If there’s one song I love, it’s Amish Paradise by Coolio. I never thought that a mainstream rapper could make a song about being an Amish person believably, but here we are. Coolio is the most gangster Amish person of all time. Check out this video for Amish Paradise, Coolio’s biggest hit and one of the greatest and most influential songs in the pantheon of popular music:
OK, OK. I was just kidding. I know that song is by the greatest man to ever live, Weird Al Yankovic. I was simply trying to capitalize on the insane amount of buzz surrounding his most recent album. Since when is Weird Al Yankovic the most famous and popular musician of all time anyways? But back to Coolio, for real.
TMZ reports that Coolio is putting out a new video, called “Take it to the Hub.” This will be Coolio’s first song since 2009 – even then, nobody knew he was still putting out music. In 2014? Shit’s crazy. Coolio totally looked like he was going to be one of the next big rappers when he put out Gangster’s Paradise in the 90s. It’s an awesome song. But he could never really capitalize on the fame the hit brought him, and he faded out into obscurity pretty quick.
You know dude has fallen off for a couple of reasons:
a) He’s 50.
b) He’s never had a hit since the early 90s, yet has continued to put out music. Nobody can speak to how good his later music is because nobody has ever listened to it.
c) His new video is launching exclusively on Pornhub.
It’s actually not a bad marketing method. Lots of people go to Pornhub. But they go to watch porn, not to watch rap videos. I imagine furiously masturbating to porn videos and then all of a sudden, BAM, 50-year-old Coolio’s greasy mug is all up on my screen and my penis turns into a shrivelled pistachio in like 0.0000005 seconds.
Anyway, here’s a teaser trailer for his new video, brought to you by TMZ:
What do you think about Coolio’s marketing efforts? Could get him a bit of buzz, I suppose, but I don’t see it translating into any form of sustained success. More importantly – why didn’t he approach Sex.com?
Let me leave you with this little bit of advice, direct from Coolio. If ever you’re feeling down about your own prospects or career or life, just remember these lyrics and recite them in your head meditatively. Everything will be all right. Serenity now. And I quote, from Coolio:
As I walk through the valley where I harvest my grain I take a look at my wife and realize she’s very plain But that’s just perfect for an Amish like me You know, I shun fancy things like electricity At 4:30 in the morning I’m milkin’ cows Jebediah feeds the chickens and Jacob plows… fool And I’ve been milkin’ and plowin’ so long that Even Ezekiel thinks that my mind is gone I’m a man of the land, I’m into discipline Got a Bible in my hand and a beard on my chin But if I finish all of my chores and you finish thine Then tonight we’re gonna party like it’s 1699
Have you ever wanted to watch a video where strangers undress each other?
A couple of months ago, a video surfaced and quickly became a viral sensation – the video depicted supposed strangers meeting for the first time and being asked to kiss each other. People had problems with the video. For one, most of the people in the video were attractive and young. Second, most of them were actors or performers. These factors didn’t stop the video from catching a lot of momentum however, and almost nobody denied that, even with the caveats, it was pretty hot to watch strangers smooching.
Well, now there’s a new edition of the video from the same director, Tatia Pilieva and things have gotten slightly steamier. In this edition, ‘total strangers’ were asked to awkwardly undress each other and hop into bed together. The same issues still apply to this video: everyone is physically attractive, and everyone probably has some experience on camera, but it’s still a cool video.
As I’ve said many times before, I always knew that the general population had massive misconceptions about sex, but I never knew just how it was until I started writing sex advice for Sex.com.
Every day, I get thousands of emails from people (almost all men) desperate to find out what they’re doing wrong. Except 99% of the time, there’s nothing wrong with what they’re doing. The problem is that they’ve been taught sex myths and then unfortunately judge their own sex lives and sexual performance on these sex myths.
A common question our male readers like ask me is, “How do I last longer in bed? It only took me 30 minutes to cum the last time I had sex and I’ve never been more embarrassed in my life. I’m so ashamed that I might never have sex again. Can you help me with my premature ejaculation problem?”
OK, maybe I’m exaggerating just a tiny bit, but most men write to me thinking that lasting a half an hour in bed is unusual. Truth is, thirty minutes is a long time to last in bed. The average ideal duration of sex is said to be anywhere from seven to fifteen minutes. Also, it’s important for me to point out that premature ejaculation has no universal time constraint. Premature ejaculation is all about perception. If you cum all of a sudden at 5 minutes or 25 minutes without warning, then that’s what constitutes premature ejaculation.
Even worse are those of you who think that you’re masters of sex when really you’re just perpetuating sex myths and no one has the heart to tell you that what you’re doing is totally wrong.
Why are sex myths so pervasive? Why does nobody know the real facts about sex? Because even in this day and age, when you can find local singles to have sex with through a few swipes of an app, talking about sex is still taboo. And that’s a damn shame.
