Yes, that’s right, more Magaluf ‘news.’ Ever since that girl got busted for sucking off 20 dudes in the notorious nightclub a couple of weeks ago, more and more stories have been surfacing about this place. The latest comes from a British woman, Cerise, a glamour model from Britain.
This is actually the fluffiest piece of non-news I’ve ever written about on this blog, but it’s Monday, so fuck it.
So this girl, Cerise, 19, after hearing about all of the sexploits going down in Magaluf and other Belfast nightclubs, decided to jet out there with her girlfriend and try to achieve 25 orgasms a day.
Wow, what a hard-hitting confession, Cerise. The UK is a weird place. I’ve noticed that every woman who has ever shown their tits or expressed sexual desire before has to describe themselves as a ‘glamour model.’ What’s a glamour model anyways?
Cerise failed miserably at achieving her goal of 25 orgasms on the first day, ONLY managing to bang two dudes. Cerise, you talk the talk, but I certainly do not see you walking the walk.
Though Magaluf and other clubs in the district haven’t taken a very strong stance one way or another on the rampant sex culture they harbour, I think that they should take a stand. And no, I’m not asking them to clean up. I think that they should totally run with this, embrace it, and become the world’s sex capital. Provide protection at the doors of all of your bars, loosen up the laws about having sex in public (not like people abide by them anyways) and just turn into a 24/7 orgy party city.
Thanks to the Star for this extremely insightful and important piece of news. Keep on doing that gritty journalism, guys. Actually, who am I to talk, I’m also writing about this?
Good Luck Cerise! Godspeed! We’ll be thinking of you!