Captain America: The Winter Soldier comes out today. Chances are you already knew it was coming out because ads for the movie have literally been everywhere and Marvel fanboys have been cumming-in-their-pants excited, which means they won’t STFU about it.
I will not be seeing Captain America: The Winter Soldier because I ain’t no GD nerd and it was directed by the duo who previously dropped a horrendous turd of a movie on the world known as You, Me, and Dupree
If I have no plans to see Captain America: The Winter Soldier then why am I recommending you to spend your hard-earned money on movie tickets? Well, to be honest, the only reason I’m recommending you see it is because I’d like to send this blog post to Marvel Studios and say, “Yo. I helped y’all make all that money at the box office, so gimme me a slice of that pie.” Yum…money-pie…so delicious…
So here now are the Top 10 Reasons To See Captain America: The Winter Soldier.
10. Cobie Smulders is hot.
9. You’ll be able to discuss your thoughts of the movie with pornstar and cosplay queen Tanya Tate on Twitter
8. Cobie Smulders is pretty hot.
7. Scarlett Johansson looks great as a redhead.
6. Scarlett Johansson will probably be wearing a skin-tight costume the entire movie
5. If it sucks, memorize these pictures and use it to help you picture Scarlett Johansson nude
4. Hayley Atwell is hot.
3. Seriously, Hayley Atwell is very hot. Watch Hayley Atwell’s sex scene from The Pillars of Earth.
2. Promoting a Marvel Studios movie will probably make me very rich.
1. Actually, forget it. Don’t see Captain America: The Winter Soldier. Just look at bouncing ass GIFs all weekend: