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The Price of Owning a Penis

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Earlier this week, we found out that the average woman spends approximately $2,663.02 on her vagina every year. Learning how much vaginas cost made us wonder, how much do men spend on penis maintenance annually?

Our initial guess was anywhere from $0 to $300. But that was just a guess. Now, we’re happy to announce that we’ve figured out how much you might be spending on your penis. And it’s shocking…

tumblr mf19beKnWB1rs2jpso1 400 The Price of Owning a Penis

Vajazzling for Men is very expensive.

Condoms

Condoms are the single most important thing when it comes to penis maintenance. The last thing you want your penis to do to is drip strange fluid or be covered in little warts. The average American male has sex 84 times a year. Assuming that every time the average male uses a condom every time he has sex, he’s using just a little bit more than two boxes worth of condoms, which totals $50 to $60 on condoms annually.

Soap

Everyone knows that the secret to having more sex is good hygiene. If anyone is going to put your penis inside of them, they’re going to check and make sure it’s been properly cleaned. That’s why you have to buy soap, for proper penis hygiene. The average person buys two bars of soap a year (which seems like not enough) which will run them a total of $9 each year.

Pubic grooming

Every man’s different. Especially when it comes to styling their pubic hair. Some men like to go Au-natural, others like to be completely bald. One thing that all men (and women) can agree on is that hair all up and down the shaft is no good. If you live in SoHo, you could spend $85 on a bikini wax for men. But if you live anywhere else in the world chances are you’re trimming dry and shaving wet. A pair of scissors shouldn’t cost more than $15 and a five pack of disposable razors just for your pubes can be acquired for under $20. Assuming a man grooms once a month, at most they’d be spending just over $60 keep their penis area well groomed.

Jockstrap

Though the penis can withstand vicious stroking, sucking, riding, and grinding, it does not deal with impact well. That’s why every man should wear a jockstrap. Always when playing sport but also sometimes when you’re just out an about. You can never be too careful when you’re penis’s integrity is at stake. And because the jockstrap is very susceptible to smelling like balls (I wonder why?) it’s not a bad idea to buy a new jockstrap every year. It’s only $24.99 and it’s worth it. Trust me.

*As far as we could tell, there are no other essentials to penis maintenance. But if we missed something feel free to let us know!
 

In total, the average male at the most only spends approximately $153.99 on proper penis maintenance in a year. That’s only 6% of what women need to spend on their vaginas.

However, there are a ton of variables for these costs. Condoms can be acquired for free if you know where to go. Uncircumcised men could be spending more on soap because they have terrible smegma problems to deal with. Some men don’t buy their own soap or jockstraps! In other words, men spend anywhere from $0 to $153.99 annually on their penises.

It’s clear that males are blessed with easy to use genitalia. Spending $153.99 a year on your penis is nothing.

Guys, isn’t time that your penis got a little pampering? If you feel the need to spend a little bit more on your penis, check out some of these options:

Penis Pumps

Penis pumps create a vacuum around the penis, which engorges it with blood. This gives you a harder and longer erection. The price can range anywhere from $15.00 to $349.99. Just make sure your penis pump is made in Sweden.

Cock rings

Cock rings are a great way to enhance sex and they add much needed flair to your penis.  They can help you last longer, keep you harder, and satisfy your lover. Some are shaped to stimulate the balls and perinum, not to mention the clitoris or anal area of your lover, and others are meant to harness your package and look amazing at the same time. Cock rings cost between $5.75 and $200.

Piercings

I don’t care what your partner may have told you, penises all look pretty much the same. Why not add some much needed flair to your penis by getting it pierced? It’s called a Prince Albert and it was popularized by Jim Ward in the 1970s. Make your penis a memorable penis by getting a Prince Albert. Prices will vary depending on where you go but expect to pay at least $50 plus the cost of the jewelry that’s being put in.

(We also recommend tattooing your penis but as far as we could tell, you have to know a tattoo artist to get that done.)

Male Masturbators

Using your hand is simply not good enough anymore given the fact that there are tons of synthetic vaginas, lips, and buttholes for your penis to explore. If you and your penis are ready to experience 21st century masturbation, you better have $70 handy.

 

These are a just a few ideas for you to try. Frankly, there are plenty of things that you can buy for your penis. And since you’re tugging at it all the time, isn’t it time you did something nice and splurged on your penis?

If you have any suggestions for penis accessories, please leave us a comment!

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I have to wear my glasses when I go to the theater. If you want to reach me directly, email me at chicodustyblog@gmail.com, add me to your circles on Google+ or Tweet at me on Twitter.

Comments

  • Bugman

    The price of owning a penis is much higher than listed. In a relentless hunt for vagina, a penis spends thousands of dollars on dinner, drinks, entertainment, and other ritual costs. Ask a penis if he has every gone to a hetero club, spent $0.00, and bagged a vagina.

  • http://www.sex.com Chico Dusty

    You’re absolutely right. We chose to omit that and focus on daily wear and tear though because there are just too many variables when you factor in the spending on partners. We’re not so good at math (as you can already tell) so rather than get too messy we kept it as is.

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  • bathmate

    We made the world’s first penis enlargement video to prove you can gain a bigger penis.

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  • Hardy

    My penis is too short in size.how can I increase its size?

  • http://www.sex.com/news/ Chico Dusty

    Your penis is not too short.