Two months ago, my esteemed colleague Gil Powers reported that rapper Coolio was going to be mounting a comeback with a new song all about Pornhub and music video filled with pornstars.
I know when I read Gil’s post about it, my reaction was, “Really?”
To which Gil assured me that it was real.
And of course I responded with, “No, really. Don’t jerk me around here fella. Coolio is going to make a comeback with a song about Pornhub and a music video filled with pornstars?”
I guess my main problem with Coolio collaborating with Pornhub is that fact that people (who happened to be named Gil Powers) are calling it a comeback. A comeback, to me, implies a return to form in artistic circles. A Coolio comeback would mean that he had written and recorded a track on par with the Keena & Kel theme song.
But this is not the case.
Instead, Coolio’s collaboration with Pornhub is just sad. I’m sure that Coolio’s royalty checks for “Gangsters Paradise” have been steadily dwindling in size since 1995. And so when a few Pornhub employees saw Coolio standing on the street corner with a piece of cardboard that read, “WILL RAP FOR FOOD“, they couldn’t resist throwing some money at him in exchange for a song that’s nothing more than shameless promotion.
That said, I can’t see how Coolio and Pornhub’s “Take It To The Hub” benefits anyone. Coolio mumbles his way through his verses, with MindGeek properties being the only words properly articulate (meaning that there was a clause in his contract that these were the only lyrics he had to enunciate), thus confirming that Coolio is as washed up as everyone thought he was.
Meanwhile, I don’t see how Pornhub benefits from the song because it is terrible. “Take It To The Hub” might be Pornhub jumping the shark (which of course is an expression to describe that moment when something that was once great has reached a point where it will now decline in quality and popularity). If I were I diehard Pornhub user and I saw this video, I would say to myself, “If this is what they’re doing now, I need to find a new free porn site to fap to.” It’s that embarrassing.
Despite the song being one of the worst songs I’ve heard all year, I will say that the video is able to redeem itself with shots of Phoenix Marie, Skin Diamond, Alexa Aimes and other hot pornstars shaking their big wet titties and asses.
But that’s just how I feel. Watch the video for Coolio and Pornhub’s “Take It To The Hub” courtesy of Vice below:
Wasn’t that just the worst?
Well, it wasn’t all bad. Got to see Phoenix Marie’s ass in action. Too bad it was accompanied by that terrible, terrible song.
Let’s all cleanse our palettes of this awful music with the hottest GIFs of Phoenix Marie’s ass found on Sex.com.