May is usually associated with warm weather, blooming trees, flowers and getting day-drunk every day in the park while skipping as much work as possible. Did you also know that May is the unofficial month celebrating masturbation? IT’S TRUE.
I know that, considering the fact that you are currently reading articles on a pornography site’s blog, you likely celebrate masturbation every single minute of every day of every month, but for all the prudes/squares out there, now’s your chance to whip it out on the regular and masturbate freely.
I say unofficial because Masturbation Month is not (yet) recognized by the UN.
Good Vibrations, an online sex toy provider, started up Masturbation Month in 1995 to pay respects to former Surgeon General Dr. Joycelyn Elders, who was given the boot by conservatives for suggesting that masturbation should be taught to school children as a safe and natural sexual practice.
Masturbation Month is used to promote Elders’ message of masturbation education, while also acting as a ‘fuck you’ to the stuffy old bigwigs who like to plug their ears, chant “la la la la,” and pretend like the concept of sex doesn’t enter anyone’s minds until they step into their wedding suite. Fuck those bigwigs!
Beyond acting as a form of peaceful protest, masturbation has several benefits that you should know about so you don’t get immediately stricken with crippling Catholic guild as soon as you rub one out:
1) It feels good. Masturbation feels great, and you don’t even need to seduce anyone to do it. For someone like me, who is so good looking that people are too intimidated to have sex with me, this is an important point.
2) It makes your sex life better. Masturbation can help you increase your sexual stamina, and it can also help you determine what feels good, important information that you can pass on to your partner when they humor you with yet another handjob.
3) It has health benefits. You can lose weight through masturbation. Masturbation also provides a bevy of other possible medical boons, and can help you, for example, notice if you got a cancerous lump on your gonads.
Masturbation, in a word, is awesome. Why you tryna hate on masturbation? Just celebrate it like the rest of the world, you dingus, and don’t feel guilty about it.
In celebration of Masturbation Month, please peruse all of these photos of women masturbating. To enhance your viewing pleasure, imagine that all of these photographs were taken in the month of May, masturbation month, and join in on their fun.