Valentine’s Day

  • Another Happy Steak and Blowjob Day!


    World’s best holiday

    Every March 14th, men and women come together to celebrate the world’s greatest holiday: Steak and Blowjob Day.

    The idea is that men “work” “very” “hard” to “satisfy” their “lover” on Valentine’s Day, so a month later women get a chance to repay their efforts with a steak and a blowjob. I’ve heard worse excuses to eat red meat and get head, so I’m 100% on board with Steak and Blowjob Day.

    Last Steak and Blowjob Day, we showed you how to make the perfect steak and give a great blowjob. So this year here are the steps to convincing your significant other that Steak and Blowjob Day is a real thing:  Continue Reading

    March 13, 2014 • Sex News • Views: 6745

  • A Valentine’s Day Surprise From Spencer Scott and Twisty’s


    Spencer Scott

    No one wants to spend Valentine’s Day alone.

    Thankfully, the good people at Twisty’s have provided us with a little, last minute Valentine’s Day surprise…

    It’s Spencer Scott nude and being sexy!

    Somehow, Twisty’s knew that all you wanted for Valentine’s Day was a busty blonde as hot as Spencer Scott. So they went out and got Spencer Scott for you. Isn’t that nice of them?

    There are plenty more hot babes waiting to be your Valentine at Twisty’s, so make sure you visit to see more.

    But now onto our vicarious Valentine, Ms Spencer Scott!  Continue Reading

    February 14, 2014 • Pictures & Vids, Porn • Views: 5244

  • Top 10 Things To Do If You’re Alone On Valentine’s Day


    Happy Valentine’s Day!

    Valentine’s Day sucks.

    It sucks when you’re in a couple but it especially sucks when you’re single because you’re alone. At least when you’re dating someone, you’re both having a miserable Valentine’s Day together.

    So yeah, Valentine’s Day sucks. But at least it only lasts 24 hours! That’s why if you’re feeling a little blue on Valentine’s Day, you can do one of these 10 things because this is the TOP 10 THINGS TO DO IF YOU’RE ALONE ON VALENTINE’S DAY.   Continue Reading

    February 13, 2014 • TOP 10's • Views: 4182

  • A Special Valentine’s Day Infographic by

    As you all know, I’m not big on Valentine’s Day. I prefer to celebrate Galentine’s Day. Galentine’s Day is celebrated on February 13th by getting all your female friends together and having a big party in the spirit of friendship. No cards, no flowers, just single women saying, “Chico, get out of here!” It truly is the greatest holiday.

    What was I talking about again? Oh yeah! Valentine’s Day.

    Yes, I’m not big on Valentine’s Day and to help me understand the hype, I asked you guys a couple of questions about Valentine’s Day. 3,000 votes later, a friend of the blog made this infographic in hopes of explaining how people feel about Valentine’s Day.  Continue Reading

    February 13, 2014 • Infographics/Stories, Sex News • Views: 1851

  • Make A Condom Bouquet This Valentine’s Day!


    Nothing says, “Let’s fuck” like a bouquet of condoms

    Buying a bouquet of flowers is a Valentine’s Day staple, but since no one buys flowers for any occasion other than Valentine’s Day or funerals, it’s tough to know which flowers to buy especially because flowers all have different meanings.

    Just look at roses! Every single color of rose has its own meaning. A single red rose means, “I love you.” Pink roses mean, “Thank you.” Yellow roses mean, “Joy.”

    Since a new study by showed us earlier this week that two-thirds of men and 30 percent of women would rather have hot, passionate sex on Valentine’s Day rather than get a gift, you need a bouquet of flowers that say, “Let’s Fuck.” And nothing says, “Let’s Fuck” like a bouquet of condoms.

    All you need is green pipe cleaners, colored tape, condoms, and this demo video on how to make a bouquet of condoms:

    Giving your sweetheart a bouquet of condoms will not only impress your significant other (because everyone loves a homemade gift) but you’ll also be well prepared for the marathon of hot, passionate sex you’re about to have.

    Just two things to remember.

    #1. Make sure the condom hasn’t ripped or been punctured in the construction process before you use it.

    #2. Think of me when you’re reaching for a condom from the bouquet and having the best Valentine’s Day sex of your life.

    Happy Valentine’s Day everyone!

    February 13, 2014 • Sex & Dating Tips • Views: 688

  • Valentine’s Day Advice From Adult Stars

    Valentine's Day advice you can trust

    Valentine’s Day advice you can trust

    Isn’t Valentine’s Day just the worst?

    Every year we’re forced to pull ourselves out of our seasonal affective disorder-slumps and do something romantic the one (or ones) we love. It sounds nice in theory, but doing something romantic is mostly just second-guessing yourself and stressing. Any idea you have will always end up being too cheesy, too obvious, too sleazy, too selfish, etc.

    What the heck are you supposed to do?

    Lucky for us, CraveOnline went down to AVN to ask adult superstars Sophie Dee, Jessa Rhodes, Teagan Presley, Tanya Tate, and more for Valentine’s Day advice. Who knows more about sex, seduction, and romance than your favorite pornstars? If you don’t think pornstars are experts on sex, seduction, and romance then please leave right now.

