The 86th Academy Awards are this Sunday! Are you excited?
There’s nothing I like more than tuning in to watch all of Hollywood come together in a glamorous evening to jerk each other off for what feels like an eternity only to cum all over us regular folk.
The Oscars actually suck. They totally brainwash people. I’ve honestly heard people say, “I didn’t like that movie, but it won an Oscar so it must be good.” What? No. If you didn’t like it, that’s fine. You’re allowed to dislike movies that won Oscars. Unless you can put it on your resume, winning an Oscar don’t mean a damn thing.
But I will admit that some very sexy women have won the Oscar for Best Actress. So in the spirit of the Oscars, let’s check out the Top 10 Sexiest Best Actress Winners of All Time.
10. Meryl Streep
Meryl Streep had to be on the list of Top 10 Sexiest Best Actress Winners of All Time. Though she’s only won two Best Actress Oscars, she’s been nominated for the award 15 times. I would definitely say that makes her one of the best actresses of all time. Who cares whether she won or not?
Meryl Streep comes 10th on this list simply because she is the most obvious choice. Personally, I think 1980’s Meryl Streep is history’s most beautiful woman, and she continues to be incredibly sexy at the age of 64.
9. Sophia Loren
Curvy Italian babe? YES PLEASE.
Sophia Loren wasn’t considered anything more than just a sex symbol until her performance as Cesira in Two Women won her a Best Actress Oscar.
I wonder if anyone reading this has ever even heard of Sophia Loren?
8. Natalie Portman
I never saw Black Swan in its entirety. In fact, now that I think about it…I think I’ve only ever seen the lesbian sex scenes from Black Swan in GIF-form.
So I don’t know if Natalie Portman deserved to win an award for her performance. I do believe that she deserves an award for having a career post-Star Wars prequel trilogy. That is impressive!
7. Elizabeth Taylor
Just look into those eyes…
Those crystal clear blue eyes…
Uh oh…I’m falling under the ghost of Elizabeth Taylor’s spell!
6. Jane Fonda
Did you really think Barbarella wasn’t going to make the list?
Come on now.
5. Halle Berry
Guys. What happened to Halle Berry?
She was only in one movie this year called The Call and it looks super shitty.
How did a lady this sexy and talented drop off so hard after winning an Oscar for Monster’s Ball?
4. Marion Cotillard
I’m a sucker for French women.
Even if Marion Cotillard didn’t win a Best Actress Oscar for her performance as Edith Piaf in La Vie En Rose, I probably would have put her on the list anyways and said, “Yo, she should have won.”
3. Kate Winslet
Kate Winslet reminds me of a Meryl Streep that prefers to do movies where she gets nude for almost no reason at all.
What’s not to like?
2. Grace Kelly
Charlize Theron is the world’s sexiest woman. Period.
So there they are! The Top 10 Sexiest Best Actress Oscar Winners of All Time!
If you disagree, please feel free to pick a fight with me in the comments.
And don’t forget! The 86th Hollywood Circle Jerk Academy Awards are this Sunday, so make sure you tune in if you want the Hollywood elite to cum all over your face.
Marisa Tomei won an Oscar for Best Supporting Actress in 1992 allegedly by “mistake”. Legend has it that Jack Palance couldn’t read the name written in the envelope and called Marisa Tomei up because she was the last name read on the teleprompter.
Whether she deserved to win or not is totally irrelevant because Marisa Tomei is a total babe, always has been, and deserves to be on this list of sexy all-timers.
So let’s take moment to appreciate Marisa Tomei’s consistent sex appeal over the years and lament the fact that she never won an Oscar for Best Actress, thereby making this list feel totally incomplete. Good thing for b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-b-bonuses.