Why is science always trying to tell us that watching porn is bad for us? Continue Reading
At the risk of sounding heteronormative, penises are weird. Not that I’m not happy to have a penis (it’s pretty cool, I guess), but you’ve got to admit that having a super-sensitive nub of flesh that alternates between fleshy sponge and rock-hard love machine is weird.
While women worry about keeping their bodies up to the ridiculously high standards set by mainstream and adult media, men have all been brainwashed into thinking that their penises need to be big, circumcised and ready to get hard in a moment’s notice because those are the only types of penises we ever see or talk about. Continue Reading
Sex positions are like drugs: they’re fun for a while but if you do them too much you build up a massive tolerance and you wake up in the morning feeling ever more empty than you did before.
Ok, that’s maybe not the best analogy I’ve ever made, but who cares?
Recently, Men’s Health surveyed over 800 of their readers to determine the sex positions men liked the best. Strangely, the Butter Churner sex position didn’t even rank in their results. Needless to say that the exclusion of the Butter Churner sex position makes me question this survey’s credibility, but let’s see what they found out about men’s favorite sex positions.
Men’s all time favorite sex position is…
Scientists may have stumbled upon the long-awaited viagra for women: apples.
Across the United States (and I assume the rest of the world because America is the world), women earn less than men on average. Why? In spite of the fact that women can do any job as well as any man, there are some people (mostly men) that prefer their workplaces to be little clubhouses for their guys to bro down. Messed up right? And even today, in 2014, women earn about 76 cents for every dollar a man earns. Crazy right?
Interestingly enough, porn is possibly the only industry where the pay-grade based on gender is reversed. Female pornstars make far more than male talent. That’s just an interesting bit of trivia that you can spout the next time some sex-negative person is criticizing the porn industry or you for watching porn.
But that’s not what we’re talking about today. Today, I’d like to draw your attention to some new survey results that may just put an end to the gender pay gap.
According to a new survey conducted by Money magazine, men who consider themselves the breadwinner of the relationship often have a worse sex life than those who don’t.
56 percent of men who make as much or less than their spouses had a “hot” or “very good” sex life compared to just 44 percent who earn more than their wives.
SO WHY DO WE HAVE A GENDER PAY GAP?
The reason for why dual income couples have healthier, more satisfying sex lives is simple: they’re not fighting over money. Approximately 70 percent of couples cite money problems as a source of bickering which is a total mood killer in the bedroom.
Aside from the reduced stress over finances, couples that split the responsibility of providing for a household reduces pressure and creates a sense of real partnership, which is conducive to getting in the mood. Diane Harris, editor of Money, says, “We think it’s because they feel like true partners—that they’re a team taking care of the finances together. That breeds extra closeness in and out of the bedroom.”
So the next time you hear some ignorant bigot talking complaining about why women are complaining for pay equality, just remind them that a happier, healthier, more satisfying sex life is also at stake. After all, the only way to reason with someone who is against pay equality is to show them how it affects them. Because honestly, who the hell is against pay equality?[h/t: Shape]
In recent years, the scientific community seems to be shocked and appalled that humans are having sex for fun rather than for reproduction purposes. Isn’t that strange? Normally when you think of science, you think of progression and progressive values to compliment that spirit of innovation, but all the “scientific” “research” “done” on casual sex makes it seem like it’s the worst thing in the world.
Every day I read a headline like, “Casual Sex Linked to Type 2 Diabetes“. And obviously when I, a man whose family has a long history of diabetes and that has a lot of casual sex, read that headline I get super nervous. But then I read the article and its case against casual sex is like, “45% of people with type 2 Diabetes have at one point in their lives have had casual sex…COINCIDENCE?” Yes. It is a coincidence. People can come up with statistics to prove anything…14% of people know that.
A new study published in Social Psychological and Personality Science has attempted to measure the overall effects of casual sex, now that casual sex is a normative experience for many young people. Continue Reading
As the first round of the World Cup comes to a close, it’s come to my attention that this soccer fad has gotten totally out of control. And I’m not talking about the fist fights between bandwagoners and lifelong soccer fans.
Speaking of which, can I just address something really quick before we get back on topic? Lifelong soccer fans, you really need to get off your damn high horse for the rest of the World Cup. When you say, “You didn’t care about soccer a few months ago. Yet you’re an expert at World Cup?” Yes. I am. It’s your own damn fault for following Club Soccer that no one cares about. But it’s summer, which means all the good sports are done until the fall. So what are we supposed to do? Not get drunk during the day while watching sports? Absolutely not.
You’re right lifelong soccer fans, we don’t care about soccer. Our feigned interest in your stupid game is merely a way of getting drunk during the day because international sportsmanship is something worth drinking to. So for the next couple of weeks, stop complaining about the bandwagon and everyone on it. Because once World Cup is over, it will be exactly four years before anyone thinks of soccer again.
