We saw your boobs at the Oscars

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I only saw one boob on Oscar night and his name was Seth MacFarlane.

 OSCARS!

Is there any other pluralized name in the world that could be possibly more exciting than “Oscars”?

For three hours and thirty-five minutes, we sat in suspenseful boredom to see some celebrities sing, dance, and win awards for movies we did not see.

Of course, the big story from Oscar night has nothing to do with any of the nominees or winners (other than Jennifer Lawrence because J-Law is so hot like Hansel right now). The only thing people are talking about from Oscar night is seeing boobs. Specifically, “We Saw Your Boobs”.

In case you missed it, Seth MacFarlane sang a song that listed several famous, attractive actresses and the movies where they have appeared topless. It was called, “We Saw Your Boobs”. Let’s watch it:

(Sorry about the poor quality)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7TWLKP8j0zk

Some people liked “We Saw Your Boobs”, others really didn’t like it.

Obviously, people liked the song because it’s funny and Jennifer “so hot right now” Lawrence’s reaction was priceless. I liked the boobs song because it reminded me to watch two of my favorite movies again, Mulholland Drive and Eyes Wide Shut.

The people that didn’t like it took issue with it because it was sexist, it made the actresses uncomfortable and at least four of the topless scenes referenced occurred during a rape scene. While I absolutely agree that fondly remembering a rape scene because there’s nudity is tasteless, the actresses’ reactions were pre-taped so don’t worry about Naomi Watts being uncomfortable. Was it sexist? I guess it was. Really though, what were you expecting from Seth MacFarlane? I don’t think MacFarlane is a sexist but he’s definitely not a feminist.

What concerns me about last night’s Oscars and “We Saw Your Boobs” is the logical questions that no one seems to be raising about Captain James T. Kirk’s appearance. Captain Kirk allegedly traveled back in time to warn Seth MacFarlane that he would be the worst host in Oscar history because of the “We Saw Your Boobs” song.

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Kirk/Shatner is looking pretty good these days

First of all, Kirk should have learned from previous experiences with time travel that he could not prevent MacFarlane from being history’s worst Oscar host. Star Trek has a lot of conflicting time travel rules but the important rule is that you can travel back in time, but you’ll just become part of established events.

Remember Star Trek: The Original Series season two, episode twenty-six titled “Assignment: Earth”? The Enterprise travels back in time to 1968 to do some historical research. Spock and Kirk had to stop the mysterious alien Gary Seven from launching a nuclear missile. They nearly stop Gary from launching the missile but it blows up 104 miles above the Earth just as it always did.

The exact thing happened to Kirk last night. He traveled back in time to prevent Seth MacFarlane from singing the “We Saw Your Boobs” song but ended up screening the song himself. He became a part of an established event rather than preventing anything.

Way to go, Kirk. Once again, you’ve proved that your gung-ho style of captaincy just gets you into more trouble. This thing wouldn’t have happened if Captain Picard was there to pick up the slack.

Anyways, “We Saw Your Boobs” was a song that Seth MacFarlane sang even though Captain Kirk “tried” to prevent him. That’s one weird sentence. Some people liked, some people didn’t. In a few days, we won’t even remember seeing any boobs at all.

I think the only thing for us to do is look at stills from the non-rape topless scenes referenced in Seth MacFarlane’s song. Then we can forget about the Oscars for another year.

Meryl Streep in Silkwood

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Naomi Watts in Mulholland Drive

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Angelina Jolie in Gia

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Anne Hathaway in Brokeback Mountain

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Halle Berry in Monster’s Ball

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Nicole Kidman in Eyes Wide Shut

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Marissa Tomei in The Wrestler

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Kristen Stewart in On The Road

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Helen Hunt in The Session

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Scarlett Johansson on the phone

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Penelope Cruz in Vanilla Sky

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Kate Winslet in Heavenly Creatures

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Kate Winslet in Jude

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Kate Winslet in Titanic

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Kate Winslet in The Reader

Source: xvideos.com via SCHD on Sex.com

 

There, we saw your boobs. We have now seen everyone’s boobs.