A burger joint in Copenhagen, Denmark is causing some controversy…and not just because a burger with only ketchup costs 15,000 Danish krone ($2567.91. The joke here is that Denmark is ridiculously expensive. Just ask a Danish person!)
Scientists may have stumbled upon the long-awaited viagra for women: apples.
Despite possessing a love of food that has done irreparable damage to my digestive system and a love of sex that will surely lead to early onset arthritis in my hips, I must admit that I’ve never been a huge fan of food play.
You’d think that if a person loves food almost as much as he loves sex, combining the two passions would be a match made in heaven. However, sexy food play has always resulted in disappointment for me. Years ago, I was sexually involved with a lady that couldn’t get off without having food smeared all over her slender, nude body. So if we were going to have sex, we’d have to wait an hour or so to melt enough chocolate to smear all over her body. And while that may sound hot in theory, the reality of it was tedious, messy, and a colossal waste of chocolate.
What do we think of when we think of French women?
We think of full lips painted with bright red lipstick.
We think big round, black sunglasses that compliment their face but still leave enough mystery to know that we’re attracted to them but we’re curious to see more.
We think of unkempt armpit hair, that would normally be shocking and kind of gross, but somehow they pull it off.
Mostly what we think of when we think of French women is that they have historically been the world’s best lovers, just oozing with sex appeal solely because they speak that sweet, sweet language.
Unfortunately for us, and all French men, a new survey has concluded that French women just aren’t that interested in sex anymore.
When asked to rate sex and food as catalysts for well-being, French women and men both gave food a 7.1 on a scale from 0 to 10. Makes sense because your diet can affect your mood, energy levels and overall well-being. And if you don’t eat any food, you’ll die of starvation. So 7.1 is a fair rating.
However, when rating sex, French men gave it a 7.5 whereas French women only gave sex a 6.7.
Chocolate, cheese and foie gras topped the league table of happiness, the poll found. Women proved more likely to cite chocolate or strawberries and men more often plumped for meatier options like foie gras and steak.
On top of that, the Harris Interactive poll found that when given the option of cutting back on either food or sex, French women were more willing to cut back on sex than food. Of course, French men didn’t hesitate for a second on cutting back on food.
And it gets worse. 72% of French women said that it’s worse to have a sexual partner that’s bad in bed than a partner that’s a bad cook.
So not only are French women not all that interested in sex anymore, they especially don’t like it when men are bad at sex. What are we supposed to go? I guess keep the house stocked with chocolate? According to the poll, it’s the only thing that they want.
So it’s May, which means that Elegant Angel has a new Girl of the Month!
Elegant Angel’s Girl of the Month selections have been impeccable so far. They’ve had Summer Brielle, Dani Daniels, Casey Calvert and other hotties, but this month’s Girl of the Month is special because she really hits close to home.
By the way, this month’s Girl of the Month is none other than big bootied babe AJ Applegate.
You need to be a member of ElegantAngel.com to watch AJ Applegate’s new exclusive Girl of the Month scene, but thankfully by reading this blog, you can become a member for just $5!
This is a special price for readers of the Sex.com Blog, so take advantage of it while you can!
For anyone wondering why AJ Applegate being named Elegant Angel’s Girl of the Month hits close to home, I’d love to tell you it’s because AJ’s a former lover of mine, but sadly I have yet to have the pleasure of hitting that fat ass.
No, the reason AJ Applegate being named Elegant Angel’s Girl of the Month hits close to home is because of Nestle Drumsticks.
I love food. I eat it almost every day. But there’s no food more delicious than a Nestle Caramel Drumstick. I can’t quite explain my obsession with Nestle Drumsticks. All I know is that there’s nothing that tastes better than vanilla ice cream with a caramel centre, dipped in chocolate and peanuts, served in a waffle cone. And ever since they increased the chocolate nugget at the bottom of the waffle cone by 30%, I have absolutely no self-control. I have to eat at least one Nestle Drumstick every three days.
That said, given my fixation on Drumsticks and the fact that I write for a porn site, there’s a running joke in my group of friends that I have a bizarre Nestle Drumstick-fetish. That the Nestle Drumstick isn’t just a delicious snack that I buy as a present to myself on an almost daily basis, but a cheap edible sex toy and the only thing that could ever get me off. Which isn’t that far off from the truth.
You can only imagine my surprise when watching the trailer for AJ Applegate’s exclusive Girl of the Month scene (watch the full thing on ElegantAngel.com) to see AJ using a Nestle Drumstick as a sex toy, smearing herself with delicious chocolate, vanilla ice cream, caramel centre, and waffle cone from tit to clit.
