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  • 25 Places To Masturbate Ranked From Worst To Best

    Masturbation! We all do it and there’s no reason to be ashamed of it. To make sure that you’re making the most of your masturbation, we decided to rank all 25 places to masturbate from best to worst. So let’s get straight to it!

    25. The beach

    SAND IS GOING TO GET EVERYWHERE. AND I MEAN EVERYWHERE!

    Continue Reading

    October 7, 2014 • Funny, Porn Lists • Views: 19124

  • This Awesome Porn Video Will Save Your Sex Life

    Boyfriends! Girlfriends! Husbands! Wives! Mothers and daughters? Everyone! Gather round!

    If you’re trapped in a sexless relationship, then you need to watch this porn video we just found! It will literally save your sex life!

    Some of you might be skeptical that a porn video could possibly save your sex life, but I’m here to tell you that it’s perfectly normal for all kinds of couples to turn to porn videos in order to save their sex lives.

    For one, watching porn together is a shared experience. Any time a couple shares an experience with one another, it can only be good for the relationship because you’re both investing in time together. Why not invest in time together by ramping up the eroticism by watching porn videos?  Continue Reading

    September 24, 2014 • Pictures & Vids, Porn, Sex, Sex & Dating Tips • Views: 15813

  • 29 Perfectly Good Excuses For Why You’re Not Going To Cum Tonight

    Cumming! It’s something that we all thoroughly enjoy, but even those we love to cum, sometimes we can’t do it. We try and try but for some reason, we can’t seem to cross the finish line.

    Of course, not being able to cum is not a big deal when you’re alone. You just put the Kleenex is a safe place, minimize the window on your computer screen with the free porn videos you were trying to fap to and say, “I’ll see you two in the morning.”

    But when you’re with a partner, not being able to cum is embarrassing for both parties. They’ll feel either unattractive or sexually inadequate, while you feel awkward because you’ve just learned from trying to fake an orgasm that you’re a terrible actor.

    Even though not being able to cum is embarrassing for everyone, you’re in luck. The only thing you need to do to save your partner and yourself from the humiliation of not being able to cum is good communication. Specifically, you need to be able to communicate a great excuse for why you will not be cumming.

    To help get you started, all of Sex.com’s resident sexperts came together to create this list of 25 perfectly good excuses for why you’re not going to cum tonight. Ready? OK!  Continue Reading

    September 4, 2014 • Funny, Sex, Sex & Dating Tips, Stuff • Views: 10385

  • 7 Steps To Having Sex Like A Pornstar

    It feels like every three months, Cosmo or some equally shitty publication puts out a list of ways to “Have Sex Like A Pornstar”. Why not? Slapping that on a front page would get me to buy it.

    That said, I’ve always been disappointed by the tips these hacks provide for having sex like a pornstar. It’s almost as though they’ve never seen porn before. Do I even dare accuse them of just making shit up so they can sell magazines?

    Well, I’ve had enough. I’ve taken matters into my own hands and I’m here to tell you how to really have sex like a pornstar in 7 easy steps. So pay attention!

    7 Steps To Having Sex Like A Pornstar

    Continue Reading

    August 15, 2014 • Funny, Sex, Sex & Dating Tips, Sexual Health, Stuff • Views: 31574

  • This Woman Had A Sex Toy Stuck Inside Of Her For 10 Years!

    (In the interest of not being accused of click-baiting you, I’ll let you know right now that the woman who had a sex toy stuck inside of her is not the woman pictured above. It’s just a hot picture courtesy of MasturbationFun on Sex.com.)

    A 38-year old Scottish woman walked in to a hospital last week only to discover that a sex toy had been lodged in her vagina for the last decade.

    Yes. You read that correctly. I’ll repeat it just in case you don’t believe me.

    A 38-year old Scottish woman walked in to a hospital last week only to discover that a sex toy had been lodged in her vagina for the last decade. 10 years! She’s had a sex toy stuck in her vagina for the last 10 years!

