Today is Black Friday, the only day of the year where it’s socially acceptable to trample and beat people to death in order to get 50% off on some crap you’ll never use.
Depending on when you’re reading this, you’re either about to get killed by a crowd of angry shoppers or you’re already dead. Hopefully it’s the former because I have the Top 10 Tips To Surviving Black Friday. If you’ve already been killed by the rabid Black Friday shoppers, you have no use for these tips.
Are you ready to find out how you’re going to survive Black Friday? Well here’s the Top 10.
10. Wear big boots in case someone gets in your way
9. Go in groups of three or more. There’s strength in numbers.
8. Smile! Nothing disarms an angry mob like a smile!
7. Wear a sexy costume to confuse and arouse the angry mob
6. Flash your tits when necessary
5. If your tits don’t work, flash your gash
4. Get drunk before hand so inhibitions are lowered
3. Take prisoners
2. Oil yourself up so it’s easier to squeeze through the crowd