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The Weirdest Sex Laws in the USA

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3108666 happy independence day usa 8211 jennifer white The Weirdest Sex Laws in the USA

God Bless America

Is your sex life against the law?

I hope for your own sake that it’s not because anyone who gets convicted of a sexual crime goes to prison with a big bullseye on their back. Seriously, people convicted of sexual crimes are fair game to be beaten to death in prison.

You may think your sex life is perfectly legal, but iO9 painstakingly reviewed all the laws and made this map of weirdest sex laws in the United States. Please review to ensure that your sex life isn’t illegal: 

ku xlarge 1 The Weirdest Sex Laws in the USA

C’mon America. Lighten up on the sex laws. Limiting the number of dildos a person can own? That doesn’t sound like freedom to me.

Of course, this map is just a partial representation of the weird sex laws in the United States. Here’s the complete list via iO9:

Alabama

Incestuous marriages are legal.

Alaska

Moose are banned from having sex on city streets (in Fairbanks).

Arizona

You may not have more than two dildos in the same house.

Arkansas

Flirtation and “lascivious banter” between men and women on the streets may result in a 30-day jailterm. (in Little Rock.)

California

It’s illegal to sell stuffed items resembling breasts (“boobie pillows”) within 1000 feet of a highway.

No man shall dress as a woman without the written permission of the sheriff. (In Walnut, CA)

Colorado

Male massage parlor workers must wear all white clothing. (In Adams County).

Keeping a house where unmarried persons are allowed to have sex is prohibited.

Florida

Married couples (as well as singles) cannot engage in open “lewdness or lascivious behavior”

Georgia

The term “sadomasochistic abuse” is defined so broadly, that it could possibly be applied to a person handcuffing another in a clown suit.

All sex toys are banned.

Illinois

If you sell a reptile, you must give a written warning not to “nuzzle or kiss” them.

It’s prohibited by law to “suffer any bitch or slut” (referring to dogs) (in Minooka.)

Indiana

It is illegal for a man to be sexually aroused in public.

Iowa

Kisses may last for no more than five minutes.

Kansas

Illegal “sodomy” includes oral sex, but anal penetration with a finger is allowed under specified circumstances.

Kentucky

Dogs must not molest property or people.

Until 1975, people wearing bathing suits on any city street were required have a police escort.

Louisiana

Necrophilia is legal.

It’s illegal to use fortune-telling, astrology or palmistry to “settle lovers quarrels.” (In New Orleans.)

Massachusetts

Making noise in a public library is a crime against “chastity, morality, decency and good order.”

Michigan

A man who seduces or corrupts an unmarried woman faces five years in prison.

Low-riding pants that expose underwear are a Class B offense. But if they expose butt cleavage, they’re a Class A offense. (In Flint.)

Mississippi

It’s illegal to teach others what polygamy is.

Adultery or premarital sex results in a fine of $500 or 6 months in prison.

Montana

Prostitution is a “crime against the family.”

Nebraska

You can’t get married if you have gonorrhea

Nevada

Sale of sex toys is illegal.

New Hampshire

Lingerie must not be hung on a clothesline at the airport, unless there’s a screen concealing it. (In Kidderville.)

New Jersey

Flirting is illegal. (In Haddon Township, NJ)

New Mexico

Nudity is allowed as long as genitals and female nipples are covered.

New York

Adultery is illegal.

North Carolina

Adultery is illegal. And so is pretending to be married in order to share a hotel room.

North Dakota

It was illegal to swim naked in the Red River between 8 AM and 8 PM. (In Fargo.)

It’s against the law to fail to confine a dog or cat in heat. (In Grand Forks.)

Ohio

No person shall solicit sex from another of the same gender if it offends the second person.

Oklahoma

It is illegal for the owner of a bar to allow anyone inside to pretend to have sex with a buffalo.

Oregon

It’s illegal to lie down in a public restroom, or for two people to share a stall meant for one.

Pennsylvania

Oral and anal sex are illegal. You cannot cohabit with an “ancestor or descendant.”

South Carolina

If a man promises to marry a woman and she sleeps with him, the marriage must take place.

South Dakota

Public erections are illegal.

Tennessee

Students may not hold hands in school.

Texas

It’s illegal to own more than six dildos.

Utah

It’s illegal to marry your first cousin before the age of 65 — or 55 if you can prove both parties are infertile.

An adult cannot show sex paraphernalia to a minor, unless they’re your own child. (In Salt Lake City.)

Virginia

Adultery is a misdemeanor.

Obscenity is a bigger crime if you use a computer.

Washington

If you give a sex worker a ride to work, your car can be confiscated.

West Virginia

An unmarried couple who lived together and “lewdly associated” could face up to a year in jail. (Recently repealed.)

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I have to wear my glasses when I go to the theater. If you want to reach me directly, email me at chicodustyblog@gmail.com, add me to your circles on Google+ or Tweet at me on Twitter.

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