    STV News reports that the woman sought medical attention after contracting sepsis. Sepsis is a potentially fatal condition in which the body fends off infection by releasing chemicals into the bloodstream. While the chemicals the body releases fight the infection, they also trigger inflammation that can cause organ damage and potentially organ failure.

    The woman had also been suffering from fatigue, shaking, dramatic weight loss and incontinence. When doctors at the Aberdeen Royal Infirmary were diagnosing the woman, they just so happened to find a five-inch object (sex toy) protruding into the woman’s bladder from her vagina. When asked, “What the fuck?” by the doctors, the woman recalled that she had once used a sex toy during a sexual encounter and never removed it…10 years ago.

    Fortunately, the doctors were able to remove the decade-old sex toy surgically and repair the internal damage it did.

    So let this be a reminder to anyone that’s lost sex toys recently to check your vagina. It could be lodged against your bladder and it could be up there for 10 years without you knowing. It is remarkable to me that only when she was near-death did she remember what happened to that old sex toy.

    Be safe out there guys! Keep track of your sex toys! Don’t let your body hog them!

    [h/t: STV News]

    July 31, 2014 • Sex, Sex News • Views: 12034

  • This Map Highlights all of the Dirty-Named Places in the World

    Feeling depressed because it’s Monday morning and life sucks and you’re at work for another long-ass week?  Well turn that frown upside down, dummy!

    If you’ve watched every episode of the Simpsons (BEFORE SEASON 12, OBVIOUSLY) like I have, then perhaps you will remember this little exchange between Superintendent Chalmers, Principal Skinner, and El Barto himself:

    Bart Simpson: Hey, Chalmers, where are you from?

    Superintendent Chalmers: Well, I was born in Queens, went to Ball state, then made the move to Intercourse, Pennsylvania. Uh, why do you ask?

    Continue Reading

    July 14, 2014 • Funny, Infographics/Stories, Stuff • Views: 10671

  • Can You Suck Your Own Dick? – Chico’s Sex Advice

    Welcome back to another edition of Chico’s Sex Advice where I use all my expertise as a sexpert to answer any questions my beloved readers may have about sex.

    If you need sex advice or if you have a question about sex that needs answering, feel free to send an email to cdusty@sex.com OR use the contact form and I’ll answer as quickly as possible.

    Today’s question comes from Jabar:

    “Hey Chico, was just wondering if it was possible for man to suck his own dick?”

    Oh so you want to suck your own dick eh?

    Every man, sooner or later, will always have a moment in his life where he attempts to achieve enlightenment aka suck his own dick.

    Being able to suck one’s own dick, while always a hit at parties, is not easy. It requires a lot of flexibility. Because even if you can bend your body in a way so that your mouth can reach the crotch, keep in mind that you’ll have to stay like that for a while, sucking your own dick until you cum or you’ve simply had enough.

    So my first piece of advice is to stretch. Stretch all the fucking time. Your legs, your back, your hips and ESPECIALLY YOUR NECK. Stretch everything. Because if you don’t have the flexibility, forget about sucking your own dick. Spend at least a week stretching and getting limber before attempting to suck your own dick, otherwise you’ve got yourself a one-way ticket to Disappointmentsville, population you and your unsucked dick.

    Besides flexible, you need to be thin to suck your own dick. If your belly is so big that you can’t even see your junk while naked, then I have bad news for you. You’ll never be able to suck your own dick.

    Now, if you feel flexible and thin enough to try to suck your own dick, these are the ways I recommend you try it:

    STEP 1. GET HARD

    Unless you’re a professional contortionist, there’s no way in hell that you’re going to suck your own dick without an extremely rigid erection. I recommend that you use a cock ring for maximum erection rigidity and so that you can stay hard while you struggle to get your lips to your own dick.

    STEP 2. PICK A POSITION

    Pick a position. Any position. Well, preferably one that you’ll be most comfortable sucking your own dick in.

    Popular auto-fellatio positions include:

    – Lying on your back and lifting your heels over your head, bringing your dick within sucking proximity. Lying on hard surfaces often increase the success rate because soft surfaces have too much give.

    – While seated, bend at the waist and bring your mouth down to your erection. Congratulations! You’re sucking your own dick!

    These might be somewhat strenuous positions to put yourself in, so if you have a really sex positive girlfriend (or perhaps one that refuses to give blowjobs anymore) ask for her help! She can help stabilize your body, guiding either your hips up to your face or your head down to the dick. Whatever works I guess!

    If you are able to suck your own dick through my advice, please don’t be shocked when you cum in your own mouth. Just remember all those times you came in a woman’s mouth. Fair is fair. Also, while attempting to suck your own dick, keep a phone nearby in case you injure yourself and need to go to hospital. You can always tell them that you were doing nude yoga and not trying to suck your own dick.

    If none of these techniques are not helping you suck your own dick, then I’m sorry but nature has decided that we were not meant to suck your own dick. Luckily, there’s an alternative. You can always go out for a fancy dinner or spend some dough on a thoughtful present and chances are someone will suck your dick for you. Enjoy that dick sucking while you can, because unfortunately, you are not blessed to do that to yourself all the damn time.

    Probably for the best. If all men could suck their own dicks, civilization as we know it would end. And of course the civilization as we know is the male-dominated we live in. I’m sure women would step in while we’re all busy sucking our own dicks, run the show, and everything would be fine. Possibly better.

    I love answering your sex questions! If you have a sex question for me:

    Send an email to cdusty@sex.com

    OR

    Use the contact submission form.

    June 26, 2014 • Sex, Sex & Dating Tips • Views: 21719

  • Top 17 Worst Texts From Straight White Boys

    In this time of texting-based courtship, some men have gotten it into their heads that it’s totally OK to text women all their depraved thoughts as a means of attracting them.

    Why?

    I’m not sure.

    Because some of the things these men are texting to women were said in real life, they’d be meet with a quick slap or thrown drink to the face. But since there’s no risk of being slapped or having a drink thrown at them, then what’s the harm of texting them something inappropriate, right?

    Continue Reading

    June 25, 2014 • Funny, Stuff • Views: 10439

  • 6 Penis Enlargement Products that Definitely Work

    A little while ago, we ran an article detailing an Indian man’s failed attempt to order a vast quantity of penis enlargement products.

    Here’s a pro-tip from your trusted Sex.com writers: don’t buy penis enlargement products online.  You’re almost certainly gonna get scammed.  Either the product is going to be bullshit and not really work properly or you won’t receive what you ordered at all.

    But luckily for you, there’s a bunch of other methods of penis enlargement that are available without springing for stupid expensive natural supplements.

    Here’s our list:  Continue Reading

    June 20, 2014 • Funny, Sex, Sex & Dating Tips, Sexual Health, Stuff • Views: 11508

  • Pornstars Read Porn Site Searches Live

    Hey guys, remember when PORNMD launched their LIVE SEARCH STREAM? That infinite scroll of searches typed into PORNMD that reveals that everyone in the world is a very strange and sexually perverted weirdo? Well, that’s a little harsh. At least we’re all perverts and it’s not just a handful of people.

    It’s actually some of the wildest pairings of words ever. In fact, some of them are so outrageous and funny…I wonder whether or not it’s real? I mean, wouldn’t you be suspicious or unwilling to use a site that publishes your porn searches into a massive scrolling piece of text for the entire internet to laugh at? I would be. So to be perfectly honest with you, I don’t think the porn searches we see in PornMD’s live search stream is real. It’s probably just a script that pairs words from a giant database for the purposes of publicity and entertainment.

    So yeah, it’s probably fake but it’s still fun.

    Speaking of fun!

    PORNHUB TV thought it would be fun to get a few of the biggest names in the adult industry (like Madison Ivy, Nicole Aniston, Dillion Harper, Kieran Lee, Monique Alexander and a bunch of other people you may never heard of). See what potential fake porn searches make your favorite pornstars and members of the adult industry laugh!

    Hilarious!

    Too bad I’m convinced it’s as fake as Madison Ivy’s boobs (ie EXTREMELY FAKE).

    via PEEPERZ

    June 13, 2014 • Porn, Porn News & Highlights, Pornstars • Views: 15367