Netanyahu. You dog.
Calico Rudasil is a feature columnist for Sssh.com, the web’s original erotic site for women by women. With over 16 years’ experience of writing about and for the adult entertainment industry under her belt, Calico qualifies as something of a Web Porn Dinosaur; similar to a tyrannosaurus, only with far more attractive arms and a less pronounced overbite.
Today, Calico comes to the Sex.com Blog to talk about how porn ruined a chance for diplomacy.
It’s a sad day on the web when a man can’t express interest in a little Persian porn without everybody jumping all over his case. I mean c’mon; “the Internet is for porn,” remember?
Over the weekend, an Israeli who goes by the handle “Bibi” briefly followed the Twitter account @PersianHotBook, a literary outlet that apparently bills itself as “the first library of hot sex books in the Persian language.”
Ordinarily, I assume this would hardly be news; Bibi can’t be the only web-savvy Israeli who’s a little al-curious, after all, and I’m sure there are lots of young Israelis who use social media to learn more about other cultures, including which sexual positions are favored by the Ayatollah. (My bet? “Suspended Congress.”)
Bibi is no ordinary Israeli, however; IRL, he goes by Benjamin Netanyahu, and he’s the Prime Minister of Israel. OK, now this story is getting interesting! That is, it should get interesting, but like so many compelling stories in politics, this one is being actively swept under the prayer rug.
You see, the buzzkills over at the Likud party now claim that it is they, in fact, who run Bibi’s Twitter profile, and they further assert that the choice to follow @PersianHotBook was the result of a “malfunction,” an excuse that just doesn’t sound kosher to me. Malfunctions are how nipples end up getting exposed during the Super Bowl halftime shows, not how heads of state end up reading erotic literature 140 characters at a time.
Unless the Likud has given the task of running Bibi’s profile to a new employee who recently moved to Tel Aviv from New York, and sometimes goes by the name Carlos Danger, I’m thinking Bibi followed @PersianHotBook because Bibi wanted to follow @PersianHotBook.
It’s easy enough to picture how this all happened. Kicking off his shoes for a little relaxation after an exhausting day of being wrong about really dumb things (like whether or not jeans are illegal to wear in Iran), Bibi decided to blow off some steam – and perhaps another form of hot liquid, as well – by taking in a bit of Middle Eastern erotica.
No sooner did Bibi begin to peruse the possibly-prurient Persian pleasures being tweeted in his direction than did the Prime Minister-shaming begin, and Team Bibi swung into action to spin, undo and un-follow their boss out of hot water.
The real shame here, though, is that this episode represents nothing if not a real diplomatic opportunity that died on the Vine. Instead of pretending that some kind of nefarious Twitter Gnome manifested on Bibi’s laptop and magically forced him to follow the musings of Persian pornographers, Netanyahu could have openly proclaimed his fetish for filthy fatwas and used this incident as a means to inspire us all to come together.
“Yes, I follow @PersianHotBook,” he could have said. “I follow it because nothing gets me hotter than burqa-ripping tales of Mesopotamian MILFs, voyeuristic viziers and cuckholded caliphs. I follow it because despite all our differences, despite all of the bellicose rhetoric about who should or shouldn’t be driven into the sea, or who does or doesn’t have nukes, it remains true that I dig Persian chicks. There, I said it! Are you happy now? Sorry Mom.”
Just think of the revolution in Israeli/Iranian relations that might have flowed from such a bold declaration. Hell, it might even have been reciprocated by Ayatollah Ali Khamenei taking to Instragram to post selfies posing with his Joanna Angel DVD collection. But nooooo, instead we get a flimsy tech-glitch excuse and a flurry of denials designed to insulate Bibi from the very thought that the man might like to occasionally smack his schmeckel to Persian porn.
Yes, thanks to the Puritanical prudes of Western journalism and the finger-wagging Twitter masses rushing to their keyboards to engage in group mockery, Netanyahu will never come clean about his transcultural lust, and the relationship between Israel and Iran will continue to be as strained as the top button on an obese Iranian cleric’s acid wash 501s.
For shanda, Internet…. for shanda.
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