• This Is What Would Happen If Tim Burton Directed Porn Movies

    Love him or hate him, there’s no denying that Tim Burton is one of the most iconic directors of American cinema.

    I’m sure most of you are rolling your eyes at that statement, but it’s true. It doesn’t matter that his movies decline in watchability with every release, what matters is that he’s consistent with creating worlds that are visual feasts for your eyes.

    But have you ever wondered what it would be like if Tim Burton directed porn movies instead of cartoonish nightmare movies?  Continue Reading

    December 17, 2014 • Funny, Porn, Porn News & Highlights, Stuff • Views: 2782

  • The 10 Strangest Sex Toys of the Year

    Sex toys have one purpose and one purpose only: make getting off even more fun.

    However, sexual satisfaction varies from person to person because we’re all beautiful, unique snowflakes. So sometimes…a sex toy designer will come up with a new sex toy that they’re convinced will help the sex positive adults of the world have a better time cumming, but when it’s unleashed on the world, the reception isn’t as warm as they hoped because it turns out the sex toy they’ve made is actually totally fucking weird.

    So far, 2014 has been an excellent year for weird sex toys. And since Black Friday is coming up and the Christmas season is upon us, we thought it would be a good idea to show you the 10 Strangest Sex Toys of the Year, so you know not to stuff your significant other’s stocking with these weird sex toys.  Continue Reading

    November 21, 2014 • Funny, Sex, Stuff, Toys • Views: 13269

  • Sex Pranks, Ranked

    I don’t know how others feel about this, but I’m a firm believer that sex should be fun. Of course, sex is inherently fun it’s the only acceptable time for two (or more) people to rub their genitals together.

    But you know what makes sex even more fun? WHEN YOU’RE FUNNY DURING SEX.

    That’s why I perform anywhere from 15 minutes to an hour of stand-up comedy when I’m having sex (the amount of stand-up comedy I do depends on how long I last and how many rounds we go). The only problem is that stand-up comedy is extremely hard and an average Joe like yourself cannot hope to ever get up on stage and underwhelm a room full of strangers with your prepared remarks. So instead, we’ll be focusing on sex pranks. You know, mischievous acts or practical jokes done during sex. Sure, it’s low-brow but who cares! They can be funny.

    In an effort to make having sex more fun by making it funny, here is our definitive ranking of SEX PRANKS from worst to best.  Continue Reading

    November 4, 2014 • Pictures & Vids, Porn, Porn Lists, Sex, Sex & Dating Tips • Views: 15597

  • Redditors Confuse Dude’s Butt For Boobs, Jerk Off To It

    How many times have you been browsing for free porn and come across a super hot babe with big fake tits that get you rock hard, only to scroll down a little bit further to see that this sexy lady is actually a tranny?

    It happens to me all the time. I don’t know why it keeps surprising me because I’m specifically browsing for free tranny porn, but that’s besides the point.

    On Monday, redditor poshpink330 posted what LOOKED like a sexy cleavage pic in a skimpy bikini top to r/GoneWild, a popular community where hot amateurs post sexy photos of themselves. “(NSFW) first time poster… Wanna see more? ;-)” she wroteContinue Reading

    October 22, 2014 • Funny, Stuff • Views: 4123

  • Would You Ever Try To Hook Up With A Sexy Hobo?

    When I’m walking around the city, my head is on swivel because there are always babes roaming around town and it brightens my day to bask in the beauty of certain women with a quick glance as we pass each other on the street.

    I always try to be respectful and minimize my creepiness by only looking once, but sometimes I can’t help myself from double-taking when I spot a big rack or a particularly pretty face.

    The other day, I found myself in the downtown core amongst waves and waves of babes. My head was spinning from left to right so much from scanning all the hotties that I had to take a moment to pause and let the dizziness subside. That’s when I saw her. The most objectively beautiful woman I’d ever seen. She had a face like Irina Shayk, tits like Emma Glover and an ass that could rival Kelsi’ Monroe juicy booty.

    There was just one caveat…

    She was homeless!  Continue Reading

    October 20, 2014 • Pictures & Vids, Polls, Porn, Stuff • Views: 8568

  • 25 Places To Masturbate Ranked From Worst To Best

    Masturbation! We all do it and there’s no reason to be ashamed of it. To make sure that you’re making the most of your masturbation, we decided to rank all 25 places to masturbate from best to worst. So let’s get straight to it!

    25. The beach


    Continue Reading

    October 7, 2014 • Funny, Porn Lists • Views: 26604

  • This Awesome Porn Video Will Save Your Sex Life

    Boyfriends! Girlfriends! Husbands! Wives! Mothers and daughters? Everyone! Gather round!