I couldn’t believe it. A joke that’s been going strong for nearly two years now realized in an actual porn scene. How did they know?
Whoever had the idea of AJ Applegate starting her scene with a Nestle Drumstick tease has won the undying respect of this blog.
While watching AJ Applegate smear Drumstick all over herself, I was extremely aroused because now that I’ve seen a Drumstick used in the a sexual context, I’ve realized that I truly do have a Nestle Drumstick fetish. However, I was also frustrated to watch someone wantonly waste a Nestle Drumstick.
Anyways, you should watch the trailer below because I’d really like to make sure that I’m not the only person in the world with a Nestle Drumstick fetish.
If there’s one thing I know about teens, it’s that they’re totally down to fuck anything. I know this not only from Sex.com’s Teen category but from my own experiences as a teenager sticking my dick into literally anything with a hole.
A teen known on the internet as @VERSACEPOPTARTS first became internet-famous for tweeting a picture of himself putting his dick through a box of Brown Sugar Pop-Tarts.
He followed up that effort by sharing a Vine video of himself having sex with a Hot Pocket. The footage of got him banned from Vine and Twitter. He was also blocked by the official Hot Pockets Twitter.
Though he’s gone from Vine and Twitter, @VERSACEPOPTARTS has no regrets:
But the real question is…what was it like to fuck a Hot Pocket?
“Yeah, I would definitely recommend it, if you’re lonely. I wouldn’t recommend putting it on Vine, but I’d recommend fuckin’ a Hot Pocket probably. It wasn’t bad. It’s messy, though,” he told First We Feast. “I tried doing it without a condom and it was just, like, way too hot. I put it in the fridge for a little bit and I was like, ‘Dude, I’m gonna have to use a condom if I’m gonna actually stick my dick in the whole Hot Pocket.'”
At least he used protection.
So there you go! If you’re feeling lonely this weekend, you can always fuck a Hot Pocket.
If you’re not sold on the idea of fucking a Hot Pocket, just remember that fucking a Hot Pocket is probably a lot safer and more fun than eating a Hot Pocket.
I apologize to anyone who thought that maybe this post would contain a Leanna Decker hardcore scene.
Believe me, I want to see this busty redhead do hardcore as much as you do. However, I don’t think that’s ever going to happen. We’ll keep our fingers crossed but I’m not optimistic.
While we wait and see if Leanna Decker ever does hardcore, we can pass the time by watching Leanna eat some meat.
Only people with food fetishes will find this video of Leanna Decker eating meat as arousing as a Leanna Decker porn video, but it’s like I always say, “Leanna eating meat is better than no Leanna at all.” I say that all the time, I swear. Ask anyone.
OK, time to watch the video!
You’ve probably seen Jesse Jane “orgasm” hundreds of times already in her porn movies but I have bad news for you…in approximately 100% of her porn movies, she’s faking it.
It’s easy to forget that pornstars are actually acting in their movies because once you see boobs nothing else matters.
I’m sorry that I had to fuck with your perceptions of orgasms in porn movies. Would showing you what really gets Jesse Jane off make it up to you?
I certainly hope so because Matt Blum was able to capture what gets Jesse Jane off. Why not watch it?
Ah the old switcheroo.
Jesse Jane, we’re the perverts? You’re the one with a full-blown mustard fetish.
As a man who gets food poisoning regularly, I can’t imagine anyone being able to have sex whilst poisoned.
But then again I shouldn’t be surprised to hear that people have sex when food poisoned because people love sex and they’ll have sex no matter how deathly ill they feel.
If you’re one of these people that will continue to have sex when suffering from food poisoning, I admire your perseverance but you should know that there is a form of food poisoning that is sexually transmitted. Continue Reading
I’ll admit it, I’m not a big fan of licking maple syrup off a naked woman’s skin. Yes, it’s sexy and it tastes good but maple syrup is just too dang sticky.
No matter how many licks you take, your tongue will never get all the syrup which leads to future gross-outs once your food-foreplay has concluded.
Why don’t I just cover you in glue before laying you down on my Egyptian cotton sheets so that they’re totally ruined and I’m sheet-less for the rest of my life?
So yeah, I don’t believe that naked women and maple syrup should mix. Of course, the exception to the “No nude women & maple syrup” rule is adorable, Latina pornstar and Sex.com Blog favorite Chloe Amour.
Just watch as Chloe Amour strips off her dress in the shower and pours maple syrup all over her sexy, carmel-colored skin. It has me rethinking my rules:
Pour maple syrup all over naked women in the shower! Of course! No more ruined sheets!
Thank you Chloe Amour for turning me on to maple syrup again…and for turning me on in general…