-old Coolio’s greasy mug is all up on my screen and my penis turns into a shrivelled pistachio in like 0.0000005 seconds.
Anyway, here’s a teaser trailer for his new video, brought to you by TMZ:
What do you think about Coolio’s marketing efforts? Could get him a bit of buzz, I suppose, but I don’t see it translating into any form of sustained success. More importantly – why didn’t he approach Sex.com?
Let me leave you with this little bit of advice, direct from Coolio. If ever you’re feeling down about your own prospects or career or life, just remember these lyrics and recite them in your head meditatively. Everything will be all right. Serenity now. And I quote, from Coolio:
As I walk through the valley where I harvest my grain
I take a look at my wife and realize she’s very plain
But that’s just perfect for an Amish like me
You know, I shun fancy things like electricity
At 4:30 in the morning I’m milkin’ cows
Jebediah feeds the chickens and Jacob plows… fool
And I’ve been milkin’ and plowin’ so long that
Even Ezekiel thinks that my mind is gone
I’m a man of the land, I’m into discipline
Got a Bible in my hand and a beard on my chin
But if I finish all of my chores and you finish thine
Then tonight we’re gonna party like it’s 1699
Turns out Sir Mix A lot was much ahead of his time when he wrote “Baby got Back”. Big butt craze has been going around since before Nicki Minaj got ass implants and I know girls who have never run on a treadmill but do squats as if it’s going out of style. I’m also totally pro-booty too, I mean look at these:
How can you not be? Having a big butt has also recently been shown to have an effect on health and intelligence as we posted about not too long ago here.
But how does one go about getting a bigger butt? Not all of us have 10 000$ to drop on butt implants like Nicki, simply gaining weight is definitely not the recipe for a more shapely booty and unless you win the genetic butt lottery, you’re only left with one option: exercising your butt off… or on, in this case.
According to Cosmo, the most effective exercises when it comes to getting a shapely butt are heel raises, jump squats and leg bridges. See instructions on how to do them properly here.
Some other sources list forward lunges, step ups, and machine kickbacks as effective ways too.
Basically, any exercise that works the three main muscles of the butt (The gluteus maximus, gluteus medius and the gluteus minimus) will get you much faster and better results than just simply doing squats all day.
It doesn’t sound easy, does it? But don’t tell me it isn’t worth it:
So it’s May, which means that Elegant Angel has a new Girl of the Month!
Elegant Angel’s Girl of the Month selections have been impeccable so far. They’ve had Summer Brielle, Dani Daniels, Casey Calvert and other hotties, but this month’s Girl of the Month is special because she really hits close to home.
By the way, this month’s Girl of the Month is none other than big bootied babe AJ Applegate.
You need to be a member of ElegantAngel.com to watch AJ Applegate’s new exclusive Girl of the Month scene, but thankfully by reading this blog, you can become a member for just $5!
This is a special price for readers of the Sex.com Blog, so take advantage of it while you can!
For anyone wondering why AJ Applegate being named Elegant Angel’s Girl of the Month hits close to home, I’d love to tell you it’s because AJ’s a former lover of mine, but sadly I have yet to have the pleasure of hitting that fat ass.
No, the reason AJ Applegate being named Elegant Angel’s Girl of the Month hits close to home is because of Nestle Drumsticks.
I love food. I eat it almost every day. But there’s no food more delicious than a Nestle Caramel Drumstick. I can’t quite explain my obsession with Nestle Drumsticks. All I know is that there’s nothing that tastes better than vanilla ice cream with a caramel centre, dipped in chocolate and peanuts, served in a waffle cone. And ever since they increased the chocolate nugget at the bottom of the waffle cone by 30%, I have absolutely no self-control. I have to eat at least one Nestle Drumstick every three days.
That said, given my fixation on Drumsticks and the fact that I write for a porn site, there’s a running joke in my group of friends that I have a bizarre Nestle Drumstick-fetish. That the Nestle Drumstick isn’t just a delicious snack that I buy as a present to myself on an almost daily basis, but a cheap edible sex toy and the only thing that could ever get me off. Which isn’t that far off from the truth.
You can only imagine my surprise when watching the trailer for AJ Applegate’s exclusive Girl of the Month scene (watch the full thing on ElegantAngel.com) to see AJ using a Nestle Drumstick as a sex toy, smearing herself with delicious chocolate, vanilla ice cream, caramel centre, and waffle cone from tit to clit.
I couldn’t believe it. A joke that’s been going strong for nearly two years now realized in an actual porn scene. How did they know?
Whoever had the idea of AJ Applegate starting her scene with a Nestle Drumstick tease has won the undying respect of this blog.
While watching AJ Applegate smear Drumstick all over herself, I was extremely aroused because now that I’ve seen a Drumstick used in the a sexual context, I’ve realized that I truly do have a Nestle Drumstick fetish. However, I was also frustrated to watch someone wantonly waste a Nestle Drumstick.
Anyways, you should watch the trailer below because I’d really like to make sure that I’m not the only person in the world with a Nestle Drumstick fetish.
There’s a story floating around the internet that on April 4th, 2014, it will be “Zero Gravity Day”. The story goes that due to a planetary alignment, everyone will be able to float in the air for five minutes because there’s zero gravity.
That is simply the dumbest thing I have ever heard. Sorry to anyone who was genuinely excited to float in the air for five minutes, but it’s physically impossible for Earth’s gravity to take a five minute break. And on top of that, there will be no special planetary alignment on April 4th. See for yourself.