    The rest of you that know pornstars have valuable Valentine’s Day advice to give, enjoy this video!

    Ahhh pornstars. Is there any dilemma in life that can’t be solved by pornstars? I highly doubt that there is.

    Heed their words and you’re guaranteed to have a great Valentine’s Day.

    Don’t forget to take’s Super Sexy Valentine’s Day Survey!

    February 11, 2014 • Sex News • Views: 1159

  •’s Super Sexy Valentine’s Day Survey

    Hey guys. I have a question for you. Where’s the love?

    You might have heard that Valentine’s Day 2014 is this Friday (February 14th, 2014). Having seen many Valentine’s Days come and go, I’ve come to accept that Valentine’s Day is a very divisive holiday. Some people have been dying to shower their sweetheart with gifts and affection since Christmas. And in some extreme cases, couples are breaking up only to get back together after Friday so that they can skip Valentine’s Day.

    Personally, I see Valentine’s Day as a day like any other. On Valentine’s Day, I will wake up at noon, quietly get dressed, collect my things, and hope to God that the strange woman I just slept doesn’t wake up or ever call me.

    As you can see, I’m not big on the holiday. That’s why I have a bunch of questions about Valentine’s Day so that I can get a better idea of what my wonderful readers think of Valentine’s Day and how you plan to celebrate (or not).   Continue Reading

    February 10, 2014 • Polls • Views: 1168

  • + Caro’s Erotic Jewellery Contest Finalists!

    Last week, we asked you to send us the story of How You Met Your Valentine for a chance to win one of two amazing pieces of erotic jewellery courtesy of Caro’s Erotic Jewellery.

    And while we got 100’s of amazing Valentine stories, unfortunately we could only pick two finalists.

    So are you ready to read how are finalists met their Valentine’s?  Continue Reading

    February 7, 2014 • Polls • Views: 958

  • + Caro’s Erotic Jewellery: A Valentine’s Day Contest



    Valentine’s Day is fast approaching and normally that would mean it’s time to start thinking of cool, romantic gifts to give your sweetheart.

    This year, however, and Caro’s Prestige Erotic Jewellery have you covered.

    We’re giving away two pieces of Caro’s Prestige Erotic Jewellery that will ensure you have an incredible Valentine’s Day.

    Would you like to see what you could win?   Continue Reading

    January 30, 2014 • BABES, Sex News • Views: 1142

  • Top 6 Sex Toys For Valentine’s Day

    Terrible news! Valentine’s Day is coming up soon!

    That means it’s time for you to get off your butt and do something special.

    Normally people like to celebrate Valentine’s Day with a fancy dinner or a night in a penthouse suite. Or at least I think so. I don’t know.

    Continue Reading

    January 27, 2014 • TOP 10's, Toys • Views: 2752

  • Happy Steak and Blowjob Day!

    Happy Steak and Blowjob Day!

    Happy Steak and Blowjob Day!

    Did you know that today, March 14th, is Steak and Blowjob Day?

    I understand if you didn’t know because Steak and Blowjob Day is a relatively new holiday, which needs to be celebrated if it’s ever going to take off.

    So why do we celebrate Steak and Blowjob Day? Continue Reading

    March 14, 2013 • Sex News • Views: 1313

  • Christoph Waltz & The Art of Seduction

    Damn. That Christoph Waltz is smooth. Follow these three steps and enjoy being a master of seduction.

    February 14, 2013 • Sex News • Views: 334

  • Valentine’s Gift Guide (part 5) – Oral Sex

    Almost there.

    Just two days away from Valentine’s Day.

    If you haven’t gotten your sweetheart anything, I have bad news for you…

    It’s too late. You’ll never find a good present because everything’s been bought. The only thing you can do now is start thinking of times you didn’t forget Valentine’s Day as a counterpoint for the big fight you’re about to have.

    Really though, it doesn’t matter. So you missed Valentine’s Day? There will be one next year! And to make sure you don’t get sent into the doghouse next Valentine’s Day, we’ve got an amazing gift idea for you and your sweetheart.

    Oral sex enhancers!

    Continue Reading

    February 12, 2013 • Reviews, Toys • Views: 1297

  • How Users Feel About Valentine’s Day

    Valentine’s Day is just two days away, which you should know by now because we’ve been hyping up Valentine’s Day for the last couple of weeks.

    As a part of our Valentine’s Day hype-up, we ran a few polls. Because so many of you took the time to vote (which is approximately 1 second), we’d like to share the insights you’ve given us.

    We should note that most of our users are men. So when we say “ users” or “porn fans” we’re really talking about about men. However, we don’t want to exclude the small percentage of women who voted. (Ladies, make accounts and have your voice heard next time!)

    Anyways, let’s take a look at what we’ve learned about “ users” and “porn fans” feelings towards Valentine’s Day.

