There’s more to Halloween than candy and slutty costumes.
You’re not celebrating Halloween to the fullest if you’re not scaring yourself.
I’m a “kill two birds with one stone”-kind of guy. So this Halloween, why not kill two birds with one stone by having sex somewhere scary? Might as well scare yourself while doing the thing you love most. Makes sense to me!
To help you have some scary Halloween sex, here now are the TOP 10 Scariest Places To Have Halloween Sex.
10. Pumpkin patch
A pumpkin patch might not seem like a scary place to have Halloween sex, but that’s only if the Great Pumpkin doesn’t show up and eat you for being naughty.
9. Ancient Egyptian Wing of your local museum
While these ancient artifacts may be fascinating during the day…come night fall who knows what dark magic lies within these antiquities ready to ruin your sex. Not to mention, if you’re caught breaking in to a museum to have sex, you’re probably going to face some serious jail time, which is pretty scary in itself.
8. Hedge Mazes
Hedge mazes are normally a perfect place for plubic sex. However, on Halloween night, you have no idea what kind of axe wielding maniac you’ll run in to if you take the wrong turn.
7. Abandoned Amusement Park
Just because all those sexy teens were mysteriously beheaded at your local abandoned amusement park doesn’t mean you shouldn’t sneak in and have sex on one of the abandoned rides…does it?
6. Abandoned Summer Camp
Just because all those sexy teens died mysteriously a few summers ago doesn’t mean that maniac killer that terrorized the camp, forcing it to close down is still lurking in the nearby woods…does it?
5. Haunted House
Obviously having sex in a haunted house would be super spooky. But as you can see from the Stoya video above from her porn movie My Haunted House, having sex in a haunted house is just plain awesome. The only thing scary about Stoya having sex in a haunted house is how hot it is.
I don’t know about you but The Descent scared the crap out of me. Ain’t no way I’m going in some creepy ass cave. No way. Not even to have sex with Alyssa Arce.
3. In a coffin
Note: All the pictures of sexy coffins were terrible, but you get the idea, right? Bonnie Rotten as a sexy vampire works just fine
Just imagine you’re having sex in a coffin and suddenly it slams shut and you’re trapped. SCARY.
There’s nothing scarier than trying to have sex in a room full of frozen, embalmed bodies. Just watch out for anything that moves. You might be in real trouble.
If cemetery’s don’t already give you the willies, try having sex in one. There’s more people watching you than just that perverted old groundskeeper.
While sex in a cemetery is very spooky, it’s also your best chance to have sex with a ghost. Case in point, MacGruber:
Hope y’all have a real sexy Halloween having sex in all these scary places!