To help those of you who have had their confidence and self-esteem shattered by sex myths and for those of you living in blissful ignorance because all you know are the sex myths and not the facts, Mental Floss partnered with professor of pediatrics at Indiana University’s School of Medicine and author of Don’t Put That In ThereDr. Aaron Carroll to debunk 20 of the most common sex myths. Continue Reading
How many times have you been watching porn in your room with all the lights off and thought to yourself, “These headphones just aren’t making the cut”?
It must be in the high millions, right? Well, there’s good news. Sex toy manufacturer Lovepalz has just announced that they have designed a new kind of headphone to enhance your porn watching experience!
Since this is the internet, you have every right to highly skeptical of Lovepalz’s new porn-centric headphones. So allow me to explain what they’re all about.
Lovepalz’s Ladobi earphones are supposedly designed to put more emphasis on voice rather than sounds. They are said to make male voices rounder and fuller and female voices sound more pleasing and sharp.
How? The Ladobi earphones are a six-channel surround sound earphones, meaning 360 degree sound, and a frequency range of 15 HZ-22 KHZ. The idea is that the sound is so immersive that it will give users the feeling they are right there on the set. At least, that’s what I think it means. I’ll admit that I don’t understand this technical mumbo-jumbo but I am intrigued by the idea of headphones designed specifically for watching porn.
Personally, I’m a big believer in aural arousal. That means that you’re turned on by sounds.
STEP 8: See how you can last masturbating to the video with the sound on.
Now, which was better?
Of course, there’s no wrong way to watch porn. Some of you may hate the moans and groans and smacking of skin on skin. Meanwhile, there are some of you that probably can’t even get it up without the sound. Whatever works for you is the correct way to watch porn.
However, for those of you who have realized the importance of sound in porn through my little experiment, I’ll just tell you that Lovepalz’s Ladobi porn-centric earphones cost $39.99 and only 1,000 pairs have been made.
You can pre-order them now and get yourself a free shipping and $15 coupon.
Belle Knox, the Duke University porn star that suddenly became the face of the adult industry, may have offended more than just the sexophobic, stuck-up nerds at Duke and all over America. She has also managed to piss off the industry she represents as new allegations show that she’s not the enthusiastic porn star she claims to be. Continue Reading
In this episode, Tasha finds out where the fans in Las Vegas would shoot their load if they had to could choose any spot on a woman’s body. Personally, I love the question but it makes me sad to admit that I would probably just cum in my pants if it were ever asked directly to me.
Make sure to visit TashaReign.com either before or after this episode.
Now on to the show!
In case you missed it, watch episode 1 of the Tasha Reign Showhere.
PS. Tasha Reign is a very busy young lady, so if you like the Tasha Reign and you’d like to see more, show your support in the comments!
More Tasha Reign Show coming this week so stay tuned!
Remember last week when the world found out that Thamsanqa Jantjie, the sign language interpreter from Nelson Mandela’s Memorial, was a total fraud and just faking sign language in front of the entire world?
Obviously it was a huge embarrassment and totally weird, but at least this controversy got our friends from Sssh.com thinking about porn for the deaf. Sure, the most important part of porn is seeing the nudity and penetration but porn is always better with audio.
So to help out the deaf community,Sssh.comadded some sign language to the opening of their movie Honey, I Shagged The Plumber starring the amazing Ashley Fires. Watch porn for the deaf, right now!
Can someone teach me how to sign, “Ashley Fires, I need you on top of me right now.”? Not that Ashley Fires is deaf, but I assume that if I’m ever around her, her sexiness will cause me to go deaf and I won’t be able to speak.
Thank you Sssh.comfor providing us all with porn for the deaf.
Richelle Ryan isn’t just an Italian-American pornstar whose passion for sex shines through in every single picture and video she’s in, she’s also one of the most amazing feature dancer you’ll ever see! AND THAT BOOTY. Makes say, “Oh my…” every time I see it.
I’ve always been a big fan of Richelle’s and I’m thrilled that she made the time to come talk to us about crazy sex, the New York Giants, and other cool stuff.
Enjoy the Richelle Ryan interview!
- Sorry I have to ask this right away. I saw on your Twitter that you once blew 5 Marines on a party bus with a midget stripper? How did that ever happen?
I was down in Florida for the weekend shooting for Bang Bros and went out 1 night to meet up with some of my friends and we went to a titty bar, started drinking and I of course started flirting with 1 of the marines and next thing I knew I dared them to all line up, drop their pants and let me work my way down the line and blow them all.
The midget was a stripper who worked at the club and even funnier was she wanted me to snowball all the cum to her so she could swallow it hahahaha. Continue Reading
Speaking of toned, muscular curves, I’d like to introduce you to Ms Brittany Renner. She’s a fitness coach, which explains why she has one of the most incredible bodies of all time. Thankfully, Brittany was nice enough to film her workout routine for WorldStarHipHop, which of course means it’s less of a workout video and more of an HD ode to Brittany’s big booty and hot, toned body.
