An older gentleman in Queens, NYC has been posting pornographic images in his windows.

Why? For fun?

NO!

According to his neighbors, the old man doesn’t like that an immigrant, Indian family moved in next door to him. The man, who chose to use the fake name “Jimmy”, admitted to WABC that he posted the pornographic images in his windows, but said, “I’m drying them out, they got damp last night.”

As far as excuses go, I’m genuinely impressed by how lame Jimmy’s “drying out my damp pornographic images”-excuse is.

Jimmy’s neighbor, Sanjeev Aggurawal said, “My son—he’s four! My nephews are seven and nine, and they come over and they see this. This is ridiculous, it has to stop. He’s upset because some Indian guy moved in next door. That’s the basic thing.” The Aggurawals have been forced to hang a sheet on their porch to ensure their son doesn’t see the pornographic images.

The neighbors have called the cops on Jimmy before, but he just removes the photos and replaces them when the police have left.

In another attempt at a lame excuse, Jimmy also told WABC, “That’s my artwork!” Sure it is. The drying your damp pornography excuse was somehow more convincing.

I’m all for freedom of expression and especially like it when I hear that old men are enjoying pornography. But to use pornography to bully your immigrant neighbors? Not cool.

But what I find most offensive about this entire news story is Jimmy’s blatant disregard for the Sex.com Blog’s definitive list of places to keep your porn.

If you’re not sure where to post your porn, then let this be your guide.

The only places you should be keeping your porn:

  • Sex.com pinboard
  • computer hard drive
  • external hard drive
  • flash drive? (they make them pretty big these days)
  • floppy disk
  • under your mattress
  • inside the mattress?
  • under a pile of coats
  • under a pile of leaves
  • in that secret apartment you leased under a fake name
  • white Ford Bronco
  • bathroom (full magazines with no pages stuck together only)
  • safe with retinal scanner
  • in the Earth’s core
  • underneath a big box being propped up by a piece of wood so when a pervert goes under it to try and get the porn the box falls on them and traps them
  • safety deposit box in offshore bank
  • up your butt and around the corner
  • coffee table (it’s a conversation starter!)
  • hollowed out books
  • wherever you hide your drugs
  • cardboard box labelled “GAY PORN“*

Nowhere on this list does it say you can put your porn in your windows. Poor form, Jimmy. Poor form.

*NOTE: only hide your straight porn in a cardboard box labelled “GAY PORN”. If you’re hiding gay porn, hide it in a cardboard box labelled “PORN”.

[h/t: Gawker]