    If you’re trapped in a sexless relationship, then you need to watch this porn video we just found! It will literally save your sex life!

    Some of you might be skeptical that a porn video could possibly save your sex life, but I’m here to tell you that it’s perfectly normal for all kinds of couples to turn to porn videos in order to save their sex lives.

    For one, watching porn together is a shared experience. Any time a couple shares an experience with one another, it can only be good for the relationship because you’re both investing in time together. Why not invest in time together by ramping up the eroticism by watching porn videos?  Continue Reading

    September 24, 2014 • Pictures & Vids, Porn, Sex, Sex & Dating Tips • Views: 17845

  • 29 Perfectly Good Excuses For Why You’re Not Going To Cum Tonight

    Cumming! It’s something that we all thoroughly enjoy, but even those we love to cum, sometimes we can’t do it. We try and try but for some reason, we can’t seem to cross the finish line.

    Of course, not being able to cum is not a big deal when you’re alone. You just put the Kleenex is a safe place, minimize the window on your computer screen with the free porn videos you were trying to fap to and say, “I’ll see you two in the morning.”

    But when you’re with a partner, not being able to cum is embarrassing for both parties. They’ll feel either unattractive or sexually inadequate, while you feel awkward because you’ve just learned from trying to fake an orgasm that you’re a terrible actor.

    Even though not being able to cum is embarrassing for everyone, you’re in luck. The only thing you need to do to save your partner and yourself from the humiliation of not being able to cum is good communication. Specifically, you need to be able to communicate a great excuse for why you will not be cumming.

    To help get you started, all of’s resident sexperts came together to create this list of 25 perfectly good excuses for why you’re not going to cum tonight. Ready? OK!  Continue Reading

    September 4, 2014 • Funny, Sex, Sex & Dating Tips, Stuff • Views: 12307

  • 7 Steps To Having Sex Like A Pornstar

    It feels like every three months, Cosmo or some equally shitty publication puts out a list of ways to “Have Sex Like A Pornstar”. Why not? Slapping that on a front page would get me to buy it.

    That said, I’ve always been disappointed by the tips these hacks provide for having sex like a pornstar. It’s almost as though they’ve never seen porn before. Do I even dare accuse them of just making shit up so they can sell magazines?

    Well, I’ve had enough. I’ve taken matters into my own hands and I’m here to tell you how to really have sex like a pornstar in 7 easy steps. So pay attention!

    7 Steps To Having Sex Like A Pornstar

    Continue Reading

    August 15, 2014 • Funny, Sex, Sex & Dating Tips, Sexual Health, Stuff • Views: 34661

  • This Woman Had A Sex Toy Stuck Inside Of Her For 10 Years!

    (In the interest of not being accused of click-baiting you, I’ll let you know right now that the woman who had a sex toy stuck inside of her is not the woman pictured above. It’s just a hot picture courtesy of MasturbationFun on

    A 38-year old Scottish woman walked in to a hospital last week only to discover that a sex toy had been lodged in her vagina for the last decade.

    Yes. You read that correctly. I’ll repeat it just in case you don’t believe me.

    A 38-year old Scottish woman walked in to a hospital last week only to discover that a sex toy had been lodged in her vagina for the last decade. 10 years! She’s had a sex toy stuck in her vagina for the last 10 years!

    STV News reports that the woman sought medical attention after contracting sepsis. Sepsis is a potentially fatal condition in which the body fends off infection by releasing chemicals into the bloodstream. While the chemicals the body releases fight the infection, they also trigger inflammation that can cause organ damage and potentially organ failure.

    The woman had also been suffering from fatigue, shaking, dramatic weight loss and incontinence. When doctors at the Aberdeen Royal Infirmary were diagnosing the woman, they just so happened to find a five-inch object (sex toy) protruding into the woman’s bladder from her vagina. When asked, “What the fuck?” by the doctors, the woman recalled that she had once used a sex toy during a sexual encounter and never removed it…10 years ago.

    Fortunately, the doctors were able to remove the decade-old sex toy surgically and repair the internal damage it did.

    So let this be a reminder to anyone that’s lost sex toys recently to check your vagina. It could be lodged against your bladder and it could be up there for 10 years without you knowing. It is remarkable to me that only when she was near-death did she remember what happened to that old sex toy.

    Be safe out there guys! Keep track of your sex toys! Don’t let your body hog them!

    [h/t: STV News]

    July 31, 2014 • Sex, Sex News • Views: 13054

  • This Map Highlights all of the Dirty-Named Places in the World

    Feeling depressed because it’s Monday morning and life sucks and you’re at work for another long-ass week?  Well turn that frown upside down, dummy!

