Now she’s starring in a new movie called Open Windows where a man named Nick (Elijah Wood, in the role he was born to play) winning a dinner date with his favorite actress, Grey’s Jill. When she doesn’t show, however, he’s offered the opportunity to constantly watch Jill through his computer. The premise is creepy, but her new movie’s creepiness pales in comparison to the creepy sexts Sasha Grey read for the latest instalment of Machinima’s “Creepy Test Theatre”. Continue Reading
Do y’all fuck with sexting? I don’t. I can’t help but assume that once I take a nude selfie and send it to the hot babe I’m trying to seduce there are only two possible scenarios.
Scenario #1: my dick pic accidentally gets sent to everyone on in my contacts and all their suspicions that I have a really unusual looking penis are confirmed.
Scenario #2: I hit send on my dick pic and the police raid my apartment. I’m then taken into custody and forced to await a trial with no scheduled date or location, turning my life into some kind of Kafka-esque nightmare.
Welcome back to another edition of Chico’s Sex Advice where I use all my expertise as a sexpert to answer any questions my beloved readers may have about sex.
Today’s question comes from JOHNNY ANONYMOUS:
“Hi Chico. I was just wondering how I should ask my long distance girlfriend to have a sex chat with me? You know, I want to ask her in a way that won’t be rude or offensive to her. Thanks!”
EXCELLENT QUESTION, JOHNNY ANONYMOUS!
How does one broach the topic of engaging in a sex chat with a significant other that’s hundreds of miles away?
Let me start by commending you for committing to a long distance relationship. Anyone who has been in a long distance relationship (including myself) will tell anyone that opts for a long distance relationship in lieu of breaking up that you’re making a terrible decision. Even relationships where you and your significant other live in the same city can be a massive undertaking. Long distance only amplifies the workload and rarely yields the same rewards.
Aside from the few and far between days you spend together while in a long distance relationship (which are often amazing because it’s whole days having non-stop sex), the majority of your time together is spent on the phone, on Skype or whatever your preferred method of communication having the most mundane conversations about the daily going-ons of your life. More often than not (at least in my own experience), you end up cancelling plans with friends just to talk about nothing with your significant other as a means of proving you’re still faithful to your partner. And over time, you start resent your significant other because all you end up doing is keeping each other updated on how your lives are growing apart.
So how can we avoid this resentment and the feeling that you’re growing apart? Well, in my mind the simplest solution is to make it more fun and worth your while with a sex chat.
But how to bring it up?
If I were you, I’d start by dropping hints in your conversation that you’d like to turn this daily update into a sex chat. Say something like, “Everyone’s away for the weekend. It’s so lonely in this apartment. What would you do with me if you were here with me right now?” And then if she replies with something like, “I’d fuck you in every room of your apartment. We’d fuck on every fuckable surface in your home.” She’s taken the bait and before you know it, you’re having the sex chat you’ve longed for.
Of course, your girlfriend might be the shy type and may not engage in a sex chat so freely. If that’s the case, wait until you’re having a late-night Skype session. The idea here is that she’ll be on Skype in some comfortable bedtime clothes like a tank top or crop top or a big billowing T-shirt. If she’s dressed as such, remind her how much you miss her…specifically her body. Then beg for a little tease. You never know, she might be super flattered and let you see some titty. From there you can escalate into a more serious sex chat.
But the best way to ask your long distance girlfriend to have a sex chat with you is simply by being direct. Just ask her straight up, “Would you ever consider having a sex chat with me?” Though you will struggle to ask this question due to its awkward nature, it’s honestly the best way to find out if a sex chat will ever be on the table. Chances are that she’ll be interested because she’s in this relationship too. She has to put up with making her schedule around keeping in contact with you as well with little reward too. It’s not rude to gauge her interest.
Maybe she’ll be receptive to the idea of webcamming but not phone sex. Maybe she’ll want to sext and nothing more. Sexuality is a highly individual thing that can be manifested and expressed in a number of different ways. That’s why you need to take a deep breath, muster up some confidence, throw caution to the wind and ask if she’s ever considered having a sex chat. If so, you can guys can then work out the terms of your sex chatting. But as Wayne Gretzky said…you miss 100% of the shots you don’t take. So take this shot and you might just score!
