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Unsexy Thoughts To Prevent Premature Ejaculation

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Screen Shot 2013 10 11 at 12.34.17 PM Unsexy Thoughts To Prevent Premature Ejaculation

Think unsexy thoughts. Think unsexy thoughts.

As a professional sex blogger and minor internet celebrity, everyone is always coming up to me and asking if I’ll sign their breasts and give them a sex tip.

99% of the time I look at them and say, “What makes you think you can talk to me?” And then I throw my martini in their face. It’s not that I want to do it, I’m just trying to get on TMZ.

Yesterday, a fan approached me and said, “Do you still have any of that penis numbing spray? I suffer from premature ejaculations and I feel inadequate in bed with my girlfriend because of it.”

I could see that he was desperate, so rather than throw my martini in his face, I ordered him a martini and asked that he would join me so that we could find another solution.

I understand the humiliation that men feel when they ejaculate prematurely, but penis numbing spray isn’t the answer. Just read Penis Numbing Spray Revisited to see why it’s a bad idea.

The first thing I asked the fan was, “Do you think it would help if I had sex with your girlfriend?” For some reason he failed to understand how letting me have sex with his girlfriend would help his premature ejaculation problem. Whatever. It’s his loss. And, if I may, her loss too.

So then I asked him, “Have you tried concentrating on unsexy thoughts?” Premature ejaculation is mostly a mental problem. Not always, but mostly.

Chances are if you suffer from premature ejaculation, it’s always on your mind when your in bed. This anxiety only makes things worse. Even if it’s not on your mind, you might have trouble lasting based on the things you feel and see during sex. The best thing to do if you want to last in bed is think about something else.

I know it’s counter-intuitive but it’s just a way of keeping your body under control. Mind over matter.

To help you over-come your premature ejaculation without spending money on risky penis numbing sprays, I’m going to tell you the Top 10 Unsexy Thoughts to think to prevent premature ejaculation

10. Sports

3214423 sports are fun Unsexy Thoughts To Prevent Premature Ejaculation

Source: nsfwgirlz.com via FacialMess007 on Sex.com

Sports are awesome but it’s full of disappointment. Just think about when your favorite team was about to beat the Miami Heat then blew it. There’s nothing sexy about pro-athletes letting you down.

9. Surgery

919685 doctor having sex with his patientclick here to see another Unsexy Thoughts To Prevent Premature Ejaculation

Source: sexland88.tumblr.com via brendamyles on Sex.com

Blood, guts. Totally unsexy. If you find that your premature ejaculation gets worse when thinking about internal organs during sex, see a therapist immediately.

8. Chores

2196132 do laundry like this as often as you can Unsexy Thoughts To Prevent Premature Ejaculation

Source: masteraither.tumblr.com via masteraither on Sex.com

Chores are a good unsexy thought to think of because chores are so boring and there are so many of them.

7. The Alphabet

3302421 an alphabet just for us Unsexy Thoughts To Prevent Premature Ejaculation

Source: hardcore.fporn.us via ashley healy on Sex.com

There is literally nothing sexy about the alphabet. Go over it in your head and then once you get to “Z”, go over it again backwards. This not only works for beating premature ejaculation but it’s also a good way to try and sober yourself up once you realize you’re too drunk to be having sex.

6. Work

1150048 bonus for the secretaryview lovely in red Unsexy Thoughts To Prevent Premature Ejaculation

Source: sexland88.tumblr.com via brendamyles on Sex.com

Think of all those emails you haven’t read and all that paperwork you haven’t filled out and the tongue lashing you’re going to get from your boss during sex. You might get so worked up you may not even cum.

5. 9/11

september 9 11 attacks anniversary ground zero world trade center pentagon flight 93 second airplane wtc 39997 600x450 Unsexy Thoughts To Prevent Premature Ejaculation

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

9/11 isn’t sexy.

4. Politics

3778623 government shutdown gives porn industry a boost Unsexy Thoughts To Prevent Premature Ejaculation

Source: eroticscribes.com via PornForWomen on Sex.com

Those clowns in Congress are always up to something stupid. What a bunch of clowns. It doesn’t matter what your politics are, there’s always something to be mad about. Harness that frustration to overcome your premature ejaculation.

3. Star Wars

3480495 star wars hot Unsexy Thoughts To Prevent Premature Ejaculation

Source: wild-pussy.us via TeenStaff on Sex.com

This is a little bit more advanced because when you think about Star Wars during sex, Carrie Fisher dressed in that metallic bikini will appear sooner or later. Just think about Jar Jar Binks and let your anger flow through you to prevent premature ejaculation.

2. How inconsequential your life is

3805325 tripeinstein our life is composed greatly from dreams Unsexy Thoughts To Prevent Premature Ejaculation

Source: yourulz.tumblr.com via pLe0mAx on Sex.com

Think about your life. Think about the life of someone across the country. Then think the life of someone in a different part of the world.

Then think about the Earth. Then think about our solar system. Keep going until you’re thinking about the farthest known corners of the universe. Our lives may seem important and they are to the person living it. But in the grand scheme of things, your life (and mine) is totally inconsequential.

I’m not sure how the picture relates but trust me, if you start thinking about your small and insignificant you are, your premature ejaculation won’t seem like a problem.

1. Glenn Close

3817362 glenn close Unsexy Thoughts To Prevent Premature Ejaculation

Source: google.ca via bubblegumtaint on Sex.com

UGH. THE WORST!

 

So there they are! The Top 10 Unsexy Thoughts to Prevent Premature Ejaculation.

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I have to wear my glasses when I go to the theater. If you want to reach me directly, email me at cdusty@sex.com or Tweet at me on Twitter, @CDustysexblog.

Comments

  • jemmy

    gooog

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  • Cunt Hands

    This is truly your masterpiece. Well done.

  • http://www.sex.com/news/ Chico Dusty

    Thanks man. I’m very happy that men everywhere will no longer suffer from premature ejaculation thanks to 9/11 and Glenn Close.

  • JGHJ

    Premature Ejaculation is only as big of a problem as you make it.

    Women on average take way longer to cum than men; so instead of fucking like your dick is the star of your own personal porno, work up to it. Don’t just dive right in, use your mouth and hands mostly. Your tongue will never prematurely ejaculate.

    And if you do cum too quickly, don’t fucking worry about it. Get right back in there with your other options. Thinking that sex is over when YOU cum is goddamn selfish. Finish the job and you’ll both be happy!

    This goes for any hetero, gay, or any other pairing of people. Stop worrying about sex and making it a chore or an endurance test. Enjoy yourselves for pete’s sake!

  • http://www.sex.com/news/ Chico Dusty

    Exactly. Just let me have sex with your girlfriend, wife, FWB, husband or boyfriend and you’ll never worry about premature ejaculation ever again.

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  • polywan

    well, site for awesome