    If you’ve watched every episode of the Simpsons (BEFORE SEASON 12, OBVIOUSLY) like I have, then perhaps you will remember this little exchange between Superintendent Chalmers, Principal Skinner, and El Barto himself:

    Bart Simpson: Hey, Chalmers, where are you from?

    Superintendent Chalmers: Well, I was born in Queens, went to Ball state, then made the move to Intercourse, Pennsylvania. Uh, why do you ask?

    Continue Reading

    July 14, 2014 • Funny, Infographics/Stories, Stuff • Views: 11177

  • Can You Suck Your Own Dick? – Chico’s Sex Advice

    Welcome back to another edition of Chico’s Sex Advice where I use all my expertise as a sexpert to answer any questions my beloved readers may have about sex.

    If you need sex advice or if you have a question about sex that needs answering, feel free to send an email to OR use the contact form and I’ll answer as quickly as possible.

    Today’s question comes from Jabar:

    “Hey Chico, was just wondering if it was possible for man to suck his own dick?”

    Oh so you want to suck your own dick eh?

    Every man, sooner or later, will always have a moment in his life where he attempts to achieve enlightenment aka suck his own dick.

    Being able to suck one’s own dick, while always a hit at parties, is not easy. It requires a lot of flexibility. Because even if you can bend your body in a way so that your mouth can reach the crotch, keep in mind that you’ll have to stay like that for a while, sucking your own dick until you cum or you’ve simply had enough.

    So my first piece of advice is to stretch. Stretch all the fucking time. Your legs, your back, your hips and ESPECIALLY YOUR NECK. Stretch everything. Because if you don’t have the flexibility, forget about sucking your own dick. Spend at least a week stretching and getting limber before attempting to suck your own dick, otherwise you’ve got yourself a one-way ticket to Disappointmentsville, population you and your unsucked dick.

    Besides flexible, you need to be thin to suck your own dick. If your belly is so big that you can’t even see your junk while naked, then I have bad news for you. You’ll never be able to suck your own dick.

    Now, if you feel flexible and thin enough to try to suck your own dick, these are the ways I recommend you try it:


    Unless you’re a professional contortionist, there’s no way in hell that you’re going to suck your own dick without an extremely rigid erection. I recommend that you use a cock ring for maximum erection rigidity and so that you can stay hard while you struggle to get your lips to your own dick.


    Pick a position. Any position. Well, preferably one that you’ll be most comfortable sucking your own dick in.

    Popular auto-fellatio positions include:

    – Lying on your back and lifting your heels over your head, bringing your dick within sucking proximity. Lying on hard surfaces often increase the success rate because soft surfaces have too much give.

    – While seated, bend at the waist and bring your mouth down to your erection. Congratulations! You’re sucking your own dick!

    These might be somewhat strenuous positions to put yourself in, so if you have a really sex positive girlfriend (or perhaps one that refuses to give blowjobs anymore) ask for her help! She can help stabilize your body, guiding either your hips up to your face or your head down to the dick. Whatever works I guess!

    If you are able to suck your own dick through my advice, please don’t be shocked when you cum in your own mouth. Just remember all those times you came in a woman’s mouth. Fair is fair. Also, while attempting to suck your own dick, keep a phone nearby in case you injure yourself and need to go to hospital. You can always tell them that you were doing nude yoga and not trying to suck your own dick.

    If none of these techniques are not helping you suck your own dick, then I’m sorry but nature has decided that we were not meant to suck your own dick. Luckily, there’s an alternative. You can always go out for a fancy dinner or spend some dough on a thoughtful present and chances are someone will suck your dick for you. Enjoy that dick sucking while you can, because unfortunately, you are not blessed to do that to yourself all the damn time.

    Probably for the best. If all men could suck their own dicks, civilization as we know it would end. And of course the civilization as we know is the male-dominated we live in. I’m sure women would step in while we’re all busy sucking our own dicks, run the show, and everything would be fine. Possibly better.

    I love answering your sex questions! If you have a sex question for me:

    Send an email to


    Use the contact submission form.

    June 26, 2014 • Sex, Sex & Dating Tips • Views: 23530

  • Top 17 Worst Texts From Straight White Boys

    In this time of texting-based courtship, some men have gotten it into their heads that it’s totally OK to text women all their depraved thoughts as a means of attracting them.


    I’m not sure.

    Because some of the things these men are texting to women were said in real life, they’d be meet with a quick slap or thrown drink to the face. But since there’s no risk of being slapped or having a drink thrown at them, then what’s the harm of texting them something inappropriate, right?

