When Tinder first came out, the app was billed as the world’s first hook-up app. And though there’s nothing more satisfying than swiping left and seeing “NOPE” appear over someone’s pictures in big red letters, Tinder is ultimately flawed because “hook-up” is a loosely definable term.
Personally, I would define a “hook-up” as penis in vagina (vagina on vagina for lesbians and penis in ass for gay men). Though some people say, “We didn’t have sex, we just hooked-up.” Now what the fuck is that supposed to mean? You made out? You went down on each other? You exchanged phone numbers? What the fuck is hooking-up exactly?
Tinder promised us unlimited access to casual sex partners but has only given us a handful of one-night stands. Surprisingly, liking each other’s pictures doesn’t necessarily mean you’re looking for the same thing. Your latest match might be looking for a relationship rather than 45 minutes of underwhelming sex. It’s totally fucked up.
It was a bachelor party in Arizona, where a group of friend were expressing the same malaise toward Tinder that bore a brand new hook-up app that doesn’t leave you wondering whether or not the cutie you’re checking out is DTF or looking for something serious. Mixxxer is the new Tinder that’s strictly for sex. Continue Reading
Officially, Snapchat is a photo messaging application that allows users to take photos, record videos and add text or doodle all over them before they’re gone forever in ten seconds or less. That’s how Snapchat would like to be known as.
In reality, Snapchat is an app that facilitates safe-sexts. The only real use for Snapchat is to take pictures of your dick, or perhaps boobs if you’re a lady, and send them to people you know when you’re feeling real horny. The reason Snapchat is the most effective way to share your dick pics is because once opened, your dick pic will disappear forever within the time you selected for it to last. Therefore, the likelihood of you being blackmailed a la Anthony Weiner is lower than with email or text messages.
I say “lower” rather than “eliminate” because it is still possible for the receiver of the dick pic to screenshot your dick pic before it disappears. At least Snapchat notifies the sender of the dick pic so they can at least anticipate a blackmail in the upcoming future.
However, Snapchat’s status as the most effective way to send safe-sexts is now being challenged by popular hook-up app Tinder. Their ephemeral photo sharer is known as “Moments” and it could really change the way you send dick pics.
According to Tinder CEO Sean Rad (nice name you fucking loser), Tinder Moments should make it easier for people to star conversations on the app. Because when you can’t muster the courage to type “Yo”, at least now you can just take your pants off and snap a pick of your flaccid penis.
Now I know what you’re thinking…”Why should I take a picture of my flaccid penis?”
Easy. You start by showing your flaccid penis to open the conversation. Then, if the person you’re sexting on Tinder hasn’t already blocked you, they’ll write something like, “Yo, is that your dick?”
Then you come back with, “Yeah it is. And if you like the look of my flaccid penis, then wait until you see my erect penis!”
Whether or not you proceed with sharing a picture of your erect penis or try to entice them to see it in person is totally up to you. The point is not to give it all away. Just like a job interview. The person who gets hired is not the person who begs for the job, or the most docile candidate. The people that get worked the hardest to snag are the candidates who knew their own value. Simple as that.
Tinder’s Moments feature not only allows users to take a photo but also add a filter, doodle all over it, write a message and broadcast it to all their Tinder matches. Meanwhile, your Tinder matches will be able to view and like the photos for 24 hours before they disappear.
What’s interesting about Tinder’s sexting feature is that the person who took the photo can keep their own gallery of “moments” forever. So rather than taking a new picture of your flaccid penis every time you get a new Tinder match, you’ll be able to amass a collection of your most flattering flaccid penis pictures and send the ones you feel are the most appropriate for your latest match.
While I do think it’s cool that Tinder has added a new sexting feature, I wonder whether or not Sean “Nice Name You Fucking Loser” Rad is right about sending pictures being easier than writing a message.
If you said yes, then you already know that 99% of the time Tinder is an abyss of disappointment.
Tinder was supposed to make casual sex easy by matching you with hot, local singles for no strings attached fun, but everyone’s so damn self-conscious about being on Tinder that you never get to hook up with the hot, local singles you’re matched with. Which is fine if you’re only using Tinder to reassure yourself that someone within 100 miles of your current location would fuck you, but for those of us actually trying to have casual sex, it’s time to try a new app.
Thank God there is now an alternative to Tinder called Peppr. I guarantee that this app will get you laid because instead of matching you with hot, local singles, Peppr matches you with hot, local escorts.
Some of you might subscribe to the George Costanza sex and parking analogy that states, “Why should I pay for it when, if I apply myself, I could get it for free?” So why should you pay for sex?
No one says you should. But if you’ve got certain tastes, like kinks, pubic hair preferences, skin color preferences, you’re better off paying for it than not since Peppr allows you to set refining filters that will help you find exactly what you’re looking for.
Using the app is free if you’re a sex worker, but the app collects $7 to $14 for booking fees from clients, which is shared with the sex workers.
From what I can tell, Peppr is only available in Germany at the moment since prostitution has been legal there since 2002.
So far, the Peppr app’s founder Pia Poppenreiter has said that she’s received positive feedback from the sex workers using the app since it’s safer than the streets (though all anonymous hook ups have their risks but we don’t need to think about that now).
Hinge: the dating app that combines the best of Tinder and OKCupid
Porn is great but sometimes it’s not an adequate substitute for real sex or a relationship…though hopefully it will someday…
While we wait for that glorious day where watching porn has completely replaced real sex and relationships, I’d like to tell you about a new free dating app that will help you meet local singles. The dating app is called Hingeand its combined the best of Tinder and OkCupid to help you meet and date babes in your area! Continue Reading
The suit was resolved in October. The court dismissed the action with prejudice (meaning Zynga would not be able to refile a complaint) and both parties were forced to bear their own attorney fees and costs. Despite the dismissal, Bang With Friendshas just announced that they are changing their name to DOWN. Continue Reading
Internet dating is so much easier than regular dating.
Why would you risk the pain and humiliation of asking someone out in person when you can just make a profile and browse the profiles of other singles?
Yeah, internet dating is pretty great.
The only problem with internet dating is that people like to fudge facts about themselves to make themselves more attractive to potential suitors. The only way I ever get dates online is because I tell people that I’m the third White brother in Tonstartssbandht.
Everyone lies on the internet, that’s just how it works.
Now, if only there was a way to eliminate the lying aspect of internet dating so that you had an honest idea of the people you were checking out…
Well there is! It’s a brand new dating app called At First Sight and it’s going to make meeting real people through the internet a lot easier.
How does it work? Well, I’ll let the new dating app’s celebrity spokesman Chris Harrison breakdown. Because really…who knows more about dating and dating apps than the host of Burning LoveThe Bachelor and The Bachelorette: Continue Reading
A few weeks ago, I received an email telling me about the coolest new dating app, AppNightStand. Well, not exactly a dating app. More like an alarm clock. But an alarm clock that lets you meet singles. A virtual one night stand, if you will.
Naturally, I was curious. How can you meet singles in your sleep and have a one-night’s stand over on your smartphone? So I downloaded AppNightStand to see what it was all about. And it wasn’t pretty… Continue Reading
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