As long as you’re not forcing a sex chat, I have a feeling that she’ll be receptive to the idea simply because it will help stoke the fires of your passionate relationship. Right?
Worse case scenario, you can cite growing apart and resentment I spoke about earlier in this post. But first and foremost, gauge her interest and explain to her why engaging in some playful sex chats is something you think could help maintain a healthy long distance relationship. Just because you’re miles away doesn’t mean your sex lives need to take a hit.
I love answering your sex questions! If you have a sex question for me:
Send an email to email@example.com
In this time of texting-based courtship, some men have gotten it into their heads that it’s totally OK to text women all their depraved thoughts as a means of attracting them.
I’m not sure.
Because some of the things these men are texting to women were said in real life, they’d be meet with a quick slap or thrown drink to the face. But since there’s no risk of being slapped or having a drink thrown at them, then what’s the harm of texting them something inappropriate, right?
Officially, Snapchat is a photo messaging application that allows users to take photos, record videos and add text or doodle all over them before they’re gone forever in ten seconds or less. That’s how Snapchat would like to be known as.
In reality, Snapchat is an app that facilitates safe-sexts. The only real use for Snapchat is to take pictures of your dick, or perhaps boobs if you’re a lady, and send them to people you know when you’re feeling real horny. The reason Snapchat is the most effective way to share your dick pics is because once opened, your dick pic will disappear forever within the time you selected for it to last. Therefore, the likelihood of you being blackmailed a la Anthony Weiner is lower than with email or text messages.
I say “lower” rather than “eliminate” because it is still possible for the receiver of the dick pic to screenshot your dick pic before it disappears. At least Snapchat notifies the sender of the dick pic so they can at least anticipate a blackmail in the upcoming future.
However, Snapchat’s status as the most effective way to send safe-sexts is now being challenged by popular hook-up app Tinder. Their ephemeral photo sharer is known as “Moments” and it could really change the way you send dick pics.
According to Tinder CEO Sean Rad (nice name you fucking loser), Tinder Moments should make it easier for people to star conversations on the app. Because when you can’t muster the courage to type “Yo”, at least now you can just take your pants off and snap a pick of your flaccid penis.
Now I know what you’re thinking…”Why should I take a picture of my flaccid penis?”
Easy. You start by showing your flaccid penis to open the conversation. Then, if the person you’re sexting on Tinder hasn’t already blocked you, they’ll write something like, “Yo, is that your dick?”
Then you come back with, “Yeah it is. And if you like the look of my flaccid penis, then wait until you see my erect penis!”
Whether or not you proceed with sharing a picture of your erect penis or try to entice them to see it in person is totally up to you. The point is not to give it all away. Just like a job interview. The person who gets hired is not the person who begs for the job, or the most docile candidate. The people that get worked the hardest to snag are the candidates who knew their own value. Simple as that.
Tinder’s Moments feature not only allows users to take a photo but also add a filter, doodle all over it, write a message and broadcast it to all their Tinder matches. Meanwhile, your Tinder matches will be able to view and like the photos for 24 hours before they disappear.
What’s interesting about Tinder’s sexting feature is that the person who took the photo can keep their own gallery of “moments” forever. So rather than taking a new picture of your flaccid penis every time you get a new Tinder match, you’ll be able to amass a collection of your most flattering flaccid penis pictures and send the ones you feel are the most appropriate for your latest match.
While I do think it’s cool that Tinder has added a new sexting feature, I wonder whether or not Sean “Nice Name You Fucking Loser” Rad is right about sending pictures being easier than writing a message.
So what do you think?
With every passing generation, it seems like people are getting more blasé about sex, which is great because it turns out that people are starting to have kinkier sex in order to keep sex exciting.
In honor of National Masturbation Month (which apparently is May and not every month), webcam site Cam4 and French survey institute IFOP surveyed a sample of 1,023 Americans on their sexual habits and were surprised with the findings.