    Continue Reading

    June 25, 2014 • Funny, Stuff • Views: 10884

  • 6 Penis Enlargement Products that Definitely Work

    A little while ago, we ran an article detailing an Indian man’s failed attempt to order a vast quantity of penis enlargement products.

    Here’s a pro-tip from your trusted writers: don’t buy penis enlargement products online.  You’re almost certainly gonna get scammed.  Either the product is going to be bullshit and not really work properly or you won’t receive what you ordered at all.

    But luckily for you, there’s a bunch of other methods of penis enlargement that are available without springing for stupid expensive natural supplements.

    Here’s our list:  Continue Reading

    June 20, 2014 • Funny, Sex, Sex & Dating Tips, Sexual Health, Stuff • Views: 12776

  • Pornstars Read Porn Site Searches Live

    Hey guys, remember when PORNMD launched their LIVE SEARCH STREAM? That infinite scroll of searches typed into PORNMD that reveals that everyone in the world is a very strange and sexually perverted weirdo? Well, that’s a little harsh. At least we’re all perverts and it’s not just a handful of people.

    It’s actually some of the wildest pairings of words ever. In fact, some of them are so outrageous and funny…I wonder whether or not it’s real? I mean, wouldn’t you be suspicious or unwilling to use a site that publishes your porn searches into a massive scrolling piece of text for the entire internet to laugh at? I would be. So to be perfectly honest with you, I don’t think the porn searches we see in PornMD’s live search stream is real. It’s probably just a script that pairs words from a giant database for the purposes of publicity and entertainment.

    So yeah, it’s probably fake but it’s still fun.

    Speaking of fun!

    PORNHUB TV thought it would be fun to get a few of the biggest names in the adult industry (like Madison Ivy, Nicole Aniston, Dillion Harper, Kieran Lee, Monique Alexander and a bunch of other people you may never heard of). See what potential fake porn searches make your favorite pornstars and members of the adult industry laugh!


    Too bad I’m convinced it’s as fake as Madison Ivy’s boobs (ie EXTREMELY FAKE).

    via PEEPERZ

    June 13, 2014 • Porn, Porn News & Highlights, Pornstars • Views: 16194

  • Tinder Adds Sexting Feature

    Officially, Snapchat is a photo messaging application that allows users to take photos, record videos and add text or doodle all over them before they’re gone forever in ten seconds or less. That’s how Snapchat would like to be known as.

    In reality, Snapchat is an app that facilitates safe-sexts. The only real use for Snapchat is to take pictures of your dick, or perhaps boobs if you’re a lady, and send them to people you know when you’re feeling real horny. The reason Snapchat is the most effective way to share your dick pics is because once opened, your dick pic will disappear forever within the time you selected for it to last. Therefore, the likelihood of you being blackmailed a la Anthony Weiner is lower than with email or text messages.

    I say “lower” rather than “eliminate” because it is still possible for the receiver of the dick pic to screenshot your dick pic before it disappears. At least Snapchat notifies the sender of the dick pic so they can at least anticipate a blackmail in the upcoming future.

    However, Snapchat’s status as the most effective way to send safe-sexts is now being challenged by popular hook-up app Tinder. Their ephemeral photo sharer is known as “Moments” and it could really change the way you send dick pics.

    According to Tinder CEO Sean Rad (nice name you fucking loser), Tinder Moments should make it easier for people to star conversations on the app. Because when you can’t muster the courage to type “Yo”, at least now you can just take your pants off and snap a pick of your flaccid penis.

    Now I know what you’re thinking…”Why should I take a picture of my flaccid penis?”

    Easy. You start by showing your flaccid penis to open the conversation. Then, if the person you’re sexting on Tinder hasn’t already blocked you, they’ll write something like, “Yo, is that your dick?”

    Then you come back with, “Yeah it is. And if you like the look of my flaccid penis, then wait until you see my erect penis!”

    Whether or not you proceed with sharing a picture of your erect penis or try to entice them to see it in person is totally up to you. The point is not to give it all away. Just like a job interview. The person who gets hired is not the person who begs for the job, or the most docile candidate. The people that get worked the hardest to snag are the candidates who knew their own value. Simple as that.


    Tinder’s Moments feature not only allows users to take a photo but also add a filter, doodle all over it, write a message and broadcast it to all their Tinder matches. Meanwhile, your Tinder matches will be able to view and like the photos for 24 hours before they disappear.

    What’s interesting about Tinder’s sexting feature is that the person who took the photo can keep their own gallery of “moments” forever. So rather than taking a new picture of your flaccid penis every time you get a new Tinder match, you’ll be able to amass a collection of your most flattering flaccid penis pictures and send the ones you feel are the most appropriate for your latest match.

