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The basics of BDSM

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A Swedish man is now standing trial for murder after he killed his German girlfriend while playing a Fifty Shades of Grey-inspired master and sex slave game. Not cool.

After hearing about this horrible tragedy, we thought it would be a good idea to remind everyone the basics of BDSM in hopes of preventing any sex related injury or God forbid death.

So let’s review the basics of BDSM.

 The basics of BDSM

Bite the whip

TALK TO YOUR PARTNER

Always have the full consent of your partner before you get into BDSM. Surprise BDSM does not work. It will most likely scare off your partner. Taking the time to explain why you want to explore BDSM will help you properly realize your fantasy. Not to mention you’ll need to clarify whether you’re into bondage, sado-masochism, etc. There are huge differences between them and clarity between partners is key.

If there’s something discussed that you’re not comfortable with, it’s ok to say no. It’s encouraged to say no.

 

START SLOW

BDSM is an acronym that encompasses a lot of stuff. Before you buy every nipple clamp, paddle, whip, ball-gag, blindfold, and bonds, ease into the kinkier side of sex by introducing something small to your sex routine. Try just blindfolds or just handcuffs. Nothing aggressive until you’re comfortable enough to move forward.

When you are ready to move forward, make sure you do some research. You don’t need to be an expert but there is a huge BDSM community that exists around the world. If you’re enjoying yourself, why not take a class, ask questions on message boards or reddit, go to party, anything that will introduce you to the community. They understand your curiosity and they are more than willing to help.

You should also do research by trying different roles. If you want to be the dominant one, make sure you participate at least once as a submissive to know your own limits in that role. It will help gain perspective for future sessions.

 

SAFE WORDS

Always make sure that a safe word is established whenever you’re trying something kinky. Yes and no, though straight to the point, aren’t always the most effective when the intensity’s high. This is especially true when you’re being dominated and told to beg.

BDSM is really all about theatricality. Sessions are commonly referred to as “scenes” in the BDSM community. It’s important to choose a safe word that will break the scene’s illusion. Pick a word that’s a complete turn-off so that if you’re feeling unsafe, your partner will come out of the scene and assist you. This is the golden rule for the BDSM community. If anyone ever utters the safe word, you end whatever you’re doing because otherwise someone could get hurt. And that’s exactly what we want to avoid.

Another good rule of thumb, “stop” always means stop unless you and your partner agree otherwise before the scene.

 

PLAY SAFE

Beyond the safe word, it’s never a bad idea to check-in with your partner to see how they’re doing. Safety won’t ruin a scene, it will only enhance as it continues. Anything can happen so make sure that you can quickly release your partner from their bonds if there’s an emergency.

Also, just because it’s kinky sex doesn’t mean it has to be unsafe sex.

 

DON’T DO ANYTHING COSMO TELLS YOU.

At the height of the BDSM craze this summer, Cosmopolitan Magazine ran 52 sex tips inspired by Fifty Shades of Grey and as The Nerve pointed out, they’re all horrendous. For what not to do, check out The Nerve’s 17 Shades of Stupid: Cosmo’s Worst BDSM Tips

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I have to wear my glasses when I go to the theater. If you want to reach me directly, email me at chicodustyblog@gmail.com, add me to your circles on Google+ or Tweet at me on Twitter.

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