According to their research, “40 percent of women under 35 have shared photos or videos in which they were at least semi-naked, either via text or through social media.” Very cool, way to go girls! Why you haven’t all texted or tweeted semi-nudes to me personally is baffling, but you can get started now by sending your nudes to @chicodustyblog on Twitter.
We’re also making more sex tapes! More than 25 percent of respondents under 35 have filmed or photographed themselves during sex, with more than 50 percent of people saying they would definitely do it too…”if the timing was right.” I’m not entirely sure what would constitute as good timing when it comes to filming a sex tape. Like, are people concerned with the lighting? Or are they not willing to film a sex tape with their partner because they plan on dumping them immediately after sex? Either way, “The timing wasn’t right” is a lame excuse for not filming a sex tape. So get on it and upload it to Sex.com.
People are also being more open about masturbation. 79 percent of female respondents under 35 said they had masturbated and 88 percent of their male peers said the same. Why 21 percent of female respondents and 12 percent of male respondents felt the need to lie is too bad, but at least the majority of people were being honest about their masturbation habits.
As the study reports, “this was considerably higher than the overall proportion of the sample, suggesting that young people are significantly more likely to engage in self pleasure than their older counterparts [also indicating] that the figure might be even higher for women, who tend to underreport their solo-sex experiences.”
Cam-viewing is on the rise with 21 percent of women and 32 percent of men reporting watching live sex shows online. Skype sex is also increasingly common, with 26 percent of respondents saying they had “had sexual relations via a webcam, while 48 percent said they would do so if given the opportunity.”
Ultimately, all we can take away from this study is that Americans are getting hornier and hornier. It won’t be long before the only thing that gets the average American off is auto-erotic asphyxiation. And that’s the America I want to be a part of.[h/t: Refinery29]
All Kanye West and Kim Kardashian is privacy.
At least that’s what they say.
But if the world’s most hated couple wanted privacy, they wouldn’t continue living such public lives.
Last night, Kim Kardashian put this photo on her Instagram:
To which Kanye West replied:
— KANYE WEST (@kanyewest) October 17, 2013
This is basically sexting.
Except instead of doing this privately, they shared it with 10 million people.
The way I see it, their private lives are none of our business. But they make it our business when they do stuff like this.
If you want to see what happened when Kanye got home and found Kim Kardashian in that painted on bathing suit waiting for him, just imagine that Kim has blonde hair in this video:
Last night, Anthony Weiner’s mayoral dreams died when he lost the election.
Weiner didn’t just lose the election, he was completely blown out. Have a look at the results:
As you can see, Anthony Weiner was absolutely crushed in the polls.
When it came time to make his concession speech, Anthony Weiner’s wife Huma Abedin was nowhere to be seen. I assume that their relationship hasn’t been the best since Weiner got busted for sexting again.
Just when Anthony Weiner’s night couldn’t get any worse, guess who showed up to the party.
Calico Rudasil is a feature columnist for Sssh.com, the web’s original erotic site for women by women. With over 16 years’ experience of writing about and for the adult entertainment industry under her belt, Calico qualifies as something of a Web Porn Dinosaur; similar to a tyrannosaurus, only with far more attractive arms and a less pronounced overbite.
Today Calico Rudasil is here with a friendly reminder to guys that women don’t want to see your dick.
Look, I like dick as much as the next girl, when presented in its proper context – that context being attached to a man with whom I’m about to have sex (or at least fool around with a bit). Where I generally do NOT like dick is out of context, like on my smartphone, sitting like a flesh-colored turd in my email inbox, or otherwise divorced from situations that have at least the potential to go coital.
I can’t speak for all women, naturally, but I think I speak for most when I say this sexting thing has gotten out of hand (your hand being, by the way, a much better place to put your penis when you simply cannot keep it in your pants then is your iPhone, fellas). Continue Reading
I seem to remember reading a quote from Sydney Leathers sometime last week where she said that she was done with porn. She had filmed the solo masturbation scene and that was all we were going to get.
I must have been hallucinating or not paying close enough attention because a week after allegedly reading that Sydney Leathers quote, she’s back starring in a new porn movie from Vivid Entertainment.
And this time, Sydney Leathers does hardcore. Continue Reading