    Continue Reading

    February 12, 2013 • Polls, Reviews, Stuff, Toys • Views: 871

  • Vaginas cost $218 on Valentine’s Day


    International sign for Sugar Daddies

    How much is a vagina worth?

    Be careful when and where you ask that question because it could be misinterpreted as objectifying women, which you don’t want to do.

    A few months ago, Jezebel calculated that the average woman spends approximately $2,663.02 on vaginal maintenance in a year. That includes birth control, pubic grooming, toilet paper, tampons, pads, etc.

    $2,663.02 is a lot of money to spend on one area of your body. I wonder how much men spend on their penises? You can get condoms for free. Hand moisturizer can be substituted with literally any liquid. Without any investigation at all, I’m going to guess that the average man spends anywhere from $0 to $300 annually on his penis.

    But the real question is, how much money does your average man spend on a vagina?

    Continue Reading

    February 11, 2013 • Sex News • Views: 597

  • Valentine’s Day Gift Guide (part 4) – DIY Dildos

    Oh no.

    We’re less than a week from Valentine’s Day.

    The worst part about Valentine’s Day must be seeing couples do romantic things. It’s a painful reminder that you’ve never loved anyone. The only reason that you even see anyone at all is to satisfy your sexual appetite.

    But the second worst part is definitely the shopping. Shopping is hard no matter what the occasion is. But this ain’t just any occasion. It’s Valentine’s Day. If your present stinks, you could go without sex for months! Which is totally unfair, by the way.

    To save your sex life, we here at have taken it upon ourselves to provide the best possible gift suggestion this Valentine’s Day. That’s why we’re back with the fourth installment of’s Valentine’s Day Gift Guide.

    Continue Reading

    February 8, 2013 • Reviews, Toys • Views: 1320

  • Valentine’s Day Gift Guide (part 3) – Fake Girlfriends

    It is now officially Valentine’s Day shopping crunch time.

    Football has ended.

    Part 1 and Part 2 of’s Valentine’s Day Gift Guide have been online for almost a week.

    You have no more excuses. You have all the tools to make Valentine’s Day great.

    I’m sure a lot of you are single and couldn’t care less about celebrating Valentine’s Day or shopping for Valentine’s Day because the holiday is a reminder that you will be alone forever.

    Well, in Part 3 of’s Valentine’s Day Gift Guide, we’ve found the perfect gift for all the singles in the world…

    Continue Reading

    February 4, 2013 • Reviews, Toys • Views: 756

  • Valentine’s Day Gift Guide (part 2) – Chocolate Portrait

    Valentine’s Day is coming up.

    You’re all like, “What? No it’s not, Valentine’s Day is in February. It’s still January.”

    Well, maybe you should open a calendar, Jack. Because it’s pretty much February and once we hit February 1st, St. Valentine and Cupid are going to put a fucking gun to your fucking head and tell you to do something romantic for your sweetheart.

    Being held up at gunpoint by a saint and a cherub isn’t such a big deal though. The secret to getting out of this jam is “preparedness”. And what could possibly prepare you better than’s Valentine’s Day Gift Guide (part 2)?

    In Part 1, we found the perfect gift to encourage couples to have sex and make art. Now let’s see what part 2 has in store for us…

    Continue Reading

    January 31, 2013 • Reviews, Toys • Views: 383

  • Valentine’s Day Gift Guide (part 1) – Sex Art Kit

    But anyone who has tried to go shopping for their special someone on Valentine’s day knows that Valentine’s Day is really a holiday where you walk around the mall developing an ulcer and then you go to dinner empty-handed and your wife hands you divorce papers.

    Finding that perfect gift for your wife, girlfriend, mistress, crush, or favorite prostitute is never easy. The same is true for finding that perfect gift for your husband, boyfriend, boy toy, man-crush, or favorite gigolo (no sexism on this blog). Since we made sure you had the perfect Christmas with our Christmas Gift Guide, we knew we would have to bail you out again for Valentine’s Day.

    So let’s rip open this big heart shaped box of chocolates that is’s Valentine’s Day Gift Guide (part 1) and shovel it down our throats.

    Continue Reading

    January 29, 2013 • Reviews, Toys • Views: 570

  • Valentine’s Day poll extravaganza

    Cupid graphicsfairyred

    Cupid officially endorses

    I’m sorry to say that it’s that time of year again.

    We’ve barely recovered from our Christmas/New Year’s holiday bender and now Valentine’s Day is just around the corner. Yes, it’s that wonderful time of year where we are forced to buy discount chocolate, crappy cards, and lie through our teeth when we tell some poor sucker that we “love” them.

    Frankly, we don’t care much for Valentine’s Day. With such a talented cast, director Garry Marshall could have done a lot more with the movie (we think). As for the holiday itself, don’t even get us started on our problems with Valentine’s Day.

    Instead of a long-winded rant about Valentine’s Day (which may or may not be coming soon to The Blog), we’d much rather know more about your feelings by having you answer a bunch of questions.

    So please, be honest and vote in our Valentine’s Day poll extravaganza:

    Continue Reading

    January 29, 2013 • Polls • Views: 326