What Goes Down At The Playboy Mansion? (80’s Edition)

tumblr m365ioeWD31qg0xaio1 500 What Goes Down At The Playboy Mansion? (80s Edition)

Terri Welles, 1980’s Playboy Playmate

Don’t you wish you could go to the Playboy Mansion?

I don’t. Why would I drive all the way up to Beverly Hills to hang out with Tommy Lee, Bam Margera, Brett Michaels, and some super hot babes? If I were picked up in some sort of Hummer-limousine, then I’d for sure consider it but I’m still waiting on the invite.

Though I’ve yet to go to the Playboy Mansion, I feel like its best days have passed a long time ago. Before it was a sexy Utopia with cool parties and sexy babes dressed up like sexy bunnies, now I just picture a dirty pool and shag carpeting that’s in dire need of shampoo.

I picture Hugh Hefner wandering through a large empty mansion, muttering to himself all long the way. Kind of like the way Orson Welles wandered through the empty halls of Xanadu in Citizen Kane, but a little sexier. You might say that the Playboy Mansion is Xanadu from Citizen Kane, but built on an empire of nude women instead of yellow journalism.

My sad assumptions of the present day’s Playboy Mansion aside, if I could travel back in time to the 1980’s, the first thing I would do would be to warn the world about Paul Hogan. For sparing the world the horror of Crocodile Dundee, I’d get invited to the wildest and best Playboy Mansion parties of the 1980’s.

Unfortunately, that’s not going to happen. However, Vice has the next best thing.

The September issue of Vice was put together from the archives of Bob Guccione Sr., the man who built an empire with Penthouse Magazine (which might be going under, by the way).

One portion of the issue features an interview with a former Playboy Mansion butler. He was fired for “an intrusion on his personal life.”

So let’s find out what went down at the Playboy Mansion in the 1980’s: 

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Pretty insane stuff.

Fucking for Hefner? Why keep living if you need to hire help to fuck all your different girlfriends?

I’ve changed my mind.

Even in the 1980’s, the Playboy Mansion was too gnarly a place for me.

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Published on: September 18, 2013

Filled Under: Sex News

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