Besides that, World Cup is getting out of hand because a new survey has revealed that World Cup is more popular than sex!
But you guys love sex!
A European condom company set out to find out how men rank watching their country’s team against having sex. Needless to say, the results were as shocking as finding out that Europeans use condoms.
Out of 2,000 participants, 40 percent of men admitted that they would turn down sex so that they could watch soccer instead. Other excuses used by men to get out of intimate situations included blaming a bad back, fatigue, and having a headache.
I really can’t believe you guys would choose soccer over sex. Think about all the good times we’ve had talking about sex. You really want to give that up for soccer?
But now I ask, “Why can’t you do both?” Why can’t you and your partner cheer your team on while fucking? Add getting drunk during the day and that’s the most fun you’ll ever have.
So remember guys, when faced with a decision between watching soccer and having sex…choose to do both at the same time.
As always, “FUTBALL” has a lot to learn from American Football:
A few years ago, a lot of my friends who had been in relationships started to get married. One by one, I heard boring proposal story after boring proposal story while I impatiently waited to hear when I would be able to break up my tux and drunkenly throw up all over it.
At the time, I couldn’t understand why people got married. Actually, come to think of it, I still don’t understand why people get married. However, I have figured out why people have weddings. Continue Reading
College! It’s an important part in every young person’s life. It’s the time where your parents pay for your school, which you barely attend in favor of getting black-out drunk on a daily basis to make horrible mistakes that will shape your future. But ultimately, the getting drunk every day and never doing actual school work is highly educational because it really does teach you a lot about your self. Especially sexuality.
When you go to college, you’re finally free to experiment with sex. No more sneaking around, breaking curfew, trying to keep it quiet or minimize the semen stains in the back seat of your parent’s station wagon. Yes, college is truly a great place for sex. Makes me wonder why I ever bothered to graduate.
To help us relive the sexual exploits of our college years, a website popular with students in the English town of Brighton decided to see how much sex college students were having, so they created THE UNIVERSITY SEX LEAGUE SURVEY. They asked over 6,000 students about various aspects of their sex lives, y’know the basics like when did they lose their virginity and how many sexual partners have you had while at university.
AND THE RESULTS ARE IN! It turns out that philosophy majors have the most sex! Well that’s good. Philosophy majors have 0 job prospects, 0 applicable skills and they’re willingness to pontificate on fucking everything can’t help but make them the laughing stock of university campuses everywhere. So at least they’re having the most sex out of any other faculty.
Philosophy majors were found to have an average of 7 sexual partners over the course of their academic careers, which was good enough to put them in the number 1 spot. 7 sexual partners may seem low (it’s not, btw), but compare it to chemical science engineers who only had 2.3 sexual partners throughout their academic careers, philosophy majors are doing pretty good.
The survey also revealed that 51 percent of women and 61 percent of men have had unprotected sex, with an additional 30 percent of women admitting to having taken the morning-after pill at least once. Yikes. Now that’s bad. That’s a definite indication that people need better sex ed, especially before moving away to go to college. SO GET ON IT HIGH SCHOOLS AND ALSO UNIVERSITIES.
Even stranger, 51 percent of college students define themselves as being in a monogamous relationship, and 39 percent believe they will meet their future life partner while at a university. This proves once again that young people are morons.
What do we think of when we think of French women?
We think of full lips painted with bright red lipstick.
We think big round, black sunglasses that compliment their face but still leave enough mystery to know that we’re attracted to them but we’re curious to see more.
We think of unkempt armpit hair, that would normally be shocking and kind of gross, but somehow they pull it off.
Mostly what we think of when we think of French women is that they have historically been the world’s best lovers, just oozing with sex appeal solely because they speak that sweet, sweet language.
Unfortunately for us, and all French men, a new survey has concluded that French women just aren’t that interested in sex anymore.
When asked to rate sex and food as catalysts for well-being, French women and men both gave food a 7.1 on a scale from 0 to 10. Makes sense because your diet can affect your mood, energy levels and overall well-being. And if you don’t eat any food, you’ll die of starvation. So 7.1 is a fair rating.
However, when rating sex, French men gave it a 7.5 whereas French women only gave sex a 6.7.
Chocolate, cheese and foie gras topped the league table of happiness, the poll found. Women proved more likely to cite chocolate or strawberries and men more often plumped for meatier options like foie gras and steak.
On top of that, the Harris Interactive poll found that when given the option of cutting back on either food or sex, French women were more willing to cut back on sex than food. Of course, French men didn’t hesitate for a second on cutting back on food.
And it gets worse. 72% of French women said that it’s worse to have a sexual partner that’s bad in bed than a partner that’s a bad cook.
So not only are French women not all that interested in sex anymore, they especially don’t like it when men are bad at sex. What are we supposed to go? I guess keep the house stocked with chocolate? According to the poll, it’s the only thing that they want.