Let’s watch it right now!
I realize I already asked this question in the title of this post, but can we please get Brittany Renner’s hot body an award?
I’ve often said that I want to die while having motorcycle sex. How could I go on living after accomplishing the greatest thing in the world?
Unfortunately, a couple in Russia has one-upped my dream of motorcycle sex before I even got the chance to ride a motorcycle. They were spotted having sex on a motorcycle while driving down the highway in broad daylight.
So not only did they have motorcycle sex, they had sex in public, they were watched, and they were in an extremely dangerous position.
The best part about it is that it was all caught on video. Let’s watch a Russian couple have motorcycle sex:
(The sex starts at about 48 seconds in)
How did that car know to pick her up?
This is the most impressive amateur sex video ever.
If only the dude on the motorcycle was wearing a Go-Pro, then we’d be in business.
If you’ve ever had real sex before, you know that it’s actually quite different from porn sex.
I’ve never been able to put my finger on it because I mostly have real sex with aspiring pornstars, which ultimately ends up looking more like porn sex anyways because these aspiring pornstars end up treating the real sex like a porn audition. I try to tell them that I hold no clout whatsoever, but it never seems to work.
Most people don’t have porn sex. I hate to break it to you but very rarely do regular people include casual anal sex, facials, and other stuff you only really see in porn sex. But if only we knew the differences between real sex and porn sex.
Thankfully, the good people of KB Creative Lab crunched the numbers and they determined the differences between real sex and porn sex. Unfortunately for perverts like us, they don’t use any explicit material in their explanation. They used food to explain the differences between real sex and porn sex.
So it turns out that real sex is pretty boring compared to porn sex.
Not that there’s anything wrong with that. Real sex feels real good. Porn sex is just the audio and visual representation of real sex, which probably explains why it’s more extreme than real sex. It needs to over-compensate for the lack of sensation and intimacy.
If there’s one thing that Chris Nieratkobelieves in, it’s the healing power of laughter.
No topic is off limits for skateboarding and pornography’s favorite son.
That’s why when Oklahoma was hit hard with tornadoes, Christ Nieratkoflew down to Fort Lauderdale, Florida to find out what sex acts some of the adult industry’s top pornstars would be willing to donate to the victims of this horrible tragedy.
Based on what these pornstars would be willing to do for the victims, they really are the greatest humanitarians of us all.
Remember that photo gallery that went viral a few months ago that showed a lot of different pornstars with and without their make up on? I believe it was called Pornstars Without Makeup.
Some people really liked Pornstars Without Makeup because it put a real woman’s face on a pornstar, because to these porn hating freaks pornstars are only sexual objects. Bunch of dickheads.
Other people hated the before and after pictures because it made them realize that porn isn’t real, but just a wonderful fantasy. Bunch of dickheads.
No matter how you felt about Pornstars Without Makeup, there’s a new 10 minute documentary that talks to makeup artist Melissa Murphy about her intentions behind the photos, the reaction to the photos, and just what it’s like to work in porn. Plus you get to see Sophie Dee’s boobs and Veruca James nude.Continue Reading
Around this time last year, you couldn’t go on to Sex.com without seeing one of X-art’s most popular model, porn actress Tiffany Thompson.
Tiffany Thompson‘s sexy pictures, videos, and GIFs were always being pinned, repinned, and was some of the most popular content on our site plus many other free porn sites. Internet porn had Tiffany Thompson fever.
Slowly but surely, Tiffany Thompson‘s pictures, videos, and GIFs stranglehold on Sex.com and its loyal users loosened. She was still as sexy as ever but there was simply no new content of her. Had she disappeared like Nicole Ray, Ashlyn Rae, and Lexi Bloom?
Well, that’s what we’re going to find out right now.
A few weeks ago, we (with the help of Mr. Pink) decided to find an answer to a question that had been plaguing us for several years: Where is Nicole Ray?
All we could determine was that Nicole Ray had left the adult industry some time ago and all we were left with was a bunch of hot sex videos and sex pictures. Even though the results were pretty inconclusive, it was still worth trying to answer that question. Plus we got to re-watch our favorite Nicole Ray scenes.
Now, every Tuesday we will be trying to find out the whereabouts of your favorite ex-pornstars. What are they up to now? Why did they leave the business?
Last Tuesday we checked in with everyone’s favorite petite redhead Ashlyn Rae and today, at the request of one our loyal fans named Cunt Hands, we’re going find out whatever happened to Lexi Bloom. Continue Reading
The Sex.com Blog is the only porn blog that offers you free porn, sex tips and the latest sex news and adult industry news. Where else can you find free porn videos, pictures and GIFs of the hottest pornstars and while learning how to become a world-renowned love machine from reading our exclusive X-rated sex tips? No where, that's where! Besides here. If you like sex tips, sex news, sex toys and a whole lot of porn, then Sex.com's premier sex blog, the Sex.com Blog is exactly what you're looking for.