Earlier this month, America was up in arms when it was revealed that government officials have been spending most of their time watching porn. This really shouldn’t come as a surprise given how inert the government has been since…well…always, I guess.
There’s nothing wrong with being pissed at the government for watching porn at work. You’d think that keeping the country running would be demanding, instead one special agent at the Environmental Protection Agency admitted to watching anywhere from 2 to 6 hours of porn at work a day while still collecting a $120,000 in the name of saving the environment. Let me put this into perspective…I work for a porn site and I don’t even watch that much porn on a daily basis. Plus, I make WAY less than that. AND! Think about all the Kleenex he must have used during his porn binges at work. Not very environmentally friendly, dog.
Though this isolated case of watching porn at work is both ludicrous and frustrating, watching porn at work is extremely common according to a 2010 Nielsen survey. Continue Reading
At the risk of sounding heteronormative, penises are weird. Not that I’m not happy to have a penis (it’s pretty cool, I guess), but you’ve got to admit that having a super-sensitive nub of flesh that alternates between fleshy sponge and rock-hard love machine is weird.
While women worry about keeping their bodies up to the ridiculously high standards set by mainstream and adult media, men have all been brainwashed into thinking that their penises need to be big, circumcised and ready to get hard in a moment’s notice because those are the only types of penises we ever see or talk about. Continue Reading
Sex positions are like drugs: they’re fun for a while but if you do them too much you build up a massive tolerance and you wake up in the morning feeling ever more empty than you did before.
Ok, that’s maybe not the best analogy I’ve ever made, but who cares?
Recently, Men’s Health surveyed over 800 of their readers to determine the sex positions men liked the best. Strangely, the Butter Churner sex position didn’t even rank in their results. Needless to say that the exclusion of the Butter Churner sex position makes me question this survey’s credibility, but let’s see what they found out about men’s favorite sex positions.
If you’re wondering whether or not other dudes use condoms when banging a real-doll, you’re in luck — Lovehoney, a British sex toy manufacturer, recently published a whopping 53-page study pertaining to the shopping habits of their clientele.
Researcher Jon Millward (of the 10,000 pornstar study fame) spent over 5 months collecting and analyzing data from one million purchases made through Lovehoney’s website, looking to customer profiles, shopping habits and product reviews in an attempt to answer every question you’ve ever had about sex toys, but were too afraid to ask. Not only has this massive undertaking nabbed the title of “World’s Biggest Study of Sex Toy Sales”, the findings presented in the aptly named “Down the Rabbit Hole” study are likely to make even the freakiest among us feel a little less grody. Because I know you guys don’t really give a shit about exposition and all those other things that make me feel like a competent writer, I’ll cut to the chase and talk results. Continue Reading
Rudder, a co-founder of OkCupid and Harvard-educated data scientist, analyzed millions of records to figure out how we scramble for love online. Though analyzing OkCupid and other dating site browsing data is sure to only reveal the worst in people, there was one insight that I found deeply unsettling.
According to Rudder’s research, men of all ages are by far looking for women in their early 20’s. That’s not the unsettling part. The OkCupid data revealed that while men often set their age filters for women into their 30’s and beyond, rarely do they contact a woman over 29.
While that in itself is deeply unsettling, I’m mostly disturbed by the stupidity of the men looking for love online for ignoring an age group that is widely regarded to have the hottest sex imaginable.
In order to help the MILFs and Mature babes of OkCupid get laid, here are 6 reasons why sex with MILFs is the best. Continue Reading
According to a new study commissioned to mark the UK DVD release of Neighbours, starring Seth Rogen and Zac Efron, three out of four British women would choose a man with a great big gut over a perfectly chiseled muscle man.
For those of you keeping score, that’s approximately 23 million British, Welsh, Scottish and Northern Irish women that find six packs to be a TURN OFF. Meanwhile, 96% of women reported that they predict a date with a muscle-bound hunk to be a total waste of an evening.
Let’s get one thing straight before you trade in your gym membership for a trough filled with ice cream: the results of this Seth Rogen sponsored study does not mean that women hate men with sinewy…toned…muscular…hot bodies. Hell, as a straight man, I can’t help but get hard thinking about Zac Efron and his hot abs (Seth Rogen has a good joke about it in Neighbors but I forget what it was. Can anyone even remember May 2014anyway?).
It’s more that women like the fantasy of muscular men but when it comes to real life, a flabby man is the way to go. Why? Because 74% of women in the survey said they’d feel self-conscious taking their clothes off in front of a Zac Efron-style Adonis. His discipline and commitment to making his body better in contrast with their own listlessness.
You must have unshakeable confidence if you’re never self-conscious about your body. It happens to everyone because the society’s standard for the ideal body is not a realistic goal.
Is it any wonder that women feel that a woman who doesn’t give a shit about his own appearance would be less critical of hers? Sadly, that’s not always the case. If you’re a fat slob of a man that doesn’t do anything to tend to himself while critiquing your partner’s appearance, go to Hell.
So while the majority of women would choose Seth Rogen over Zac Efron, I’m curious to know how you guys feel about women.
I think it’s fair to say that by in large, men are shallower than women. But that’s just my hypothesis! Prove me wrong!
Why did I put that last option about having a huge dick in there? You’re all going to vote that your huge dick is the source of infinite confidence and it immediately makes you the most attractive man ever because men who read sex blogs feel the need to overcompensate. Sadly, having a big dick isn’t so great.
Smoking weed is truly a wonderful thing because it has so many positive effects on a person’s life. It makes you laugh at everything. It makes rap music more relatable. It makes you hungry. It makes you forget things instantly. It makes you hungry. And it’s super chill.
In your pseudo-science report of the day, sex toy company LoveHoney recently posted the results of a survey which polled 1500 online users. According to the results of the poll, one third of women have gone through sex dry spells that have lasted for a year.
A year! Where you @ dudes?
Keeping sexually active is not always the easiest. According the the study, most of the reasons for sexuality inactivity involve boring and tedious real-life problems, like being stressed out and being too busy for work.
Turns out that a good chunk of women are actually sort of fine with their sexual dry spells however, with 23% saying they’re fine with going through a big drought.
One of the more interesting parts of the study is as follows:
“A quarter of women have ended a break in sex with a one-night stand or a casual fling, compared to 34 per cent of men. A further 36 per cent of women have resumed sex by sleeping with a friend with benefits – a pal they can enjoy sex with but not date.”
Makes sense. If I was going through year long sexual dry spells I would be going through my phone looking for any acquaintance that might be willing to help me out with my problem. One night stands aren’t the most satisfying, in my opinion, but sometimes you just gotta open up those floodgates you know?
Since this study comes from a sex toy company (one of the biggest in the UK), I’m going to question the intentions behind this poll. Put two and two together, y’all. If people aren’t having sex, and are frustrated, they’re probably more likely to invest in that expensive vibrator so they can take matters into their own hands.
“Hey, I want a sex toy but I’m too embarrassed to go to a sex shop, oh, hey wait a second, this study I’m reading is published by an online sex toy distributor – where’s my credit card again?”