So in recent news, a Minnesota man working at a hardware store was caught jerking off into his coworker’s coffee in order to get her attention. He later admitted that he had done so twice before since February and had jerked off on her desk a couple of other times too because he was attracted to her. Police later inspected the desk and found the man’s semen all over the place. I could just imagine the semen stains that came up under black light and it’s not a pretty picture. I wonder if he found Chico’s 29 Excuses for Why You Won’t Cum Tonight useful on the days he did it.
I’m not quite sure how she didn’t quite notice the taste of semen in her coffee beforehand. She says she suspected the cream was spoiled but… have you ever tasted salty spoiled cream? Why didn’t she think that was weird?
The man is now facing a 4500$ fine and a possibility of a year in jail. You guys ask me for advice all the time, so I’m just going to impart a little bit more of my wisdom on this topic today, while simultaneously hoping you guys wouldn’t need it:
Do not jerk off into your coworkers’ coffee.
Do not jerk off into any of your coworkers’ food.
Do not jerk off onto your coworker (or anyone) unless you have permission to do so in any way.
Get permission first, then go right ahead and jerk off on whatever you both like.
And if you’re having trouble getting someone’s attention at work…literally just ask them to have lunch with you on their break or buy them a semen-less coffee. Not hard. (Pun intended)