I (Your friendly neighborhood lesbian, Red Velvet) got a message asking for dating advice on my Tumblr yesterday and I figured this is something others struggle with too, so I might as well answer it publicly here.
The question goes as follows:
“I’ve been friends with this girl for almost two years and when she’s drunk she’s all over me but when she’s sober, we always talk about how sad she is about her exbf. I don’t want to take advantage of her when she’s drunk but it’s hard because I like her and I really want to have sex with her. Do you have any advice on leaving the friendzone?”
I really dislike this whole idea about the “friendzone”. It’s not only guys who talk about it, girls do too. The problem I have with it is a lot of people think that just being there emotionally for a person is enough to make them fall in love with you but it isn’t. A good relationship has emotional support, but they aren’t only about that.
Most of the time I’d much rather be with the person who has the power to upset me than the person I complain about them to. The reason why is not because “girls like douchebags” but because when you like someone, your feelings give them the power to upset you even about little things. If you didn’t like them, you would just be like “that dude is a douchebag, fuck him”.
Having said that, I’m going to move onto what you really need to be doing to show her you like her.
It’s time to change things up a bit. Show her that you’re more than just a therapist. If her ex boyfriend is all you two ever talk about, then no wonder you haven’t left this so called “friendzone”. Show her things you like hoping she’ll like them too. Figure out what you guys have in common and bond over that. Tease her subtly and see how she responds to that.
To be honest, if she’s hanging off of you while drunk, there is obviously something there she’s not acknowledging because she’s either not ready or she doesn’t think you reciprocate.
And if it turns out she still only wants to be friends with you, then to be honest there are millions of girls in the world who are going to be extremely hot, like the same things that you do, want to do them with you and will give you a fuzzier feeling than she will. Don’t you worry.
If you have a question for a lesbian, you can ask me on my tumblr or in the comments section below.