    While I do think it’s cool that Tinder has added a new sexting feature, I wonder whether or not Sean “Nice Name You Fucking Loser” Rad is right about sending pictures being easier than writing a message.

    So what do you think?

    June 5, 2014 • Sex, Sex News • Views: 22452

  • Amy Schumer Explains Why Women Don’t Watch Porn


    Yes, it’s time to once again open this awful can of worms that is: Why don’t more women watch porn?

    Though the industry has tried time and time again to get more women watching porn, none of their harebrained schemes ever seem to stick.

    Lately, I’ve been watching Comedy Central’s Inside Amy Schumer, because Amy Schumer is fabulous and funny. If you’re not watching Inside Amy Schumer, get it together and start watching the show because it’s awesome.

    Continue Reading

    May 28, 2014 • Polls, Sex, Sex News • Views: 16621

  • Women Ride Sybian In Public For Charity

    The men behind viral video machine Simple Pickup have finally figured out how to get women to riding sybians in public.

    For those of you that don’t know, a sybian is a sex toy that was designed in the late 1980’s has been known to give women very intense orgasms. Basically, it’s a saddle that women strandle which contains a gearbox speed reducer, and mechanism connected to a rod that protrudes from a hole in the top centre.

    Now, I know that description doesn’t sound like sybians are very much fun, but it stimulates the clitoris…so it’s fun. In case you don’t believe me, you can watch some videos of babes riding sybians on Sybians on

    For years, I’ve been bringing one of my old sybians down to the beach, politely asking strange women to ride the sybian. Strangely enough, no woman took me up on the offer and I have since been banned from going anywhere near the beach.

    What I’ve learned from Simple Pickup is that if you want women to ride your sybian, you just have to tell them it’s for charity!

    For every second that a girl stayed on the Sybian, they donated $5 to the prevention of female circumcision, straight to a charity called The Orchid Project.

    Oh the things people will do for charity. Let’s watch what happens when girls ride a sybian in public for the sake of charity:

    Good job Simple Pickup. Not only did you contribute to the fight against female circumcision, but more importantly you’ve taught us that most women will do anything for charity.

    So the next time you’re lady is withholding sex from you, try donating $5 to The Orchid Project for every minute you have sex.

    Also ladies, start withholding sex until your man offers to start donating to The Orchid Project.

    May 13, 2014 • Sex News • Views: 12207

  • Pornstar Coco Velvett Watches Her Porn Scenes For The 1st Time

    This is Coco Velvett:

    1213839 coco velvet Pornstar Coco Velvett Watches Her Porn Scenes For The 1st Time

    Recently retired to focus on featured dancing appearances, Coco was in the porn business since 2008. In her six years as a pornstar, Coco appeared in over 100 movies and did hardcore scenes, lesbian sex scenes, facials, cumswaps, interracial sex scenes, creampies, and masturbated on camera.

    However, there’s one thing that Coco Velvett never did…AND NO I’M NOT TALKING ABOUT ANAL SEX.

    Or gangbangs…or DP…Get your heads out of the gutter, guys.

    What Coco Velvett had never done in her six years as a pornstar was watch her own sex scenes! I know it sounds strange that a pornstar would have never watched her own sex scenes, but then again only a huge narcissist would watch they’re own sex scenes, right? Just think about how embarrassed you are when listening to a recording of your own voice. The embarrassment you’d feel watching yourself have sex would be the same, but multiplied by the millions.

    Coco Velvett recently watched her own porn videos for the first time as a part of Lee Roy Myers’s latest project “Look At Me Now” and her reactions are priceless. Let’s watch Coco Velvett watch her porn videos for the first time:

    Don’t be so embarrassed, Coco! I think you’re great.

    Can’t wait to see more of these from WoodRocket!

    April 14, 2014 • Sex News • Views: 26767

  • Top 10 Best #AfterSex Pictures

    aftersex selfie elite daily Top 10 Best #AfterSex Pictures


    If taking sexy selfies are a form of electronic masturbation like Karl Lagerfeld says, then surely the #AfterSex selfies are a new low for people oversharing on the internet.

    For those of you unfamiliar with this new trend, couples are taking photos of themselves after they’ve just had sex and sharing it online.

    Why are they doing this? I have no idea. Maybe they think they look good with flushed faces and fucked up hair? Maybe they just feel like bragging about the fact they just had sex? Well I’m here to tell you that you look terrible #aftersex and no one gives a care that you just had sex.   Continue Reading

    April 4, 2014 • TOP 10's • Views: 34607