What’s discouraging is the number of people that believed April 4th was going to be “Zero G Day” (especially when you remember that this hoax was already done in January of this year!)
Are you fucking kidding me? Please get yourself down to the Adult Education Annex in your town and register for Remedial Science 1A.
Hey I’m really sorry to rain on your Zero-G-Day parade, but gravity is actually pretty cool.
To help you understand the importance of gravity, here are 31 GIFs that will make you thankful for gravity’s existence: Continue Reading
Well guys, Jen Selter sure has come a long way from just being Instagram’s favorite ass. And no, I’m not referring to the fact that she’s a known fitness personality nowadays.
Jen Selter has moved on from posing for Instagram selfies that showcase her deliciously round and plump butt and is now posing for Vanity Fair.
Oooo…Vanity Fair. That’s a well-known magazine. She must look even sexier than normal in photos shot by Vanity Fair, right? Wrong.
Maybe it’s just me, but I found Jen Selter’s Vanity Fair pictures to be extremely unflattering. Maybe it’s the outfit they chose or inexplicable decision to put more emphasis on her face than her ass.
If it were up to me, Jen Selter wouldn’t pose for any pictures other than her own Instagram pics while wearing those special yoga pants that make all butts look amazing (her Van Styles pics not withstanding, obviously). But hey, it’s not up to me. It’s up to Jen. I just hope that next time they don’t make her look so cold and scary. You really blew it Vanity Fair.
Anyways, Jen Selter’s Vanity Fair pictures…[wpsgallery]
DAT ASS THOUGH, RIGHT?
Following pornstars on Twitter can be kind of a pain because it limits the locations where you can check Twitter. At least for me it does. For some reason, I’m just not comfortable looking at ass selfies on my phone while a bunch of mouth-breathers beside me on the bus be peeping my screen.
That said, following pornstars on Twitter is awesome because eventually you’ll get to see some homemade topless pictures or pussy pictures that can’t be seen anywhere else. It’s like free amateur porn made by your favorite pornstars.
Sadly, one of the best pornstars to follow on Twitter, Ms Jada Stevens, is no longer on Twitter.
No more Jada Stevens on Twitter? What could that possibly mean? Could it be that Jada Stevens, the woman with the best ass in porn, is gearing up for retirement? Continue Reading
If you’re not following Jen Selter on Instagram (@JenSelter) then I’m sorry to say that you’re totally blowing it.
Why? Who is Jen Selter? Continue Reading
Sometimes with porn, it’s hard to suspend your disbelief. The one porn trope I usually have trouble believing is the dick-through-the-pizza delivery guy. I mean, why would anyone want to fuck him after he ruined a perfectly good pizza?
Today, I’m having trouble believing that Brianna Love has a booty-call problem.
The story with these pictures is that Brianna Love is horny but she can’t find anyone for a booty call. All she can do is masturbate and get caught by her best friend’s brother, Johnny Sins.
But honestly, when you have a booty like Brianna Love’s, who wouldn’t drop everything they’re doing and hit that? Continue Reading
Calico Rudasil is a feature columnist for Sssh.com, the web’s original erotic site for women by women. With over 16 years’ experience of writing about and for the adult entertainment industry under her belt, Calico qualifies as something of a Web Porn Dinosaur; similar to a tyrannosaurus, only with far more attractive arms and a less pronounced overbite.
Is nothing sacred anymore?
In a sad indication of just how low some women will sag (even before Father Time takes care of that for them), word is that the 2013 Miss Bumbum competition – the contest that officially designates the owner of Brazil’s best booty – has been marred by corruption, with two top contestants allegedly forking over thousands of dollars to judges in order to put in the fix for their own fannies. Continue Reading
Danny Brown has been one of our favorite rappers ever since we saw the video for Cyclops. And then XXX came out and blew us away. But what’s up with Danny these days? Well, he’s been working on his new album Old.
Yesterday we got a taste of what to expect from the new Danny Brown, produced by Trampy and it’s fucking amazing. Continue Reading
Have you always wanted a big, bountiful booty? A big, ole behind? Something that you could just cover in barbeque sauce and take a bite of and when the sauce is dripping from your face you let out a blood-curdling howl to say, “Look at that full moon butt!”
Of course you have because asses/butts/booties are great.
And it’s an exciting time to be an “Ass-Man” because there’s a cool, new booty enhancing cream debuting later this month for larger, firmer, shapelier asses that we can all enjoy!
Bootiful All-Natural Butt Enhancement Cream has all the benefits of a surgical butt-lift enhancement at a fraction of the cost and without any of the painful side-effects or complications.
18 year-old Aaron Morris was arrested last Thursday in North Lauderdale, Florida for groping a woman’s buttocks outside of a Walmart dressing-room.
Initially, Morris fled the store but was picked up by police at a gas station close by. He is facing a battery misdemeanor. In Florida, battery can be intentional, non-consensual touching of a person.
So what motivated this young man to reach out and touch her? His explanation was as simple as, “Her booty looked so good, I just couldn’t resist touching it.” A real teenage mistake.
Less than two weeks ago, there was that sex show in a Kansas Walmart. Is it possible that the promise of low, low prices releases so many endorphins that people are compelled to do lewd things in Walmarts.
Please contact me if you are interested in funding my study on the effects of low prices at Walmart and sexual self-control.