Tinder is basically the wild west of online dating, right? If it feels right, you can ask a perfect stranger you’ve matched with if they’d be interested in meeting up in a secluded parking lot so you can fuck their face for a few minutes and never see them again (speaking from personal experience here).
Simply based on the salacious messages I’ve sent strangers on Tinder with no consequence besides bolstering my reputation as a pervert, I really didn’t think it was possible for anyone to get banned from Tinder. Until news broke that former pornstar Bree Olson, of all people, was banned from Tinder. Continue Reading
Just when you felt it was time to remove Tinder from your phone for the six-hundredth time, you might want to wait a few more swipes before you do because you might just match with actress and singer Hilary Duff. Continue Reading
Now she’s starring in a new movie called Open Windows where a man named Nick (Elijah Wood, in the role he was born to play) winning a dinner date with his favorite actress, Grey’s Jill. When she doesn’t show, however, he’s offered the opportunity to constantly watch Jill through his computer. The premise is creepy, but her new movie’s creepiness pales in comparison to the creepy sexts Sasha Grey read for the latest instalment of Machinima’s “Creepy Test Theatre”. Continue Reading
When Tinder first came out, the app was billed as the world’s first hook-up app. And though there’s nothing more satisfying than swiping left and seeing “NOPE” appear over someone’s pictures in big red letters, Tinder is ultimately flawed because “hook-up” is a loosely definable term.
Personally, I would define a “hook-up” as penis in vagina (vagina on vagina for lesbians and penis in ass for gay men). Though some people say, “We didn’t have sex, we just hooked-up.” Now what the fuck is that supposed to mean? You made out? You went down on each other? You exchanged phone numbers? What the fuck is hooking-up exactly?
Tinder promised us unlimited access to casual sex partners but has only given us a handful of one-night stands. Surprisingly, liking each other’s pictures doesn’t necessarily mean you’re looking for the same thing. Your latest match might be looking for a relationship rather than 45 minutes of underwhelming sex. It’s totally fucked up.
It was a bachelor party in Arizona, where a group of friend were expressing the same malaise toward Tinder that bore a brand new hook-up app that doesn’t leave you wondering whether or not the cutie you’re checking out is DTF or looking for something serious. Mixxxer is the new Tinder that’s strictly for sex. Continue Reading
Officially, Snapchat is a photo messaging application that allows users to take photos, record videos and add text or doodle all over them before they’re gone forever in ten seconds or less. That’s how Snapchat would like to be known as.
In reality, Snapchat is an app that facilitates safe-sexts. The only real use for Snapchat is to take pictures of your dick, or perhaps boobs if you’re a lady, and send them to people you know when you’re feeling real horny. The reason Snapchat is the most effective way to share your dick pics is because once opened, your dick pic will disappear forever within the time you selected for it to last. Therefore, the likelihood of you being blackmailed a la Anthony Weiner is lower than with email or text messages.
I say “lower” rather than “eliminate” because it is still possible for the receiver of the dick pic to screenshot your dick pic before it disappears. At least Snapchat notifies the sender of the dick pic so they can at least anticipate a blackmail in the upcoming future.
However, Snapchat’s status as the most effective way to send safe-sexts is now being challenged by popular hook-up app Tinder. Their ephemeral photo sharer is known as “Moments” and it could really change the way you send dick pics.
According to Tinder CEO Sean Rad (nice name you fucking loser), Tinder Moments should make it easier for people to star conversations on the app. Because when you can’t muster the courage to type “Yo”, at least now you can just take your pants off and snap a pick of your flaccid penis.
Now I know what you’re thinking…”Why should I take a picture of my flaccid penis?”
Easy. You start by showing your flaccid penis to open the conversation. Then, if the person you’re sexting on Tinder hasn’t already blocked you, they’ll write something like, “Yo, is that your dick?”
Then you come back with, “Yeah it is. And if you like the look of my flaccid penis, then wait until you see my erect penis!”
Whether or not you proceed with sharing a picture of your erect penis or try to entice them to see it in person is totally up to you. The point is not to give it all away. Just like a job interview. The person who gets hired is not the person who begs for the job, or the most docile candidate. The people that get worked the hardest to snag are the candidates who knew their own value. Simple as that.
Tinder’s Moments feature not only allows users to take a photo but also add a filter, doodle all over it, write a message and broadcast it to all their Tinder matches. Meanwhile, your Tinder matches will be able to view and like the photos for 24 hours before they disappear.
What’s interesting about Tinder’s sexting feature is that the person who took the photo can keep their own gallery of “moments” forever. So rather than taking a new picture of your flaccid penis every time you get a new Tinder match, you’ll be able to amass a collection of your most flattering flaccid penis pictures and send the ones you feel are the most appropriate for your latest match.
While I do think it’s cool that Tinder has added a new sexting feature, I wonder whether or not Sean “Nice Name You Fucking Loser” Rad is right about sending pictures being easier than writing a message.
Hinge: the dating app that combines the best of Tinder and OKCupid
Porn is great but sometimes it’s not an adequate substitute for real sex or a relationship…though hopefully it will someday…
While we wait for that glorious day where watching porn has completely replaced real sex and relationships, I’d like to tell you about a new free dating app that will help you meet local singles. The dating app is called Hingeand its combined the best of Tinder and OkCupid to help you meet and date babes in your area! Continue Reading
If Scarface has taught me anything it’s that in America, you gotta make the money first. Then when you get the money, you get the power. Then when you get the power, then you get the women.
However, getting money and power are two very difficult tasks. Luckily, there are dating apps that makes it easier to meet women (or men). We’d like to talk to you about our favorite new dating app. It’s called Tinder and you’re gonna like it. Continue Reading